Pushing Connor (The Dungeon #4)(8)

Clenching and unclenching his fists, he stared blindly ahead. Images of his former lover and Matthew mixed inside his mind, screwing with his head. He was both spurred on and shut off, and he could barely make sense of what he was feeling.

He didn’t know how much time had passed or what remained until his next session. Eventually, he managed to push everything to a far corner of his brain, and gathered himself to some extent.

When his next appointment knocked, Connor offered him a smile he didn’t really feel and invited him in. He went through the motions, forcing his attention on the man in front of him, to the point where his body trembled with the effort. And when his thoughts slipped back to the previous session, Connor pushed himself harder, willing himself back into the game.

The evening passed slowly and painfully. By the time it was over, he was exhausted. He regretted his decision to walk to work in the afternoon, and decided to take a cab home.

Once there, darkness greeted him. He took off his shoes by the entrance, and his clothes in the lightless bedroom, and crawled into bed, happy that Wesley was asleep and that he wouldn’t be forced to make conversation.

Wesley shifted and mumbled something in his sleep, dropping his arm over Connor’s chest in a possessive gesture. That little act warmed Connor’s heart and brought the calm he needed. Connor remained still, making sure not to wake his partner, his own brain finally turning off enough for him to rest.

***

The kitchen smelled like hot butter croissants and fresh coffee—a mix that normally would have made Connor hungry. Instead, his stomach gave a little grumble, turning at the scent.

Connor rubbed at his eyes, removing the last remnants of sleep. The night hadn’t been restful, and he wasn’t feeling very sharp.

“I didn’t hear you come in last night.” Wesley offered Connor a plate filled with the freshly baked goods. Unable to refuse it, Connor picked up a croissant and placed it on a napkin.

Taking the plate away, Wesley returned with two mugs of coffee, setting one in front of Connor. Connor glanced at it, noticing it was made just as he liked it: dark and most likely bitter...like his mood.

“Thank you, love. I’m sorry. I came back late and didn’t want to bother you.”

“You should have woken me.”

Connor caressed Wesley’s cheek, smiling. “You were sleeping too peacefully. I couldn’t bring myself to disturb you.”

Disappointment flashed over Wesley’s face, but the smile he gave Connor didn’t falter, making Connor feel even more miserable for lying to him. In his book, anything but the truth had nothing to do with a healthy relationship, be it kink or vanilla. Taking a deep breath for courage, he decided to tell Wesley the truth.

“Besides, I wasn’t great company.”

“Why? What happened?”

Connor shrugged. “I had a weird session.”

Wesley frowned. “Weird how?”

“It was a more intense sub. Into some hardcore stuff. Blood play, needles, that sort.”

“And he got approved by Lucas and Tamara?”

“That was my first thought. I checked with Maria, and it seems that Tamara oversaw his admission.”

Wesley pursed his lips. “And how was it?”

“Rough.”

Wesley frowned, regarding him carefully. “Because of your ex?”

“Yes.” Connor couldn’t believe how difficult it was to admit it.

“You shouldn’t have accepted the scene.”

“I know.”

“Why did you?”

Connor shrugged. “I didn’t think it would be this bad, to be honest.”

But what’s done was done, and Connor hoped Wesley would not pursue the subject further.

He bit into the pastry, the buttery goodness making him feel better. He reached over the table to take Wesley’s hand and give it a little squeeze. Wesley squeezed back, acknowledging his silent thank you.

“What’s your work schedule for today?”

Grateful at the change in topic, Connor jumped to answer. “My shift starts at eight, and I’m booked solid, if I remember correctly. You?”

“I’ve got an early shift. I’m starting at four and will probably be back by eight.”

Connor took a sip of coffee, letting the brew work its magic on his nervous system.





Chapter 3


Connor had dreaded the thought of going back to work, but when his first appointment came in, things started to improve. By the end of the evening, he was feeling better, and during the next few days, he put Matthew and Alin behind him. Even Wesley had stopped following him with concerned eyes.

A smile spread across his lips at the thought of his lover. Wesley had been so patient and understanding. And sleeping in his arms at night brought the dreamless sleep Connor had needed. Perhaps he should do something special for Wesley. Like a weekend getaway. Their one-year anniversary was less than a month away.

After glancing at his watch, to judge how much time he had before Wesley got home, he turned on the laptop and logged into the club’s website, to check their schedules for the coming weekend. To his surprise, he was wide open. Wesley wasn’t, but that wasn’t unexpected. The busiest time for The Dungeon was the end of the week, so one of them working was the norm. But maybe there was a way out of it.