Pulse (Collide, #2)(101)
“So how are you holding up?” Colton questioned. “Mom said you and Emily went for a blood paternity test a few days ago.”
As Gavin swept his gaze to the house, where he could see Emily through the kitchen window, Gavin knew he wasn’t doing well. Sure. He’d told Emily he wouldn’t give up hope Noah was his son, but as the answer neared, he found it more difficult to hold onto optimism. Gavin shrugged, taking a gulp of beer. “I’m dealing.”
“There’s a reason behind everything, son,” Chad sighed, clapping Gavin’s shoulder. “Just remember that.”
“Yeah, Pop? What would be the reason if it’s not my kid?” Gavin hated questioning anything his father said, but Gavin couldn’t find a string of sense if this outcome was about to mind-f*ck him. The despondency in his father’s eyes made Gavin feel like an *. “I’m sorry,” Gavin somberly admitted, trying not to lose the faith his father had always attempted to instill in him. “I told Emily at the beginning of this we’d go through it scared together. I said that mostly to calm her down, but hell if this isn’t killing me. The thought of having that * involved in her or the baby’s life is f*cking with me bad.”
Gavin dragged a hand through his hair, his nerves kicking up with every evil whisper in his mind. Gavin shook his head. “He’s calmed down a bit in the past couple of months, but I’m assuming that’s because I’ve kept him in place. If he’s this baby’s father, it’ll go right to his head, and he’ll take it to a whole new level. The * let us know he’s moving to Florida a few months after the baby’s born. Emily’s a mess over it. I’m going to fall in love with this kid and have to watch Dillon take him over the summer and holidays. It’ll break us both.”
With his hand still on Gavin’s shoulder, Chad looked at Colton who was staring wordlessly at his brother. Bringing his eyes back to his son, Chad shook his head. His voice was soft but resolute. “Gavin, you’re a strong man. You’ve always been. The first time I held you, you told me with your eyes you were going to make your mark in this world, and shit, son, you have. You’ve made your mother and me proud. I know you may feel that strength you were born with slipping from your grasp, but you have it in you to not let it go. Find it again. It’s there. As a man and as a father to this child, whether yours biologically or not, you’ll do whatever it takes to keep you and Emily from breaking. You’re the man who’s going to turn this child into a man. You and Emily need one another and you may need one another more than ever after this. But whatever you do, never question the decisions the heavens make for us. Again, there’s a reason behind everything. All that matters is what you do with those decisions. You can let them break you or mold you.”
With the words he needed to hear soaking through his mind, Gavin glanced toward the house. Watching his mother and Emily step from the porch, he tried to focus on what his father had said, but as the stars started to blanket the sky, he feared that until he had those results in hand, here and now, he wouldn’t be able to find the strength he needed to walk them through this. As doubt plagued every muscle in his body, Gavin stood and made his was over to Emily. Forcing a smile, he gently pulled her into his arms. He felt as if he was failing. A man who’d continue to fail if Noah wasn’t his.
“Hey,” she said, smiling. “Everyone’s heading down to the beach to light off the fireworks. I didn’t realize it’d gotten so chilly out here. I’m gonna run back inside and grab my jacket. Do you need anything?”
Gavin didn’t answer. No. Instead, he bent his head, crushing his lips to hers. Ashamed and riddled with guilt for masking his feelings, he kissed her hard, burying his hands in her soft curls. He wondered if Emily could taste the fear on his tongue or if she could feel the uncertainty in his hold. He didn’t know how long they stood wrapped in one another’s arms, but in that moment, he wished he could stop time. Stop it from moving forward to a wicked place where he wouldn’t be able to take care of her.
Emily slowly pulled back, her eyes searching Gavin’s. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” Gavin lied smoothly. “I can go get your jacket.”
“It’s all right. I have to use the bathroom.” She touched his cheek and smiled. “I’ll meet you down by the beach.”
Gavin nodded, and she made her way into the empty house. As she washed her hands after finishing up in the bathroom, Emily worried about the way Gavin looked. God, she just wanted their wait to be over. She wanted her carefree Yankees lover back. The waiting had stripped him of so much, and Emily couldn’t help but hurt for him. On a sigh, she flipped off the light, praying the waiting would be over soon. In the bedroom, she yanked a light, spring jacket from her suitcase. She was glad she’d brought it with her. Emily pulled it on and started for the door, however, she came to a stop, her feet glued to the floor, when her gaze locked onto Gavin’s laptop. A pang shot through her.
Curiosity leading her, Emily slowly sank onto the mattress. Staring at the laptop, she couldn’t stop her fingers from tapping in Gavin’s passcode. She knew the paternity test results weren’t due for another couple of days, and she chided herself for even looking, yet something pushed her forward. She entered the URL into the proper space. With her heart starting to pound when the website popped up, Emily entered the case number she was given in order to check the results. Though she’d never been a mathematician or English major, this series of numbers and letters was burned into Emily’s head. Her body tensed when the site started to load the information. It wasn’t the same page that’d shown up the past couple of times she’d checked. Instead, a taunting hourglass popped up. Emily stared at it and it stared right back as she waited.