Powerless (Chestnut Springs, #3)(92)

I blink rapidly, taking a huge swig. “Everything he does for me says he cares. But I need”—I click my tongue and give my head a sharp bob—“I don’t fucking know. I guess after years of believing he doesn’t want me, I need more than just him falling into a happy, simple little rhythm with me. I want to feel like he can’t live without me. Like he’d do anything to have me. If he can’t find the words to tell me, I want actions. Just . . . something.”

Heads nod, and I feel spurred on by the reassurance, the lack of sleep, and the champagne on an empty stomach.

“At the risk of sounding petty, I want him to be just as lovesick as I am. I’ve wanted him for so damn long. I’m almost angry he never noticed. I want him to prove he notices now.”

“So are you guys . . . broken up?” Summer asks, her voice small and tentative.

“No. I don’t know.” A dark laugh bubbles up in me as I shrug. “I think we’re both just traumatized by our upbringings. Adulting is hard when your parents fuck you up, ya know?”

Summer and Winter give each other a loaded look before Winter says, “Yeah. I think we can relate.”

“Deep down I know Jasper will never leave me. Not even at my worst. That’s the thing about us. We can both be on our shittiest behavior and we’ll never hold it against each other for long.”

“Ugh. I love that.” Willa sniffs.

“I want him to make me feel secure. But I haven’t told him anything to make him feel secure either, and I know he needs that. Basically, I have no plan because . . . I really don’t know what to do with myself.” I sigh, looking up at the lights above me, feeling a little responsible for pushing him away. “I need to face my dad so that I can properly move on. Start fresh. I need to find my own security first. I just hope I’m not too late. But then the thought of him losing hockey? His career? His passion? All for me? I’m worried I can’t stack up against that.”

“Have you not seen the way that man looks at you?” Winter is grinning at me even though it’s an odd time to be grinning.

“I guess not.

“I only just met you two at dinner the other night, but he hangs on every word. Traces every movement. I’m not sure he even knew what else was going on in that room. It made me . . . it made me, well, it made me feel bitter if I’m being honest. It almost hurt to watch. But, ha, that’s a me thing.” She glances out the window. “At any rate, I’m giving him and his big dick my vote of confidence. Trust me. You stack up. I think he’ll come around.”

“But what if he doesn’t?”

Winter shrugs, and the other two continue to stare at me all wide-eyed. I doubt they know what to say. Jasper is a mystery wrapped up in an enigma to most people.

“Then you move on.”

Move on.

I take a deep swallow of my mimosa. It sounds so simple. So easy. So . . . obvious.

And yet, so impossible.

If moving on from Jasper Gervais was an option, I’d have done it by now.





36

Jasper


Willa: Hi. It’s Willa.

Jasper: Hi, Willa. It’s Jasper.

Willa: I was going to message you and ask how big your dick is, but I don’t think Cade would love that.

Jasper: I wonder why.

Willa: Instead, I thought I would tell you that now is your chance to prove how big your dick is.

Jasper: Thanks for the advice.

Willa: That wasn’t advice. It was motivation.

Willa: Also, you’ll never do better than her. I don’t care how famous you are.




“So, she asked if you’d gamble your career for a shot with her and you didn’t say anything?” Harvey is glaring at me over the rim of his steaming coffee mug like I might be the stupidest thing he’s ever seen.

“I went straight to Roman’s house and we called team management to sort things out. Explained it all.”

“Did you tell her that?”

I just glare back at Harvey. “Maybe I should have, but I wanted to go to her with a plan. Proof. I wanted to be able to assure her that my career was safe. That we were safe.”

Harvey must think my plan sucks because he says, “All you boys are idiots.”

I called Sloane on Monday. She ignored the call but texted me to say she was out with Summer and Willa. Didn’t stop me from sleeping on an air mattress in the empty house next door just to be close to her.

I went to our house on Tuesday after I’d finished at the rink, but when I went to the front door, I saw Sloane and Winter with a six-pack of Buddyz Best Beer and Chinese take-out boxes sprawled out between them. They were lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, laughing uncontrollably. It seemed like a dumb moment to knock and interrupt.

I also just plain chickened out. Got stuck in my head and let all the self-loathing get the best of me. I walked away, settling for laying my eyes on her to get a fix. Slept next-door again.

Today is Wednesday, and I should be in the city getting ready for my game tonight, but I’m going out of my mind. Sloane has dinner with her dad tonight, and I have a divisional game with two points on the line that we desperately need.

But I’m here, talking to the only man I’d ever come to for real advice. Because, while I never met his late wife, Isabelle, I know he was an excellent husband. He has to know a thing or two about relationships, where I don’t know anything. Haven’t exactly seen great examples in my life.