Queen of Myth and Monsters (Adrian X Isolde, #2)(83)

I had no answer, and my hate for her deepened.

“Pray to me, Adrian, and I will let you go with a warning.”

I gritted my teeth. I wished she were a physical body so I could dream of all the ways I’d kill her.

“Refuse and I’ll leave a gift for your lover.”

I rose onto my knees, my hands shaking.

“Say it,” she ordered. “Say, ‘I pray to thee, Goddess Dis, defender of my blood. Forgive my sins and guard against temptation, for you are my light in the darkness.’”

She had chosen her words to wound and likely hoped to provoke my violence, but I remained still, my nails digging into my palms, and I repeated her prayer, each word forced out between my teeth.

When I finished, she laughed again.

“Remember those words, Adrian. You will need them again soon.”

She was gone and so was her pain, as if she had reached into my mind and pulled it free. When my vision cleared, I found that I was still on the floor and Daroc hovered over me.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“Far from it,” I said as I got to my feet.

I hated that he had seen me so helpless. I felt his eyes on me in the silence.

“Is it Dis?” he asked.

I did not respond. I did not like to say her name, much less hear it.

“You can tell me,” Daroc continued.

“I do not want to talk about it,” I said. Finally, I looked at him. “Did you need something?”

He opened his mouth to speak but hesitated, and I realized he’d come to talk about Sorin.

“I did not know,” he began. “I swear to you. I—”

“I never thought you did,” I said.

“I would like your permission to hunt for him,” Daroc said.

I was quiet, studying him, uncertain this was the choice he should make so soon after his lover’s betrayal.

“And what will you do when you find him?” I asked.

Daroc swallowed. His eyes were so red, they looked as if they were filled with blood.

“I will kill him.”

“For me?” I asked. “Or for you?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but instead, he seemed to hold his breath.

“Would you really wish to exist in this world after you murdered your lover?” I asked.

I knew vengeance would come for Sorin, but I did not think it right for Daroc to take up the gauntlet, and I would never ask it of him.

“Former lover,” he said, a bitter note to his voice.

“All the same,” I said. “You love him.”

His mouth trembled.

“I wish I didn’t,” he said through clenched teeth.

Because then I would not have to feel this pain. I heard what he did not say aloud, the words lodging in my heart like a knife. I knew a version of this desperation because I had felt it when Yesenia died.

“It’s okay that you do,” I said, and when he looked at me, I almost flinched. I had known Daroc for hundreds of years, and I had never seen him so devastated. And then he finally broke, a sob bursting from his mouth.

“He should have killed me,” he said, falling to his knees, and another cry tore from his throat. “He should have killed me years ago after I turned him.”

I knelt beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I am glad he didn’t.”

Daroc remained on the floor for a while as wave after wave of emotion shook him. His mind was chaotic, and he vacillated between hunting Sorin and dying.

I could grant neither choice.

“I need you,” I said. “For now, the answer is no, but after you have grieved a while, you may ask me again.”

Daroc hung his head, defeated, though I knew he wavered, wondering if this would be the first time he defied my orders and went anyway. He rose to his feet first and I followed, holding his gaze.

“If I do not kill him, will you?” he asked.

“I suppose it depends on which of us sees him first,” I said.

It would not be an easy execution, even with what Sorin had done to Isolde. For so long, he had been our source of laughter, of fun. He was the sunlight we never had in Revekka. Most of all, I had considered him a friend.

And this was why I had so few.

Isolde criticized my interest in use over loyalty, but loyalty was capricious. My empire was built on the usefulness of my armies and those who ran them. It was also built on the blood of those who had betrayed me.

“Do you think I will have a world to rule at the end of all this?” I asked.

Daroc’s brows rose at the question. “Yes. What else are we working toward?”

I shook my head slowly and met Daroc’s gaze. “Sometimes I can’t remember.”





Twenty-Five





Isolde

I sat with Ana. She had made no progress and showed no signs of waking. I wondered if she would, if she might decide she no longer wished to face this life.

I could not blame her if that was her decision. She had seen too many horrors, and yet I did not want her to leave me. I hated that I was about to leave her. What if she did wake up and we were gone? She would have to face our trauma alone.

The thought brought tears to my eyes, and I leaned over her, staring down at her pale face, and whispered, “Please come back.”