Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(20)

I looked down at my hands and flexed them. They still trembled ever so slightly. I closed my eyes, and the tears were there waiting, dammed by my lids. I clenched my teeth and breathed in quick bursts, demanding the numbness to return.

‘Em, we’re going for a run,’ Serena announced, poking her head in the door. I opened my glassy eyes. Without reacting to my tortured expression, she calmly directed me, ‘Get dressed and come with us.’

I didn’t argue, knowing the run would be more therapeutic than sleep.

Meg was in the hall, tying her running shoes, when I exited my room.

‘Hey,’ she greeted with a comforting smile. ‘Get any sleep?’

‘Some,’ I responded. She didn’t mention the picture from The Times, which was no longer on my computer screen. I knew she’d closed it. Just like I knew that either she or Serena had picked up the photo that was missing from under my nightstand. I wasn’t oblivious to their protective gestures, even if we never talked about them.

‘How’s Sara?’ she asked.

‘Lethal. Jared better hope he never bumps into her.’

Meg smiled, probably picturing Sara in all her vengeance.

‘Ready?’ Peyton bounced out of her room, her blonde hair swinging in a ponytail.

‘Yeah,’ Meg and I answered in unison, following her as she hopped down the stairs.

Serena and Meg were quiet during our run. I wondered if Meg had told Serena what happened, but I wasn’t about to ask. Peyton remained oblivious to the strained silence. She proceeded to recap the fraternity party she’d attended the night before, with detailed descriptions of how each room was decorated in a different book theme, with corresponding drinks.

‘I think I drank every book.’ She laughed. ‘I mean drink.’

‘Shocking,’ Serena scoffed. Peyton ignored her.

‘When are you going out with Cole?’ Peyton interrogated, jogging faster to catch up with my pace.

‘What?’ Her voice was droning in my head like a rhythmic buzz.

‘What’s going on between you two? I never got to ask you, what happened when you met him at Joe’s?’

‘Umm … nothing really,’ I said evasively. ‘It was … nothing.’

‘Are you going to see him again?’ she pushed.

‘I … uh …’

I couldn’t form a sentence, forget about a thought. I was concentrating on not collapsing and bursting into flames right there on the sidewalk.

‘Are you ever going out with Tom?’ Meg intercepted. ‘I mean, you two have been flirting for forever. Does he even have your phone number?’

‘Yes,’ Peyton snapped. ‘He has my phone number. We’re just … taking our time.’

I lengthened my stride and left them behind, pushing myself around the next corner until I was sprinting, needing to extinguish the inferno before it consumed the limited air I had left. Serena remained right behind me, her face set and determined.

This only drove me to push harder towards the house, now in sight. My thighs screamed and my lungs burned. I let up and slowed to a walk after passing our front steps. Serena was hunched over with her hands on her thighs, sweat dripping down her flushed face.

‘Fuck, Em,’ she panted. ‘That was intense.’

I continued to walk around, taking long breaths, waiting for my heart rate to come down and the calm to take over. I closed my lids; the flames still danced beneath them, relentless, leaving me out of breath.

‘Serena?’ I said, frantic for relief.

‘Yeah?’ She sat on the bottom step with her elbows propped on the step behind her.

‘Will you do something with me?’

She stood up. ‘Anything.’

‘Will you go with me to get a tattoo?’

‘Today?’ she asked, her eyes scrunching ever so slightly to inspect the smooth expression on my face.

‘Yeah,’ I replied calmly. I knew what I asked her was drastic, but I figured if anyone would understand, she would.

‘Definitely.’ She smiled brightly. ‘I would love to be there for your first tattoo. Maybe I’ll add one to my collection.’

‘Thanks.’

After we’d showered and changed, Serena and I left for the tattoo parlour without saying anything to Peyton or Meg.

‘What are you going to get?’ she asked, the excitement dancing in her dark eyes. Her enthusiasm to be a part of this was exactly why I needed her to go with me.

I pulled the paper out of my pocket and handed her a drawing I’d created about a year ago, when I was still fighting with the nightmares. I hadn’t sketched it with thoughts of having it permanently inked on my body, but it seemed appropriate.

‘Wow,’ she admired. ‘You drew this?’ I nodded. ‘I didn’t know you could draw. This is amazing, Em. But with all that delicate script, it’s going to take a while. Spider would be the best to do this. Where are you going to get it?’

‘Here.’ I gestured to my left side, above my hip.

She cringed. ‘That’s going to hurt like hell.’

That’s what I was hoping.

I never made it to The Alley to meet Cole. I probably should have called him, but I didn’t. And he didn’t call me either.