Put Me Back Together(54)

He was still looking at me expectantly, waiting for an answer. “I’m just going to stay here until you’re convinced,” he said, settling in with a smile. Was this supposed to get me talking? If it were up to me, he could stay here all day.

“It’s just…” I picked at the sleeve of his shirt, avoiding his eyes. “These last couple of weeks you’ve been acting like… When we ran into each other in the art studio, you looked at me like… I thought you were sick of me.”

“You rejected me, Katie, in case you forgot,” Lucas reminded me. “What was making me sick was running into you all the time, seeing you in class and knowing I could never have you. Though, I’m beginning to think that’s not exactly true…”

“It’s not true,” I said quickly, a little too quickly.

Real smooth, Archer.

Liking this answer, Lucas eased himself higher until his face was level with mine, but I couldn’t let myself be distracted. I clamped my eyes shut and said, “But why would you want to be with me when you could have any girl you wanted?” I cringed inwardly. This was so humiliating. “You need to make it make sense. Because it doesn’t make sense to me.”

Lucas paused before answering. I sensed that something I’d said was bothering him, but he didn’t want to say what.

“I want to be with you instead of all the other girls because you’re not like all the other girls,” he said.

Thanks. Way to be vague.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I’m way less outgoing, way less adventurous, way less—”

“If you say beautiful, we’re going to have words, Archer,” Lucas warned.

“Fine,” I said uncomfortably, squirming a little under his body. “So what do you mean, then? How am I different?”

He thought about this for a minute, letting his eyes roam over me. “You don’t expect anything of me,” he answered finally. “And you don’t play games. You’re just you, and when I’m with you, I guess I feel like I can just be me.”

It was a nice thing to say, and flattering, but something still clenched inside me at his words. He thought I was just being myself when I was with him, that I wasn’t playing any games, wearing any masks. But my whole life was a mask. The girl he thought he knew wasn’t me at all. I was glad the Lucas I knew was the real him, that he felt he could be himself with me, but what would he do when he saw the real Katie Archer? Would he still call her Hero? Would he still want to kiss her?

And even if he did, who would he become with her?

What would happen to the grinning, playful Lucas? What would I make him into?

Lowering my eyes, I rolled out from under him and lay on my side with my back to him. Gradually I felt him cuddle up behind me, curling his arm around me so my back was pressed into his front.

“Don’t push me away, Katie,” he whispered. “I want to be with you, only you. I haven’t been with any other girls since last semester.”

“Really?” I said, surprised by how desperately I wanted to believe him. He found my hand and laced my fingers with his.

“When exactly do you think I’ve had the time to chase after other girls? All I do is go to class and work and hang out with you!”

“I don’t know, in class? At work?”

“I’m not as good at multi-tasking as you might think,” he said, and I snickered.

Hugging me closer to him, he pressed his face into my hair and breathed deeply, just as I breathed him in whenever I saw him. It felt strange to be on the other end of it, like we’d suddenly switched lives. I wondered what life as Lucas Matthews would be like. As I thought about certain body parts that I’d definitely like to get a better look at, I was glad my back was turned, because I was suddenly blushing furiously.

“I want to take you out on a date,” Lucas announced, and I half-spun around, a protest ready on my lips. He pressed a finger against them before I could speak. “If I don’t take you out properly, how will you ever believe that I’m serious about you?”

“I believe you, Lucas,” I said lamely. “I’m just not sure…”

I’m not sure I won’t break you into pieces. I’m not sure I deserve you. I’m not sure I won’t ruin your life forever.

“Katie,” Lucas said, pulling at my arm until I turned to face him again, “there’s nothing you could ever tell me that would make me stop wanting you.”

My eyes rose to his as he said this. How did he know that was what I’d been thinking? And how could I tell him that it wasn’t only that I was afraid he would stop wanting me? I was afraid that eventually, when I was done with him, I wouldn’t want him, either.

“What if you’re wrong?” I said sadly.

“I’m not,” he replied simply. “Want me to show you how I know?”

He pushed his face forward, letting his lips come dangerously close to mine. He hadn’t kissed me yet tonight and my body had clearly been yearning for it, because it was as though he’d flipped a switch. Every nerve ending in me flared to life as I felt his bottom lip pressing against mine and I leaned forward to meet him. Then there was a loud knocking on the door and we both froze in place.

“Oh no, it’s Mom!” Lucas whispered. I let out a combination of a laugh and a groan as inwardly I cursed Mariella’s punctuality. Lucas gave me a quick and thoroughly unsatisfying peck on the lips before he launched himself off the bed and helped me up, too.