Put Me Back Together(22)

I clamped my mouth shut, sick of listening to my own stuttering.

“You want to lose yourself?” he said and my eyes snapped to his face. “I do it all the time, right out there.” He pointed at the people dancing in front of us. “It’s easy. I can show you how if you’ll let me.”

Straight ahead of me a girl in a strapless sparkly top threw her head back, shaking her hair, a luminous smile on her face. I wanted to be like that, to be free. But I didn’t want to feel that panic creeping in again, not tonight. I looked up at Lucas. When he was around, I never felt afraid, probably because he was always so at ease—well, except during the glass-dropping intro to the night. A little dancing with Lucas couldn’t hurt, could it?

“If you embarrass me I’ll punch you in the junk,” I said as I put my hand in his.

He gave me an affirmative nod. “Got it, Hero,” he said.

Taking both my hands in his, he towed me into the middle of the fray. The song that was playing was one I knew and liked with an added house beat and synthesizer. Standing still in the middle of the dancing crowd I immediately felt self-conscious and my eyes kept darting to the people around us, watching to see if they were watching me. Lucas put his hands on my shoulders, drawing my eyes to his face.

“Don’t worry about them,” he said. “They don’t care what you’re doing. All they care about is looking hot.”

I smirked and his smile joined mine.

“Just look at me. Keep your eyes on mine,” he said. “Don’t look away.”

I nodded yes, but I didn’t think I’d be able to do it. I was terrible at keeping eye contact. Even when I was having a conversation with someone I would find myself staring at the wall behind their head. I didn’t like the feeling of being looked at, examined. It always made me feel as though the person looking was trying to figure me out. Then again, I didn’t seem to mind when Lucas looked at me. And looking at Lucas, well, that wasn’t what I would call hard. Actually, it was pretty damn easy.

As I stared into those big golden eyes of his, I felt Lucas place his hands on my waist. Instinctively, I felt my body tense and I was surprised that he didn’t say anything about it. He just left his hands there and kept his eyes on mine until I slowly felt my muscles relax.

“Now, I want you to move like I move,” he said. “Put your hands here.”

He placed my hands on his hips so we were mirroring each other. I nearly laughed. This felt very much like an elementary school dance. Then he started to move his hips and I felt his fingers digging into mine, encouraging me to do the same, and suddenly all thoughts of elementary school were gone.

I could feel the taut muscles of his stomach through his shirt. I wanted so much to look down at his body, to touch his chest, but that would mean breaking eye contact. My hips began to mimic his movements, moving much slower than the music, and he smiled at me, showing off his dimples, as our rhythm fell into sync. He ran one hand up my back and then back down again, sending a shiver down my spine, and then I felt the gentle pressure of his palm, pushing me forward until we were hip to hip. I forgot about keeping eye contact at that point—I sort of forgot about everything—and pressed my cheek into his shoulder, looping my arms around his neck.


“Close your eyes,” he whispered into my ear.

And I did.

The music throbbed around us, keeping our hips in motion and wiping out almost everything else except the feeling of his chest against mine and his hands holding me. I didn’t have a thought in my head. I certainly didn’t know and didn’t care if anyone was watching us. I didn’t know anything except that I loved this feeling of oblivion, of disappearing into the music, of being here with him. I felt one of his hands cupping the back of my head, his fingers moving through my hair. I clung to him and danced.

We were both sweaty when we finally pulled apart. His hand was still in my hair.

“How’d you do that?” I said to him. He was staring down at me so intently I wasn’t sure he would answer.

“Do what?” he finally said.

“Make the world disappear.”

He grinned, letting his hand slip out of my locks and down to my back. “And just think, you can do it any time you want. The wonderful land of the dance floor is always here for you.”

“Not just any time,” I said, and he gave me a questioning look, his eyes returning to my face. “I only feel like this when I’m with you.”

What did I just say?

I was still tangled in his arms and he looked like he had every intention of keeping me there, his eyes riveted to mine as though we were still dancing, but I pulled free and this time I was the one to guide him down the stairs, holding his hand, leading the way. This was good. Moving was good. Talking on the other hand, clearly not so good.

Back on the first floor I was swarmed by Emily and her friends. I caught Lucas’s eye and saw him wink and wave at me, then disappear into the dark leading toward the bar.

“We’ve been looking for you everywhere!” Anita said, then took a sip of her drinks, one in each hand.

“Sally’s in the bathroom throwing up,” Melissa announced.

“We didn’t abandon her there,” Emily explained, as though worried I would disapprove. “She always insists on throwing up alone. She’s psychotic about it. She bit me. Are you okay?”