Park Avenue Player(46)

His response surprised me. “I’ll try to keep Elodie with you if I can. Even if you’re with your dad, I’ll pay to keep her with you, provided Elodie can stay.”

My eyes met his. Then I turned to her. “You won’t be able to get rid of me, Hailey. Even if I’m not being paid, I’ll still be in your life. I promise, okay?”

I knew that assurance meant somehow Hollis would always be in my life, too. He wasn’t going anywhere, so something had to change.

This was a reminder that I needed to move on from these feelings, move on with my life, despite him being in it.

Hailey let out a relieved breath. “I feel better now.” She sighed. “I know my mom is looking down and happy I have you guys.”

I knew Hailey’s mom had died of a drug overdose when she was little. It always broke my heart. But despite her mother’s decisions while on this Earth, Hailey spoke of her fondly, as if her mom were an angel watching over her now.

“You and I have more in common than you think,” Hollis said, placing his hand atop her head. “I know how hard it is to lose your mother. I know I had mine for much longer than you had yours, but losing her has never gotten any easier for me, no matter how old I am.”





Chapter 21




* * *





Hollis – 12 years ago




Anna rubbed my back. “Can I get you anything to eat? You haven’t eaten all day.”

“No, thank you.”

It was the day after my mother’s funeral. Yesterday had been exhausting, having to deal with everyone’s sympathies, having to actually talk to people while in this condition. But nothing was worse than the eerie quiet of today—the day after. No more I’m sorrys, no more noise, no more food deliveries. The quiet was deafening. And the harsh reality had hit: my mother wasn’t coming back.

I’d given up everything to stay home and take care of her while she was sick. I’d turned down the UCLA baseball scholarship because it would have meant leaving her. And it wasn’t just me who’d given up the opportunity to attend UCLA. When Anna realized I wasn’t leaving my mother, she’d stayed here and attended the local college with me. While I felt a lot of guilt over that, I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like if Anna had left on top of everything else.

With Anna by my side, my life had become about taking care of my mother. And I would do it all over again. Now that my mother was gone, I was supposed to have all of the freedom in the world. Yet I felt numb. I didn’t know who I was, if not my mother’s son. Despite this new freedom, in a strange way, I wasn’t sure what I’d do with my life now. I’d have to figure out a way to pick myself up and start over.

I sat in Mom’s bedroom and looked around at all of her things, the clothes hanging in the closet, the bunny figurines on the dresser. Easter was always her favorite holiday. She’d have the entire house decked out in pastel-colored eggs, little furry chicks, and bunny figurines. Easter was going to be tough this year.

Every day was going to be tough.

I knew eventually I would have to pack this stuff away so I could sell the house and move on with my life. There was only one thing I was sure of: moving on involved taking the next step with Anna. She was my family now.

“Let’s move in together,” I suddenly said.

Her eyes widened. “Where did that come from?”

“It comes from the fact that I love you. I want us to start our lives together. Mom would want that.”

Anna and I had planned to get an apartment together in California before our move was canceled. She’d continued living with her father while commuting to school.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

“Of course, I am. It’s long overdue.”

Before she died, my mother encouraged me to someday sell this house and use the money to buy Anna an engagement ring, along with a place for Anna and me to call our own. I planned to fulfill those wishes.

“I would love nothing more than to move in with you, baby,” she said.

“It’s settled, then.”

The brief high that came from thinking about shacking up with Anna was quickly replaced by another wave of emptiness.

She could see that my fleeting moment of happiness was gone.

“What can I get you?” she asked.

“Why don’t you go home?” I told her. “You’ve been by my side for three days straight. You need a break.”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

“It’s okay. I promise, I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m positive.”

She embraced me. “I love you so much. I’m just gonna check in on my dad. I’ll come right back tomorrow morning.”

Anna was about to get up off the bed when I placed my arm on hers to stop her.

“Thank you for everything.” I wrapped my hands around her cheeks, pulling her in for a kiss. Her warmth comforted me. Maybe tomorrow I could bury myself inside of her and forget this pain.

“You know you’re not alone, right?” she said. “You have me.”

That was probably the only thing I could count on. Anna had been my rock throughout my mother’s illness, and now in the aftermath of her death. Anna was my everything.