Part of Your World(79)

When she was in Wakan, she was my girlfriend. She didn’t want the title, but it didn’t matter. It was what it was.

But when she was back in her own world, I wasn’t her boyfriend. I don’t think I even existed for her outside of this place. And I didn’t know how to change that—and neither did she.

I felt desperate all of a sudden. Like a clock had begun ticking. An expiration date had been set on this thing between us, and she was right—it wasn’t a sex thing. Not even close. I’m not sure it ever really had been.

A small part of me hoped I could change her mind. If I was good enough to her, if I made her happy enough, maybe she’d reconsider. Maybe even if she got that job, we could figure it out. We could make it work.

But the realistic side of me knew none of those things were going to happen. There wasn’t going to be a save.

All I could do was give her what I could. And that wasn’t enough. She had a whole different life in a whole different world, and she’d only ever been here to visit. It was the reality of this situation. I’d always been on borrowed time with her. And I think I’d always known it.

I had to be in this with my eyes wide open. I had to sign up to be hurt when the time came for this to end. Because it would end. She’d made that clear.

“I’m in,” I said. “When it’s over, it’s over.”

But I knew even then, it wouldn’t be. I suspected it would never really be over.

At least not for me.





Chapter 29

Alexis



I spent four months with Daniel. Four amazing, incredible months.

It was August now, twelve weeks since we’d had our talk. The tourists were back, and I’d watched them breathe life into Daniel’s town.

The ice-cream and fudge shops were open, the pizza place and Mexican restaurant were back and had an hour wait every night, and the RV park was packed. The Grant House was booked seven days a week, and I helped Daniel with it while I was there. He usually wouldn’t let me get up to put the coffee on. He wanted me to sleep. But I spent the rest of the day doing what he did. Making beds, checking in guests, helping prepare breakfast.

I hated to admit it, but now that I helped Daniel, I understood what Neil had meant about me not knowing how to run a house. It was a lot. Repairs, maintenance, landscaping, cleaning. Even if these things were being delegated, they were a ton of work.

I’d been so shielded and privileged growing up. We’d had a property manager who dealt with it all, and then Neil had done it when we moved in together. Even in my ER, my nurses did all the dirty work for me. But I was learning. And it was changing how I saw the world around me and how I wanted to be seen.

I didn’t like that others had to take care of me. I wanted to know how to take care of myself. I wanted to pull my weight and learn to be self-reliant so that when I did depend on someone, it was by choice and not necessity. And it was Daniel who was teaching me how.

Daniel empowered me instead of stripping me. Lifted me up instead of keeping me low.

Daniel gave me everything he knew. He kept nothing for himself, the way Neil always did. Daniel gave his knowledge freely and happily, even though it lessened any advantage he might have had over me—and in doing it he weakened the last bit of hold Neil had, even if all Daniel did was show me I was capable of anything I needed to do.

It was Tuesday, and I was at home. I usually worked days, but I’d covered a shift for Bri last night and I didn’t get in until midnight. I didn’t want to get to Wakan at two a.m. so I decided to sleep here and drive over in the morning.

I loved being at Grant House.

It was warm and lived in. It felt almost alive somehow. Every single thing in those walls had a story. It was color and depth and crackling fireplaces and quiet nooks. A creaking step that felt like a gentle sigh under my feet. Ancient ferns and hand-wrought crown molding, the hundreds of delicate stained-glass butterflies on the window on the landing, black-and-white pictures of strangers that felt familiar now.

My blood pressure was lower in Wakan. It was like a finger pressed to my lips with a long shhhhhhh. And Daniel was a gentle hammock, rocking. Everything about them was centering and calm.

And I’d fallen in love with them both.

I wish I’d never met him.

Letting Daniel go was going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I felt like I was swimming out to sea with him, getting farther and farther from shore, and I’d saved no energy for the swim back.

I’d made an Olympic sport out of avoiding Neil. It was almost possible to pretend he didn’t live in my house. The only reminder I got was my dad occasionally showing up unannounced—not to see me, of course. To have drinks with my ex. To golf with my ex. To go on boat cruises with my ex. I was invited—as long as I was okay hanging out with Neil.

I wasn’t.

I made excuses and Neil didn’t push it, so my dad didn’t care that I didn’t go. Other than that, Dad had been quite pleasant the last few months. With me vying for chief and him thinking Neil and I were in counseling, I was his little princess again. Mom looked like a thousand-pound weight had been lifted off her chest, probably because Dad was back to being the better version of himself.

It was amazing how lovable and agreeable he could be when you were doing what he wanted.

What I wanted was to be in Wakan.