Ravaged Throne: A Russian Mafia Romance (Solovev Bratva #2)(61)

Suddenly, everything comes into sharp focus. It’s all clear and it’s making my head hurt.

“Please,” I say, shaking my head. “I just need some quiet. I just need to sit for a minute.”

“Sitting here is not going to bring Pasha back, Willow.”

I look down and grit my teeth to stop the tears from coming. “I know. I know I fucked up badly. You don’t need to tell me that.”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” he says.

We stare at each other silently for a while. But it isn’t long before I get antsy. I want off this rock, I want out of these woods, I want to leave these mountains behind me and never, ever come back.

Either that or bury me here now. I can’t take much more of this.

“Fine then,” I say, getting to my feet. “Let’s go.”

We make our way back to the cabin together, him following just behind me. The whole time, I’m intensely aware of his presence.

I long for his touch. But he keeps distance between us as we walk. The intimacy we shared recently seems like ancient history. I barely remember how it feels for him to look at me with anything but resentment in his eyes.

When we emerge from the trees, Anya is waiting for us. Guards surround her, bristling with guns.

As I walk towards her, I stand taller. The time to collapse in the snow and mourn is over. Now, I lift my chin and square my shoulders.

“We’re leaving now,” I state.

She nods. “You are.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Stay here until the danger has passed,” she says. “And then I’ll go back to the compound, rebuild and reinforce.”

“Right. Back to business, huh?”

“There’s no changing what happened, Willow. You need to be strong enough to move forward.”

“Pasha is my son. I don’t move forward without him.”

“And you’ll get him back,” she says confidently.

“How can you know that?”

She glances over my shoulder towards Leo. “I don’t say this about many men. But… this one is impressive.” I have to force myself not to look at him. “If anyone can get Pasha back, he can.”

“Lucky me,” I mutter.

The insult doesn’t land like I want it to. She simply gives me a knowing nod, it’s as much a dismissal as a goodbye.

Fine by me. I put my back on the woman who abandoned me and stride out in search of the son I refuse to abandon.

Leo’s men are waiting by the cars. Jax helps me into the front seat of one. Out through the windshield, I’m distantly aware of Leo crossing over the snowy ground to Anya. I can’t hear what they’re saying, but they exchange a few words. It seems oddly civil for the two of them.

Then Leo walks towards the jeep and gets in next to me. I don’t look back as we drive away from Anya’s cabin.

Neither of us says a word. It’s too quiet in the car. Too much time and space to think.

By the time the car stops, my mind is a whirlwind. Thoughts and scenarios whirl around faster than I can grab them. I feel dizzy and nauseous.

I jump out of the jeep and rush inside. I’m in the living room, gulping in deep breaths, when Leo approaches me from behind.

“You need to calm down, Willow.”

“What did you say to Anya?” I rasp. “Right before we left?”

“Take a breath,” he says, ignoring me. “You’re having a panic attack.”

I know he’s right. I can barely breathe. And no matter how many breaths I take, it doesn’t ease the ache in my lungs.

“Sit down,” Leo orders. “Put your head between your legs.”

I can barely hear him, but I feel his hands on me. Gently, he tucks me into a ball and the pain in my lungs eases. His large hand smooths circles on my back. That, more than anything else, helps me calm down.

I straighten up slowly. Leo is sitting beside me on the couch.

“Better?”

I laugh out loud. “Not remotely.”

“What happened to the confident woman I brought up here?” he muses.

I shake my head. “I thought I could do this. Become more like her. But Leo… I’m not Bratva. I’m not like her. I’m not like you.”

“Is that it, then?” he asks. “You’re just giving up? Let Belov do whatever he wants with Pasha?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it!” I snap, pushing off the sofa and turning to face him.

“Isn’t it?” he counters. “You’re sitting here, claiming defeat before the battle has even begin. Belov may have Pasha, but as long as our boy is still breathing, there’s hope we can get him back.”

“And what makes you so sure… sure… he… he’s… oh God…”

Nausea and fear come together like old friends. I’m about to hit the floor when Leo’s arms find me and keep me upright.

He grips my shoulders hard and looks me in the eye. “You have to get a hold of yourself. For Pasha. The only way to save him is to stay calm. To stay in control.”

“Easy to say. You’ve never lost control once in your life.”

He shakes his head slowly. “You’re wrong. Once and only once. After it was over, I promised myself: never again.”