One by One(24)

“If we retain control and manage to remain solvent,” Rik shoots back.

“For fuck’s sake, Rik—” Topher snaps, and I feel the panic in my chest begin to explode like a slow but inexorable chemical reaction. Before it can escape, Eva stands up, holding out her hands, putting herself physically between them.

“Guys, guys, come on. We’ve got plenty of time to go through the question of a public offering, now’s not the time. Liz, am I to take it that you can’t give us an indication right now?”

I can’t bring myself to speak, I just make a swing of my head that could be yes, or could be no. Eva smiles, and crosses the room to take my hand. She squeezes it reassuringly, the scent of her perfume druglike and headily overwhelming in the small room.

“No problem, okay, well in view of that, I suggest we all head up to our rooms to get ready, and we can go through the issues Rik raised in more detail after lunch. Agreed?”

There are nods and murmurs of assent, and then Topher, Elliot, and Rik file out.

I stand up, my legs shaking, and I’m about to follow them when Eva stops me.

“Liz, hold up a second. Are you okay?”

I can’t speak for a minute, and then I manage.

“I’m—I’m sorry, Eva, I know we talked about this last night, and I promise, I am—I am going to do it—it’s j-just—”

“Of course,” Eva says, and she puts a hand on my arm. I think it’s meant to be reassuring, but the effect is to prevent me edging towards the door. “I completely understand.”

“It’s just—” I glance out the door, checking Topher isn’t within earshot. But he is gone, thank God. “It’s just, it’s hard to come out and say it, you know?”

“I get that. There’s a lot of loyalty between you. And I understand what you’re saying; he’s going to see it as a betrayal, no matter how reasonable your decision is.”

“I’m—” I swallow. The truth is I’m frightened, but I don’t want to say that to Eva. It sounds absurdly dramatic. “I’m just—”

Eva’s looking at me with concern, and I know why. She’s wondering if I will go through with our agreement. But I have made up my mind now. I grope again for that fatalistic peace that descended on me last night. I try to remember how it felt—that certainty, that calm resolve. My heart steadies a little. I can be as determined as Topher, when I make up my mind.

“You don’t need to worry,” I say, and my voice is stronger. “I’m not going to let you down. I just—I need to bite the bullet.”

Eva’s face clears, and she pats my arm sympathetically, giving it a little squeeze to show that we are in this together.

“Look, he’ll be pissed off,” she says. “I can’t pretend that’s not the case. And I can’t say I’m relishing this either. But he’ll get over it. He’ll understand.”

The thing is, he won’t. As we file out of the little room to change into ski clothes and get our stuff together, that’s what I realize. He definitely won’t understand. There is no way of seeing what I’m about to do as anything other than a huge betrayal. But I have no choice. That’s what I just have to keep telling myself. I have no choice. I have to see this through.





ERIN


Snoop ID: LITTLEMY

Listening to: Offline

Snoopers: 5

Snoopscribers: 10

“Right,” I call to the little group standing in front of the chalet, fiddling with bindings. “Let me explain the lay of the land a bit. The track in front of us, leading off to the left, is the one you took from the funicular railway. You can retrace your steps back up the hill, which would get you back to the funicular and the long blue run down into St. Antoine.”

“Blanche-Neige, right?” Topher puts in, and I nod.

“That’s right. It’s a really nice run. However, getting back up there would require a fair amount of sidestepping uphill, so assuming you want to ski out, the only downhill route is this path down through the woods.” I indicate a little path that winds along the side of the chalet and disappears through the pines behind us. “It leads onto the bottom of the green run, Atchoum, and from there to the Reine telecabine.”

“Telecabine?” Inigo asks, and I remember the Americans use different terms.

“Oh, sorry, the what-do-you-call-it. The bubble lift. Are there any complete beginners here?”

“M-me!” Liz calls, nervously. “I’ve only skied once before. Dry slope. I wasn’t very good.”

“Okay, well don’t worry, the path is a little bit steep for the first few meters but then it levels out and really all you’ve got to do is point your skis forward and slide the whole way. You can snowplow the first section if you want, but I wouldn’t recommend it, you want a bit of speed for the flat. I suggest the experienced skiers go first, then the snowboarders, you’re going to have a bit of trouble on the flat section, and then I’ll bring up the rear with anyone who’s slightly less confident. After the flat part the path joins the green piste and there’s a very gentle descent to the lift.”

“Give us a tow,” Topher says to Eva, with a grin, and she rolls her eyes and sticks a pole out behind her. I point them in the right direction and watch as they schuss off along the little narrow path between the trees. When they get to the flat, Eva breaks out into a beautiful skating motion, pulling Topher along behind her, and I watch her as she goes, her scarlet ski jacket flickering in between the trees. Whoever it was who described her as practically an Olympian is right; she’s a very good skier. Better than me, and I’m no slouch. Topher, from the way he handled the steep little descent at the beginning, not easy on a board, is evidently in his element.