Praise (Salacious Players Club, #1)(50)

I don’t feel like the same girl he broke up with, and maybe I’m not. I like this new version of me, the one Emerson helped build back up.

God, even the thought of his name makes me feel queasy. We had a moment, and I’m pretty sure we were about to have an even bigger moment, but then Beau showed up and Emerson couldn’t pawn me off fast enough. It hurt, especially after that whole ‘you have no idea what I want to do to you’ speech. The second his son walked through that door, my hope shattered.

“Umm…that sounds good. Pizza?”

“Sure. We can just order it from your place.”

“Okay,” I reply with a forced smile.

“So, you really like working for my dad?” he asks.

“Yeah. I do. And he says I could easily work my way up into business management.”

Beau scoffs. “Not with that business, I hope.”

My hand grips the steering wheel as I pull into the driveway. I don’t know how much Emerson makes public about the club, or if he still uses the dating service as a front, so I decide to keep it discreet. “What’s wrong with the company?”

“You know what they do there, Charlie. Come on. Don’t act stupid.”

“I’m not acting stupid,” I bite back. Just then, I spot my little sister across the yard, and my heart sinks. She’s sitting out front with one of her friends, both of them on their phones as she looks up and spots Beau getting out of my car.

Fuck.

“Hey, Smurf. You want some pizza?” I call.

Her eyes track back and forth between Beau and me before she shakes her head. “No thanks.”

Regret hits me hard. Sophie is disappointed in me, and I hate it. She never liked Beau, so she’s certainly not going to be joining us for pizza.

“Come on, babe,” Beau says, draping an arm over my shoulder, and I can feel Sophie watching us as we disappear into the backyard, heading straight for the pool house. Everything in me is telling me to call this off, drive him home, and forget this ever happened. Beau clearly has expectations about tonight and I really don’t want to have to let him down. Because that is not happening.

Two hours ago, I thought it was Emerson I’d be cozying up to.

When we get inside my small studio, I check my phone, looking for anything from Emerson, but there’s only silence. Beau drops onto my bed, and he seems in such a better mood than before that I almost feel bad that I have to break it to him that tonight is not going to end the way he wants.

“I’m going to change out of these clothes,” I tell him, walking toward the bathroom, but he snatches me by the hand before I can make it there.

“Charlie, wait.”

Suddenly, I’m on his lap. And I don’t say anything. Why don’t I say anything?

“I didn’t want to be alone with you just for sex,” he says, and my eyes widen.

“Beau, we’re not—"

“I really do want another chance. I know I was a shitty boyfriend. I was just going through stuff with my dad.”

My shoulders soften, and sympathy floods my system.

“Why didn’t you ever confide in me?” I don’t bring up the cheating part because that’s where things get heated and it becomes impossible to get him to talk or open up about anything.

“I was embarrassed,” he replies gently. “I didn’t want you knowing my dad was a…freak.”

“He’s not a freak,” I bite back.

“He might as well be a porn star or a pimp, Charlie. His whole job revolves around sex and some really kinky shit. It’s not normal—"

“It is normal, though,” I argue, trying to get out of his arms, but he holds me tight. I hate that I’m not fighting harder. And it’s like he doesn’t even hear me, as he goes on and on about how terrible his dad is. Bile rises up my throat.

“And I thought that if he was some sex freak…maybe I was too. That’s why I…did what I did.”

My spine stiffens. “Are you serious right now?” I snap. “You’re going to blame your dad for you cheating on me? You letting some new girl at work give you a blow job in the break room was because your dad owns a sex club?”

I see the argument building in him, but I feel so hot and angry right now, I could scream.

“I told you that was the biggest mistake of my life. I told you I was going through a lot, and—"

“Beau, we broke up for a reason. We weren’t right together…”

“Baby, I need you.” He squeezes me closer, nuzzling his face in my neck, and everything feels so wrong. Baby, I need you? Since when did he ever call me baby? And he certainly never needed me.

This stops now. I finally push myself away from him to stand. He looks disappointed, furrowing his brow and pressing his lips into a tight line.

“You don’t need me, Beau. You need to grow up,” I argue. “Or maybe you just need someone to finally put you in your place because I’m not going back to the way things were.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about how you never once made me feel good about myself while we were together. You talk about how hard your life was…well, have you noticed mine?” I ask, waving my arms around.

“You’ve changed,” he says with a grimace, and I laugh.