Queen Bee (Lowcountry Tales #12)(44)

“Yeah, look what you’re missing out on.” She paused for a moment. “Are you all right? I mean, about Archie getting married?”

“Of course not, but what am I supposed to do?”

“Well, at least you have the affection of his children. They’re such precious little boys. They were so cute in their blazers and neckties. Little men.”

“I know. It’s crazy, but I can’t wait to have them for a week.”

“Are they staying here?”

“No, I’m going over there. What are you going to do about Charlie?”

“I don’t know. I really do love him, you know? I keep telling myself he’s just going through a phase or something. But this seems beyond phase behavior.”

“Yeah, boy, in my expert opinion? It’s beyond phase.”

“I mean, if he’d gone out and bought a Harley, it would’ve been a lot easier to contend with. Or if he’d taken up rock climbing, you know?”

“Of course! The strangest part of this, and it’s all pretty strange, is that he doesn’t seem to understand why it’s a problem for you. Like, why can’t you just take him as he is?”

“Exactly. Although he has got to know that this is asking a lot. It’s not like he wants to dress up in private, which might be easier for me to adjust to.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Not at all. I mean, I’ve known him since his family moved here. He was a little femme, but that never bothered me. Now, suddenly, he’s a female impersonator out there in the world? I don’t understand.”

“Maybe because it got dumped on you all at once it’s harder to take.”

“No kidding! Do you think we might have discussed this bit by bit to give me a chance to get my brain around it?”

“Seems to me that might have been a better choice.”

“He wants to flaunt it all over the place. I’m asking you, who comes to Sullivan’s Island in full drag and crashes a wedding?”

“Is it drag? I thought drag was half of the term drag queen. And drag queens are gay, I think.”

“Charlie’s not gay. I’m certain of that. But back to my question. Who shows up like that on Sullivan’s Island and crashes a wedding?”

“No one that I ever knew. At least, to the best of my limited knowledge.”

“What a night,” she said again. “Maybe that was just a huge lapse in judgment.”

Morning came quickly. I had a little headache from all the wine and champagne I’d consumed at the wedding and afterward, when Leslie and I, incredulous to the tenth power, sat together trying to dissect the brains of Charlie and Archie. I went into the kitchen thinking coffee would clear the cobwebs and a piece of toast might soak up the poison and bring me back to life. Momma was seated at the table reading the paper. The coffee was already made.

“Oh, g’morning! Is Leslie up?” I said.

“No, she’s still sleeping. At least she’s alone.”

I just shook my head and reached inside the refrigerator for the milk.

“I’m going over to the boys in a little bit. Do you need me to do anything for you before I go?”

“No, I’m fine. You sister can help me if and when she decides to rise.”

“Did you bring in the paper?”

“I’m not dead yet, you know. I can still go outside and get the paper if I want to.”

Maybe she was taking some of the nurse’s advice and taking up a little exercise. I didn’t say another word about it.

“Well, great. Thanks for making the coffee.”

She put the paper down and whispered to me.

“What did you really think of Charlie?”

“I think he’s a little cracked. I really do,” I whispered back. “His arrival was just so blatant. I mean, where’s his consideration for Leslie’s feelings?”

“Thank you,” she said and resumed reading, satisfied with my answer.

Then she put her paper down again.

“Do you think she’s going to patch things up with him?”

“No. I don’t. Look, Leslie is super cool with Charlie’s choices. She’s not super cool having a female impersonator for a husband, especially one who wants to live in drag twenty-four seven.”

“I imagine that would be pretty complicated.”

I dropped a slice of bread in the toaster and pulled down the lever.

“And I think you might be relieved to know that there was not one single person at the wedding I recognized.”

“I was waiting for the telephone to start ringing.”

“Well, I’m just saying I don’t think Charlie found the audience he was hoping for. What are you reading so intently?”

“The obits. What else? Do you know there are people in here younger than me?”

“I imagine so. Life’s a gift, that’s why they call today the present.”

“You’re a regular Hallmark card over there, missy.”

“I was just kidding.”

My toast popped up. I put it on a paper towel and buttered it. Momma continued reading the paper and I stood eating my breakfast over the sink.

“So I’m working four shifts at Publix this week. They’re only six hours each. Do you think you or Leslie could keep an eye on the boys for me?”