Parental Guidance (Ice Knights #1)(58)
Zara almost choked on her sea salt and caramel doughnut with coconut flakes. “Oh my God, warn a person before you say something so ridiculous! He’s not my boyfriend. It’s just a mutually beneficial partnership with one date left to go.”
She looked around at the other customers at the Donut Emporium on Sixty-Eighth Street who were all noshing on Harbor City’s best carb and sugar concoctions. No one paid them any mind.
It was a Saturday-morning tradition to meet Gemma and do some carb loading for the definitely-not-doing-a-marathon activities ahead of them. It was also the best time to catch up on everything they’d been missing. Between Gemma doing all her wedding planning and Zara working her ass off to finish her latest piece before the ball—not to mention going out on as many dates and non-dates with Caleb as possible—it had been hard to get together with her best friend. So this morning she’d pushed aside the unusual disappointment at waking up in a bed by herself—unless she counted Anchovy snoring beside her, which she did not—and had leashed the Great Dane. They’d walked the four blocks to one of the best outdoor eating spots in her neighborhood, where all dogs were welcome as long as they stayed on the outside of a short iron fence that surrounded the tables.
“Okay, fine.” Gemma took a sip of her hot tea, the steam floating up into the air of the first crisp fall morning of the season. “He can carry you off into the sunset on the Ice Knights’ Zamboni.”
“Not everyone gets a happily ever after.” Unease settled into Zara’s belly, turning the coconut flakes and sugary goodness into something acidic and foul, which pretty much made her the worst friend ever, considering she was sitting across from her best friend who was only a few months away from wedded bliss. “I mean, you do, obviously, because you and Hank are perfect for each other.”
“You don’t think there’s anyone perfect for you?” Gemma asked.
“I have to be realistic.” Zara reached over and gave Anchovy a few pets on the top of his head, his smooth fur settling her nerves. “I’m happy with a couple of orgasms and a good time.” Her fingers trembled, so she wrapped them firmly around her paper cup, letting its heat seep into her. “Isn’t that what the whole point of this Bramble date thing was? To clear out the cobwebs, not find forever.” She took in a deep breath, willing that stupid clock that always seemed to be ticking away in her subconscious to shut the hell up. She was getting exactly what she wanted and she was thrilled. Her throat burned, but she was determined to get the last bit out. “Well, I’m happy to report that they’re gone.”
Gemma raised an eyebrow. “So why do you sound like you’re about to cry?”
“I don’t cry. It’s allergies.” She wrinkled her tingly nose, blinking extra-hard to clear out the pollen that must have come out of nowhere. “And I’ll have you know that I don’t expect some knight in shining armor or Prince Charming to come rescue me from my life. I like my job. I have a goal I’m working toward.” She shoved a bite of doughnut into her mouth with more effort than necessary, part of it crumbling in her fingers. “Things were going well before Caleb Stuckey and they’ll go well after date five.”
“Which is why you’ve made sure to schedule that last date,” Gemma said, nodding as if Zara’s explanation made perfect sense while her eyes all but screamed that her pants were on fire.
Date five? She had six notifications from Bramble to schedule it. She’d ignored every single one like it was a dirty plate someone else had put in the sink instead of the dishwasher—resentfully and often.
“We’ve been busy.” No, that didn’t sound lame at all.
Gemma scoffed, dropping any pretense at believing any of the bullshit was real. “Why can’t you just admit that you really like him? That you finally found someone who you feel safe with? Who you aren’t going to have to worry will spring life-changing surprises on you in an effort to change the world in one fell swoop? Are you afraid it’ll just make all of this too real?”
“It’s not that.” It’s totally that, you big liar. “I mean, look at my history. It’s been one undependable guy after another in my life, from my dad and his crazy schemes to every boyfriend I’ve had.” Fear and panic and worry and a million other emotions went to battle inside her, leaving her bleeding and aching and wondering if she could survive this. “Is it really smart for me to fall for a guy who travels ten months out of the year? One who only dated me because his mom picked me out of a digital lineup? One who lives by the philosophy of going with his gut instead of solid, hardcore planning? What about any of that sounds like it could be forever?”
“You gotta let yourself believe.” Gemma reached across the table and laid her hands on top of Zara’s, giving her a gentle squeeze. “Have a little faith that something good can happen.”
But would it? The idea of answering yes was nearly overwhelming, leaving her lungs tight with anticipation and an elusive hope that began to feel a little more real with each day she spent with Caleb.
Chapter Seventeen
It was day two of Caleb being on the road, and Zara was dragging. Nothing felt right. She kept forgetting what she opened the fridge to get or that her female authors dollhouse was already packed up and waiting to be displayed at the Friends of the Library charity ball, so she couldn’t even make little last-minute adjustments. When it came to her art, nothing was ever finished, she just ran out of time.