Put Me Back Together(79)

“Race you to the train tracks, Katie!” Tommy cries, because trains are his favourite things in the world, because he has no idea my boyfriend plans to butcher him.

I want to tell him to keep running, to run for his life, but I’m shaking with fear and the words stick in my throat.

“You heard him, Katie Kat,” Brandon says. “You’d better hurry now. If I get there first, who knows what might happen.” He’s only pretending to taunt me, posing his arms as though he’s about to start jogging ahead, but not actually going through with it. He thinks I’m on his side.

“I’m coming!” I call to Tommy, who shrieks as though he’s being chased even though I haven’t moved a muscle.

Then I turn to Brandon and my voice falls to a whisper. “This isn’t funny, okay? Pretending you’re going to kill a five year old isn’t funny.” Because this is a joke, it just has to be. Twelve-year-old boys don’t murder kindergarteners. Brandon isn’t a killer…is he?

“Who’s trying to be funny?” Brandon says, his voice flat, all the mirth from a moment ago completely gone.

“Just give me the knife and we can forget this ever happened,” I say reasonably. “I won’t even be mad.” I hold out a shaking hand.

“Mad about what?” Brandon replies. He seems genuinely confused. That’s when I know he isn’t joking or playing a trick. This isn’t a game to Brandon.

This is really happening.

In desperation I try to snatch the blade out of his hand, but he’s too quick. He shoves me away roughly and I nearly trip and fall.

“You’re not really going to do this,” I say frantically. “You know I was just joking around last night. You know I don’t really want you to kill anyone. He’s not even—”

“I heard what you said,” Brandon replies. “I heard it loud and clear. I’m going to take care of it for you. You’ll thank me when it’s done, trust me.”

“You’re right, that is what I said. I do want him dead,” I say, switching tacks. Maybe if he thinks I want this too, maybe if I convince him, maybe, maybe, maybe… “But this kid isn’t the one I hate. It’s his brother I want dead. You don’t want to kill the wrong kid, do you? You don’t want to make that mistake.”

He gives me a look of disgust. He thinks I’m lying, I can see it in his eyes.

“Having a change of heart?” he says. “Don’t worry, I’m not like you. I won’t lose my nerve. I never do.”

“Brandon, please—”

He takes my hand and twists it behind my back, pinning it painfully. I let out a gasp of shock and pain. When he speaks, his voice is hard. “Don’t even think of getting in my way. This is what you want. You’ve forgotten, but you’ll remember when it’s done. You’ll see how good it feels. When he’s dead, you’ll understand. You’ll love me for it.”

I can’t see him now because he’s standing behind me, but I can see his free hand as he flips open the knife. The knife he will use to kill Tommy, and probably me, too.

I begin to breathe quickly, too quickly, and the forest path tilts in front of me. I will myself not to pass out. Because if I do, what will happen to Tommy? I find out what it means to piss yourself with fear when I feel the warmth spreading over the crotch of my jeans.


“Say you love me,” Brandon says as he presses me forward, toward the clearing.

“I love you,” I gasp, because it’s what he wants to hear, because love conquers all, doesn’t it? Maybe love can conquer Brandon’s bloodlust. Maybe love can save us. “I love you, Brandon. I really do. I’ll do whatever you want. Just leave the kid alone. You can tie me up. You can cut me as much as you want.”

“Why would I want to cut you up?” Brandon says. He seems almost hurt by my words. “I love you. I’m doing this for you.”

I try to struggle against his grip, but he only yanks my arm harder, eliciting a small scream from my lips. “Keep quiet,” Brandon says immediately, clamping a hand over my mouth. “Don’t say a word, or I’ll kill him slowly.”

Hearing my scream, Tommy appears up ahead of us on the path and my eyes fill with tears. My voice has called him back when I wanted him to run.

“Katie, hurry up!” Tommy calls, then frowns as he takes in the scene of me and Brandon and his knife.

I want to beat Brandon to the ground, but I’m too weak. I want to go back to the minute before I told him about Ricky and still my lips, but I know I can’t. I want to whisk Tommy to safety, but I’m trapped. I’m useless. And it’s all my fault.

So I do the only thing I can think of. I bite down on Brandon’s hand hard, tasting blood. My eyes find Tommy again and I scream, “Run!”

Brandon swears and lets me out of his grip, shocked by the wound, and suddenly I’m running down the path after Tommy, who has disappeared from view. I don’t look back, though I can hear Brandon’s clumsy footsteps behind me. For five seconds I imagine that we might get out of this. As I reach the clearing, the trees open up to reveal the sky, full of fading light. I still have hope until the moment I see Tommy standing there, waiting for me, his eyes enormous with fright.

“No!” I cry as Brandon shoves me from behind and I fall forward, the metal railroad tie coming up to meet my eyes.