One of the Girls(62)

She couldn’t say any of what she’d been thinking. You don’t tell people the ins and outs of death, the same way women don’t tell other women the full horrors of childbirth because, what’s the point? People will still die. Children will still be born. Let’s just say it’s hard, and then focus on all the other stuff that happens in between.

Lexi said, ‘Ed tries his best. I think it’s hard for him to understand fully because he hasn’t been through it.’

Eleanor stared directly at Lexi. ‘Actually, it’s quite simple: it would be like you – right now – dying. And Ed being expected to carry on. That’s what it would be like.’





55

Bella

Bella pushed her fingers through the roots of her hair, tousling for added volume. She licked her lips, then sauntered into her bedroom.

Fen was reading on their bed, one arm pillowing her head, the pale hollow of her underarm exposed. The shutters were thrown open, filling the room with light and welcoming in a faint sea breeze.

‘Hey,’ Bella said, coming to Fen’s side and perching on the edge of the bed. ‘Want to come float on a lilo with me?’

‘Thanks,’ Fen said easily, placing down her book, ‘but I’m going to stay out of the sun for a little while.’

Bella peered at the cover of Fen’s novel. ‘A Theatre for Dreamers. Any good?’

‘Yes. It’s about this group of bohemian artists and writers who live on a Greek island in the sixties. One of the characters reminds me a little of my aunt.’

‘Maybe I could borrow it afterwards? I want to get into reading.’

Fen looked surprised.

‘No more scrolling for me. I’m going to become one of those people who whips out a book in every free moment – a doctor’s waiting room, a train journey, a queue.’ She made a martial-arts-style movement, demonstrating the whipping out of a book.

Fen smiled.

‘So, what do you fancy doing for the rest of the day? Pool? Beach? Town? Mountain?’

Fen sat up. ‘I’m happy having a quiet one around the villa. Save our energy for the beach fire tonight.’

‘Sure.’ She reached for Fen’s hand, turning her silver thumb ring between her fingers. It was the first piece of jewellery Bella had bought from the boutique, knowing it would look sexy as hell on Fen. ‘Our last day.’

Fen drew back her hand, pushing it through her hair.

Bella felt the cold, hollowing sensation of Fen withdrawing. They both knew something had changed during the argument at the airport. Bella had promised herself that she wouldn’t bring it up during the hen weekend. Her strategy was to be so much fun, such magnetic company, that Fen could do nothing but love her. That was the plan – and yet now, she found herself asking, ‘What’s going on? Is everything okay?’ Her voice seemed to shrink. ‘Last night you … you just left me at the taverna.’

Fen winced. ‘I know. I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair.’ Her gaze drifted to the window. ‘There are some difficult memories for me out here. I … I saw someone at the taverna who I needed to face.’

‘What? Who?’ Bella said, straightening, an instant flame of protectiveness lighting in her chest.

‘A waiter called Nico. It’s not important. He’s not important—’

‘What did he do?’

‘Look, I—’

‘I knew something was off! You haven’t been yourself. Oh, babe, I’m sorry, I should’ve realised something was going on!’ A shot of relief flooded her body. The problem wasn’t their relationship! It was this waiter! A bloody waiter! ‘Tell me, what did this arsehole do?’

‘I’m sorry, but I’d rather not go into it. It’s over with now. I just wanted you to know that’s why I went home early.’

‘With Robyn.’ Her name slipped out like a bitter pip.

‘Yes. With Robyn.’

‘Why didn’t you talk to me? I should’ve been the one who took you back to the villa.’ Where the hell is fun, magnetic Bella?

‘It’s Lexi’s hen. I didn’t want to spoil the night. You’re the maid of honour – you needed to stay out with Lexi.’

Outside there was a splash as someone dived into the pool. Bella wanted to be down there, having fun, swimming with Fen. ‘Do you regret coming on the hen weekend?’

Fen thought for a moment, then shook her head. ‘No.’

Bella reached again for Fen’s hands, interlacing her fingers through them. Fen let her – but didn’t respond to the intimacy.

Looking down at their joined hands, Bella found herself saying, ‘It’s more than just the waiter, isn’t it? It’s us.’

Fen got to her feet, hands separating from Bella’s. She placed her book on the bedside table, then pushed her hands into the pockets of her shorts. ‘We should just enjoy the last day—’

‘You’re pulling away. You’ve barely been able to look at me all weekend.’

‘That’s not true.’

But it was. ‘When we get back, it’s over, isn’t it? You’re going to break up with me.’

Fen kept her eyes lowered. ‘Let’s talk about it when we’re home.’