Queen Bee (Lowcountry Tales #12)(28)

“Practically naked! I’ve got to run inside, but I’d love to catch up with you! Been too long!”

“Yes,” he said, and then without hesitating, he called out, “Come for supper!”

“Better yet, I’ll bring it! Wait until you see what I can do to a chicken!”

I couldn’t do diddly-squat with a chicken. I’d enlist Holly’s help.

I ran up the steps and inside, closing the door behind me quietly so Momma wouldn’t hear. God, I was such a bad girl. And I was out of breath. Maybe I’d join a gym or just take up running. I was still in good shape, but I didn’t have the wind I used to have for some reason. Probably pollen. Heaven knows with all the herbs and flowers Holly planted to encourage her bees’ honey production, we had an unbelievable amount of pollen in the air all year long.

Wouldn’t you know it? I got to the kitchen and there sat the queen. She had a horrified look on her face.

“Would you like to tell me why you’re mooning the neighbors? Have you lost your simple mind?”

I swear that woman has eagle eyes in the back of her head and the front.

I dropped the paper on the kitchen table and said, “G’morning! I’ll be right back.”

I all but ran to my room and threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and brushed my hair into a ponytail on top of my head. One of the few things Holly and I had in common was great hair. At least we were lucky about that. I hurried back to the kitchen, poured myself a cup of coffee, and sat at the table across from her.

“There’s an explanation,” I said and told her the whole story.

“You girls really are out of your minds. It will never work.”

“Why not?”

“Because according to Holly, he’s already in love with this horrible Sharon, whoever she is. What you need is a spy.”

“Why?”

“My dentist retired and moved to Florida. I need to find a new dentist. Get this woman’s last name and I’ll go see her, you know, nose around a bit. Save your virtue for the moment. Or at least try to. I’ll get the story on her. Go get your sister. We’ve got work to do.”

“Okay. But I’m bringing him dinner tonight,” I said.

“Then bring the boys over here to decorate cookies or something. That will give you some space to get a read on him. Your sister’s so na?ve sometimes. She probably just saw them looking at each other with googly eyes. It’s a long way from googly eyes to the altar. Let me think this through a little bit. Leslie?”

“Yes?”

“This is the most exciting thing that’s happened around here in years!”

“Well, it certainly is a nice diversion for me. I have to get back in the game anyway. This is as good a place to start as any other.”

“Leslie?”

“Yes, Momma?”

“I know you. You’re hot-blooded. Try not to disgrace the family. Please?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

There was nothing like the safety and happiness of children to unite women in a cause, even if they had disparate personalities and goals. Holly, who stopped in to see about the kids after school, found Sharon’s business card on Archie’s desk and copied down the number and address for Momma. Momma made an appointment for the following day. Holly was shocked beyond belief that Momma was actually leaving the house and even more dumbfounded that she was getting involved in our scheme. I knew Momma’s life had become super dull since I married Charlie, but I kept that to myself. Holly was hurt enough as it was.

But Holly was a trouper. She worked her shift at Publix and brought home all the groceries we needed for a great meal.

We spent the rest of the afternoon making chicken parmigiana, which most children love. Then I made a salad of mozzarella balls and the tiniest cherry tomatoes I’d ever seen. And Holly had brought home Pepperidge Farm frozen garlic bread, which is my total favorite. Holly threw together a chocolate cake with a layer of marshmallows inside, which we knew the boys would love. In the end it was decided that the boys would definitely have dinner with Momma and Holly, and I, the family’s pinch hitter, would take a picnic over to Archie. And Holly had bought a decent bottle of red wine, hoping it would loosen his tongue and make him want to talk to me.

“You’ve got to get him to tell you all about Sharon and bring him to his senses,” Holly said.

“Yes,” Momma said, “you’ve got to make him see that Sharon is a terrible choice, most especially because of the impact she’ll have on his children. If you can’t get past first base with him, ask him what he thinks Carin would want for her children. Guilt is a good weapon.”

“I’ll do my best,” I said. “Hopefully, I’ll get to home plate.”

Surely, Sharon didn’t have any real assets that I didn’t? I mean, I knew Archie taught world religions and that she was a dentist. Those two professions were galaxies apart. I couldn’t see what they could have in common beyond carnal desire. So, around four that afternoon, I took the hot shower of my life, shampooed, shaved, tweezed, moisturized, perfumed, and boofed myself into my former, younger single self, and packed up dinner. Cleopatra could not have put any more intention and effort into the seduction of Mark Antony. The only things I didn’t have were a CD of Barry White’s and a scented candle.