Raphael (Deadly Virtues #1)(92)

Maria’s heart filled with such sadness it was debilitating. She crouched down so she was level with his face. “I’m alive, Gabriel.”

He laughed without mirth. “I’m dreaming. Hallucinating. I’ve pushed myself too far.”

Maria squeezed his hand. “He spared me, Gabriel.” Gabriel seemed to stop breathing. “He couldn’t kill me.” The sadness in Maria’s heart was smothered by the blinding love she felt for Raphael. Every second she was away from his side, she yearned to be near him. He was her soul. He was her savior. He was now her sole reason for living.

Gabriel blinked, then sat up. Maria turned as he pulled on the robe. “He . . . saved you?” Maria smiled. Gabriel’s face filled with disbelief, then something like understanding settled in his haunted eyes. “He loves you.”

Maria nodded. “And I him. So much and so fiercely.” Maria laid her hand over her heart. “I never knew it was possible to love someone so much. He is my heartbeat and I am his. I was sent here for him. I was saved from William Bridge because somewhere in the world there was a young boy who was suffering in an underground hell, just waiting for my love to heal him.”

Gabriel shook his head. “I don’t . . . I don’t believe it. I never thought him capable of love. Any of my brothers.”

Maria sat down on the chair. Gabriel stayed on the floor, too sick to move. “Gabriel.” He looked her way. “I believe that is not the only reason I was saved.”

Gabriel frowned. “What do you mean?”

Maria shuffled to the end of the seat. “I was taken by a serial killer at the age of sixteen. Now, in my twenties, I have fallen in love with one. I understand them, Gabriel.” She knew that was true. Sinners needed love too. They needed people to care for them and believe in them and help them from the depths of darkness that evil could drag them down to. Maria felt a strong calling deep in her soul. Everything she had been through was now explained. “And Gabriel, you have borne this burden too long on your own.” Maria regarded Gabriel sadly, nodding toward his wounds. “I believe I was sent here to help you too. A fellow person of God to help aid your tired soul.” Gabriel opened his mouth as if to argue. “I believe in your cause. In what you have your brothers doing—ridding the world of evil and sinful killers.”

“I can’t damn your soul, Maria. I can’t . . .” Gabriel shook his head.

“It’s not on you to make that decision, Gabriel. Raphael has asked me to live with him. He is my one true love, and I will be here. And I want to help you too.”

“I can’t, I—”

Maria took hold of Gabriel’s hand. “Release some of the responsibility to me, Gabriel. Let me help you. Let me assist. I know, in my gut, that this is my calling. I believe God sent me here, to the manor. I am strong, Father Gabriel. I can do this.”

Gabriel stared at Maria, then stared into the fire. “It’s not an easy life.”

Maria sighed. “Nothing about my life has been easy, Gabriel. I am war-torn, but I am strong and now have Raphael by my side. I love him and want to keep him safe; that is all the incentive I need.” Maria put her hand on Gabriel’s head. His eyes closed at the gesture. “This life is destroying you, Gabriel.” Her heart broke for this man. For how broken all the Fallen were. “Don’t let the darkness consume you. Take my help. Let me share the load of your pain.” When Gabriel lifted his head, she said, “You have six brothers, Gabriel. From this day on, you have a sister too. A fellow sister of the faith. You have a friend.”

Gabriel’s head fell. “I’m lost, Maria. I’m so lost. I pray, but God doesn’t answer me. I sin . . .” He looked into her eyes. “And I too have a darkness inside me. One that grows day by day. I’m . . . I’m so afraid that one day it will consume me too.”

Maria tipped her head to the side. “How long has it been since your last confession?”

Gabriel laughed, but it was stained and laced with agony. “Thirteen years,” he whispered.

Keeping her hand on his head, she said, “Then confess. Confess to me, a novitiate and your sister. Confess to me.”

As if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, Gabriel inhaled a deep breath and began. “Forgive me, sister, for I have sinned. It has been thirteen years since my last confession . . .” Maria listened to Gabriel purge his soul of his sins. Thirteen years and more of sins that haunted both his sleep and his waking hours. For hours she listened to him confess, and when it was done, she left him sleeping in his rooms, unburdened for the first time in so long.

When Maria returned to her room, and Raphael pulled her into bed, his arm tugging her in close, she closed her eyes and silently whispered a prayer: “Thank you, God. Thank you for giving me this man. Thank you for sending me here to these men. I will love each of them as you do. Without judgment, and as one of your own. I will protect them and guide them as best I can. And I will cherish the love you have given me in Raphael, my heart, my soul, my heaven . . . Amen.”

*****

His feet shuffled on the stone floor as he approached the wooden doors. He could barely walk, needing his wheelchair, but he refused any aid right now. The skin on his legs was tight and slowed him down. But anger fueled his every move. He had a new purpose in his heart, a new mission in his soul. God had kept him alive for a reason. Seven reasons.