Protect the Prince (Crown of Shards #2)(94)

Sullivan let out a tense, ragged breath and shook his head. “No, I can’t.”

Her eyes narrowed in understanding. “You really do care about her.”

He let out another breath. “I’m sorry, Helene. I shouldn’t have tried to use you like this.”

She let out a light, pealing laugh. “Use me? I was the one using you, dear, sweet Lucas. You always were a fantastic fuck, and I was going to wring every drop of pleasure I could out of you tonight. But then you had to go and ruin it with your feelings.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, as though she was deeply disappointed in him. Then she walked over, grabbed her silk wrap from the table, and draped it around her shoulders.

“What are you doing?” Sullivan asked, his face creasing with confusion.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Helene said. “I’m leaving you to your anger and self-pity. Because those things, my dear, definitely do not lead to a good time for me.”

Sullivan winced. “And what about fucking me for your own pleasure?”

“It’s obvious that you care far more about Everleigh than you ever did about me.” Her face hardened. “And I am no one’s second choice.”

He winced again.

Helene finished draping her wrap around her shoulders, then walked back over to him. She studied him with far less anger and hostility than before. “Do you know why things didn’t work out between us?”

Sullivan blinked, as though the question surprised him, but he answered her. “Your father forced you to break off our engagement.”

“That was part of it, but I also handled things badly, which I deeply regret,” Helene said. “But the truth is that you always loved your precious pride and principles more than you did me, Lucas.”

His eyebrows drew together in confusion. “What? That’s not true.”

“Oh, yes, it is,” Helene said in a matter-of-fact tone. “I could have eventually found some way to be with you, with or without my father’s approval. But you didn’t give me a chance to do that or anything else to make things right between us. You were so caught up in everyone treating you exactly the same as Dominic and Frederich that you just couldn’t be happy with anything different, with anything less.”

“Why should I have been happy with less?” Sullivan growled.

“Because life can be a cruel, heartless bitch,” Helene snapped. “Because we should hold on to the happiness we have and not worry about what other people think of it, or especially of us. Because caring about someone occasionally means compromising something about yourself for their benefit and not your own. That’s what real love is, Lucas.”

“You didn’t compromise anything,” he growled again.

She gave him a sad look. “Oh, yes, I did. I gave you up so that my sisters would have a good, secure future. So that they could marry for love, even if I couldn’t.”

“So what you’re really saying is that you loved your sisters more than you did me.” Hurt rasped through Sullivan’s voice.

Helene shook her head. “It wasn’t about loving them more or you less. It was about protecting all the people I loved the best way I could.”

“And you decided to sacrifice me, us, for the sake of your family?”

“Yes,” she replied without hesitation. “Because my sisters were young and couldn’t take care of themselves, and all it would cost you was a broken heart and some wounded pride.”

In that moment, my respect for Helene grew a hundredfold. Whether she was the traitor or not, she’d made the hard choice to give up Lucas for the greater good of her family. It was too bad she didn’t have any Blair blood. Helene would have made a magnificent queen.

Sullivan frowned, as though he had never considered things from her point of view before, but I understood Helene’s reasoning all too well, and I admired her for making such a tough choice. Sometimes, the only thing you could do was decide who you could hurt the least.

“I wonder, though . . .” Helene’s voice trailed off.

“What?” he asked.

She studied him. “I wonder if Everleigh is more important to you than even your pride and principles are.”

I held my breath, wondering what he would say. A muscle ticked in Sullivan’s jaw, but he remained silent.

“Either way, we can’t change the past, only the future. I guess we’ll see how much you care about Everleigh.” Helene’s face softened. “I really did love you, Lucas, and I am truly sorry for all the pain I caused you. I never wanted you to feel like less with me. I just wanted you to be happy being yourself.”

She stared at him a moment longer, then stepped forward and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. Sullivan stood absolutely still, not moving a muscle. Helene dropped her head, turned around, and left the greenhouse.

Sullivan stayed where he was, staring at the open door that she had gone through. My heart ached for him, and for Helene too. She’d been in an impossible situation, and she’d made the best choices she could, even if they had hurt Sullivan and her too.

Paloma squeezed my shoulder, drawing my attention, and pointed to a set of stone steps on the far side of the balcony. I nodded, and she headed in that direction.

I glanced in through the glass again, but Sullivan had vanished, and the main greenhouse door was now shut. He had left, and it was time for me to do the same, so I closed the glass door, crossed the balcony, and hurried down the steps after Paloma.