One of Us is Lying(34)
My hair looks tremendous, though. At least I have that going for me.
There’s only one person who looks worse than me at school, and that’s Janae. She must have lost ten pounds since Simon died, and her skin’s a mess. Her mascara’s running all the time, so I guess she cries in the bathroom between classes as much as I do. It’s surprising we haven’t run into each other yet.
I see Jake at his locker almost as soon as I enter the hallway. All the blood rushes out of my head, making me so light-headed I actually sway as I walk toward him. His expression is calm and preoccupied as he twirls his combination. For a second I hope everything’s going to be fine, that his time away from school has helped him cool off and forgive me. “Hi, Jake,” I say.
His face changes in an instant from neutral to livid. He yanks his locker open with a scowl and pulls out an armful of books, stuffing them into his backpack. He slams his locker, shoulders his backpack, and turns away.
“Are you ever going to talk to me again?” I ask. My voice is tiny, breathless. Pathetic.
He turns and gives me such a hate-filled look that I step backward. “Not if I can help it.”
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Everyone’s staring at me as Jake stalks away. I catch Vanessa smirking from a few lockers over. She’s loving this. How did I ever think she was my friend? She’ll probably go after Jake soon, if she hasn’t already. I stumble in front of my own locker, my hand stretching toward the lock. It takes a few seconds for the word written in thick black Sharpie to sink in.
WHORE.
Muffled laughter surrounds me as my eyes trace the two Vs that make up the W. They cross each other in a distinctive, loopy scrawl. I’ve made dozens of pep rally posters for the Bayview Wildcats with Vanessa, and teased her for her funny-looking Ws. She didn’t even try to hide it. I guess she wanted me to know.
I force myself to walk, not run, to the nearest bathroom. Two girls stand at the mirror, fixing their makeup, and I duck past them into the farthest stall. I collapse onto the toilet seat and cry silently, burying my head in my hands.
The first bell rings but I stay where I am, tears rolling down my cheeks until I’m cried out. I fold my arms onto my knees and lower my head, immobile as the second bell rings and girls come in and out of the bathroom again. Snatches of conversation float through the room and, yeah, some of it’s about me. I plug my ears and try not to listen.
It’s the middle of third period by the time I uncoil myself and stand. I unlock the stall door and head for the mirror, pushing my hair away from my face. My mascara’s washed away, but I’ve been here long enough that my eyes aren’t puffy. I stare at my reflection and try to collect my scattered thoughts. I can’t deal with classes today. I’d go to the nurse’s office and claim a headache, but I don’t feel comfortable there now that I’m a suspected EpiPen thief. That leaves only one option: getting out of here and going home.
I’m in the back stairwell with my hand on the door when heavy footsteps pound the stairs. I turn to see TJ Forrester coming down; his nose is still swollen and framed by a black eye. He stops when he sees me, one hand gripping the banister. “Hey, Addy.”
“Shouldn’t you be in class?”
“I have a doctor’s appointment.” He puts a hand to his nose and grimaces. “I might have a deviated septum.”
“Serves you right.” The bitter words burst out before I can stop them.
TJ’s mouth falls open, then closes, and his Adam’s apple bobs up and down. “I didn’t say anything to Jake, Addy. I swear to God. I didn’t want this to come out any more than you did. It’s messed things up for me too.” He touches his nose again gingerly.
I wasn’t actually thinking about Jake; I was thinking about Simon. But of course TJ wouldn’t know anything about the unpublished posts. How did Simon know, though? “We were the only two people there,” I hedge. “You must have told somebody.”
TJ shakes his head, wincing as though the movement hurts. “We were kissing on a public beach before we got to my house, remember? Anyone could have seen us.”
“But they wouldn’t have known—” I stop, realizing Simon’s site never said TJ and I slept together. He implied it, pretty heavily, but that was it. Maybe I’d overconfessed. The thought sickens me, although I’m not sure I could have managed to tell Jake only a half-truth anyway. He’d have gotten it out of me eventually.
TJ looks at me with regret in his eyes. “I’m sorry this sucks so bad for you. For what it’s worth, I think Jake’s being a jerk. But I didn’t tell anybody.” He puts a hand over his heart. “Swear on my granddad’s grave. I know that doesn’t mean anything to you but it does to me.” I finally nod, and he lets out a deep breath. “Where are you going?”
“Home. I can’t stand being here. All my friends hate me.” I’m not sure why I’m telling him this, other than the fact that I don’t have anyone else to tell. “I doubt they’ll even let me sit with them now that Jake’s back.” It’s true. Cooper’s out today, visiting his sick grandmother and probably, although he didn’t say so, meeting with his lawyer. With him gone nobody will dare stand up to Jake’s anger. Or want to.
“Screw them.” TJ gives me a lopsided grin. “If they’re still being assholes tomorrow, come sit with me. They wanna talk, let’s give them something to talk about.”