Park Avenue Player(33)

I clapped my hands and fell back against the couch. Telling the story made me as tickled as I’d felt when I’d realized what had gone down. I would be amused thinking about it for a long time to come.

“What are you going to do? Pretend you don’t know?”

I sat back up. “Is that medication also making you delirious? You know me, Bree. I’m not going to let it pass. I’m going to use it to torture the hell out of the man.”

Bree shook her head. “But he’s your boss.”

I shrugged. “So? He started it. If it’s okay to steal my panties, it’s okay to call him out on it. Plus, he’s totally fun to screw with.”

“Why do you think he took them? Is he lonely?”

“Honestly, I have no damn idea. If he’s lonely, it’s certainly not because he can’t get a date. The man is ridiculously good-looking. Even at the party yesterday, the mothers were all getting hot and bothered when he walked in.”

Bree got quiet. I knew what she was thinking. But it wasn’t like that—not with Hollis, anyway. “Stop worrying. I don’t want to torture him the same way I did the guys I met working for Soren. Hollis is different. I’m pretty sure he’s attracted to me, and that actually pisses him off.”

“Maybe he’s different in a good way,” Bree countered. “Maybe he’s the kind of guy who wears a lot of armor because he’s protecting a fragile heart.”

I scoffed. “Not so sure about that. I think it’s more like he hasn’t had time to get laid in a few weeks and wouldn’t mind boinking the nanny. But he’s smart enough to know that might not end well and then he’d have to find a new one. Hence, rub one out while wearing the nanny’s panties over his face.”

Bree looked skeptical. “Just don’t get yourself fired.”

I smiled. “Who me? Never.”

***

Baaa!

When Hailey and I walked into the apartment Monday afternoon, Huey greeted us. We looked at each other and smiled.

“Does that drive your uncle nuts?”

Her smile widened. “Pretty much.”

We laughed.

“Go take a shower and get that sticky stuff out of your hair. I’ll get dinner started, but I’ll save the chopping until you’re done so you can help.”

“Okay.”

Hailey and I had gone to MOMA today. And we took a walk through Central Park so I could show her Bethesda Fountain—which we’d seen in two paintings. During our walk, we passed a cotton candy vendor, and Hailey suckered me into buying her some. It was a breezy day, and her long hair blew into the pink fluff half a dozen times, making a clump of her hair sticky.

In the kitchen, I put the water on to boil and then heard the bathroom door close. Since I had a few minutes, I decided to do a little snooping. Hollis had acted like his normal, abrupt self this morning, and since Hailey was up early, I didn’t get a chance to ask him about my underwear. But maybe I would be able to find them—then I’d know for sure.

I listened at the bathroom door to make sure the shower was running and then went to Hollis’s bedroom. The door creaked as I opened it. I’d peeked inside last week, curious to see what his lair looked like, but I’d never actually stepped in.

Feeling a morsel of guilt, I crossed the threshold. I was invading Hollis’s privacy. Then again, how much more invasive can a person get than swiping undies? I had every right to be in here. Tit for tat. Though, seeing as he stole my panties and not a bra, I was thinking he was more of a va-jay-jay-for-tat man.

I looked around. A king-sized bed with a carved wood frame was the centerpiece of the room—very masculine, with luxurious-looking bedding. I bet those are soft and comfy. I had the strongest urge to find out, roll around in the center of the navy-and-cream-striped plushness. Another day, Elodie.

I tapped my pointer finger to my lip. Hmmm…Where would I stash my spank-bank material if I were a panty thief? I went to the obvious place first—the bedside nightstands.

The one on the left side was pretty barren—some batteries and a few old remotes. But the one on the right side was pretty full—a box of condoms, Visine, a pocket watch, a small notepad, two old wallets, a phone book, a few pens, and some other boring miscellaneous stuff. No panties.

I shut the drawer. Hailey wouldn’t be in the shower that long, and I didn’t want to get caught, so I needed to hurry up. I slid my hand under the mattress, checked under the bed, opened each of the dresser drawers and did a quick rummage through, and I even checked out his massive walk-in closet—no thong. I let out a sigh of defeat.

Maybe he didn’t steal it? Could it have been somewhere in my apartment and I’d overlooked it? Maybe I was wrong after all? I was just about to shut off the light when the bed caught my attention once again. Hmmm. It was worth a shot.

I walked around to the side where the end table was full—figuring that was where he probably slept—pulled back the bedding, and lifted the pillow.

Bingo!

Oh my God!

Oh my freaking God!

My eyes bulged.

My thong.

My freaking thong was under his pillow.

Though I’d been looking for it, I was shocked to actually find it. Especially under his pillow.

I stared at it for the longest time, unsure what the hell to do. Did I leave it? Take it? It wasn’t like there was proper etiquette for stealing back your lingerie from a panty thief. I had no idea what to do.