Perfectly Ordinary People(12)

And you remember it was afterwards that you met Ethel?

Yes. It was very important. People talked about it. And R?hm was homosexual, so until he was killed, Berlin’s homosexuals thought they’d be safe.

R?hm was gay?

‘Gay’ hadn’t been invented yet, dear. People said ‘queer’, or ‘homosexual’. But yes, it was quite widely known.

I’m surprised that one of Hitler’s top men could have been gay – that’s quite shocking.

Yes. Well, as I say, a lot of German homosexuals imagined they were safe because of R?hm’s presence at the top. Berlin was quite frenetic with queer clubs and bars back then. Of course, the Nazis had already burned down the Hirschfeld Institute in ’33, so that should have been a bit of a warning. But Hirschfeld was Jewish, so people were able to believe, if they so chose, that the reason for his persecution was his Jewishness. Oh gosh, you don’t know who he is either, do you? I can tell by the way you’re jotting things down.

I think I’ve heard of him, but . . .

I’m afraid you may have to look all this up at some other time, because otherwise we’ll be doing this for weeks!

I’m sorry. I feel terrible. Just give me a rough sketch.

Please don’t feel terrible. I’m surprised, but it’s fine. So, in a nutshell, Hirschfeld was a psychologist, or a psychiatrist, or whatever. He was one of the first sexologists, and he set up an institute in Berlin to explore the diversity of sexuality. In the thirties he campaigned quite vocally for homosexuality to be legalised. But the Nazis burned down his institute in ’33, which of course made homosexual Berliners nervous. But as R?hm was high up and was known to be gay, many chose to believe they’d be fine. That all changed on the Night of the Long Knives. R?hm was killed and the Nazis went on a rampage, shutting all the remaining homosexual bars and clubs and arresting people left, right and centre.

So there was a proper gay scene in Berlin, before the war?

Yes, before the Nazis shut it all down it was crazy there. There were clubs for men, and clubs for women and lots that catered for both. Before we left Alsace, I had a friend, Anne-Sophie, and her older sister, Josette – who incidentally I had a bit of a crush on – used to go dancing in Berlin. She had a men’s three-piece suit she used to wear, which was the fashion for lesbians, back then. She had a monocle, too! The stories she told were pretty wild.

Right. Thanks. I really should know more about this.

Well, I suppose, in a way, that’s why we’re here.

Yes, it’s why your story will hopefully be so interesting for our readers. So we’ve established that you and Ethel met in 1934.

Yes. It was summer and we were in the playground. Two older girls tripped Ethel up and when she tried to stand they pushed her back down. So I went over to help her.

She was being bullied?

Yes.

Was that because she was gay? Or for some other reason?

No, it was because she was Jewish. No one could have told she was gay back then. I doubt she knew she was gay at that point.

She was being bullied for being Jewish, in France?

Yes.

That surprises me.

<Laughs> That’s because we’ve all been so good at forgetting how anti-Semitic everyone was before the war. Which is, of course, because we’re ashamed about it. But no, anti-Semitism wasn’t a uniquely German phenomenon by any means. It was commonplace in France, and rife in England too. You’ll have to look up the Dreyfus Affair or Mosley’s blackshirts, but I can assure you, it was everywhere and it went right up to the top. King Edward was pretty chummy with Hitler, for example.

OK. And you went over to help Ethel get up?

Yes, I helped her to her feet. She was fine. She had a tiny graze on her knee, and she was a bit shaken, but she was basically fine. I was quite tough, so I looked out for her from that point on and we became friends.

You were tough, you say?

Yes. I’m tall for a woman. Or at least, I was, back then. I’ve lost a few centimetres since, and of course the youngsters are all so tall these days. But back in the day, I was probably the tallest girl in my class and I was sporty too. I was in a junior rowing club on the canal. I was one of the first women rowers they had. So I was pretty strong. The other girls tended not to mess with me. Not even the older ones.

You protected Ethel. That’s sweet.

I didn’t really protect her. But once people knew she was my friend, I suppose you could say that they left her alone. And Ethel liked that. We both liked that.

So you became friends. You said earlier that Ethel wouldn’t have known she was gay at that point. But what about you? Did you know? About yourself, I mean?

Oh, definitely. Some people don’t work out their sexual orientation until their forties, but I honestly can’t remember ever having not known. I knew I liked girls before I even knew that sex existed. And when I saw Ethel . . . well! She was so pretty, with all this lovely auburn hair. She’s lucky that way. My hair’s not quite straight, and not quite curly either, so it always looks a mess. But Ethel has the kind of hair that settles naturally into perfect little ringlets. And she has beautiful hazel eyes. Anyway, you get the picture. I liked her a lot.

So did you set about seducing Ethel? You were only thirteen so perhaps ‘seduced’ isn’t the right term. But did you set out to seduce her in the romantic sense of the word? Did you try to make her fall in love with you?