One By One by Freida McFadden(45)

“Your friend is a real nut job,” Warner mutters.

I would have thought Noah would say something to defend his best friend, but he keeps his mouth shut.

“And you know what else?” Warner frowns. “That Michelle seemed like a real class A bitch. Not that I got to know her or anything, but you can just tell.”

“Yeah.” Noah rubs at the back of his neck. “She wasn’t so bad. She just… she and Jack had issues.”

I look at Noah, surprised he would defend Michelle, considering he never particularly liked her. But then again, if he really thinks she’s dead, there’s no reason to trash talk her.

“Tomorrow we need to go north,” Warner says. “We should follow the sun, not that broken compass that’s been taking us around in circles. The inn is north. I know that. If we go north, we’re going to hit something.”

Noah nods. “I agree.”

For the first time all day, I feel a twinge of hope. The compass was obviously our problem. If we follow the sun, we will get to the inn.

“I’m going to try to get some sleep,” Warner announces. “I’ve never been so tired in my whole goddamn life.”

“Me too,” I say. I let out a yawn as an almost painfully sleepy feeling comes over me. My eyelids feel like lead. It must be from all the walking. “I can’t keep my eyes open.”

I look over at Noah, wondering what’s going to happen next. Last night there was no question about whether or not we would sleep next to each other—we slept apart, as always. But now something has changed. I want him next to me. I want his arms around me while we drift off.

I lie down in my makeshift bed of leaves. Noah hesitates for a moment, then lies down right beside me. He drapes his arm around me, pulling me close to his body. Despite everything going on right now, a feeling of peace comes over me. I missed this so much.

I love you. The words are on the tip of my tongue. I haven’t said that to Noah in so long. We used to say it all the time. It used to be how we ended every phone call. We never say it anymore. This is the first time in years that I felt the urge. The only thing stopping me is Warner lying a few feet away from us.

Noah pulls me closer to his warm body. The fire fades away as my eyes drift shut. I’m so tired. It must be all the walking. I feel like I could sleep for days.

And I do sleep for a very long time. The only thing that finally wakes me up is the sound of gunshots.





Chapter 26


ANONYMOUS



The rules in our house were very strict.

Dinner was six o’clock sharp every night—you clean your plate or else. Come straight home immediately after school. Church every Sunday morning. Half an hour of television only on weekends, and no TV at all if any rules were broken. And every night before bed, my mother would watch me say my prayers:



Now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should live another day

I pray the Lord to guide my way.

Amen.



If the rules were broken, there were consequences. When my dad was in town, it was usually something reasonable. No dessert. Go to bed early. But if he wasn’t around, the punishments were more creative.

When I was coming home one day when I was twelve years old, my mom caught me chewing gum. We had recently moved to a new school, and I was trying hard to make friends this time. One of those friends had given me a piece of gum at school, and I chewed it all the way home. I had meant to dispose of the evidence once I got home, but my mom was vacuuming in the living room and caught me.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she hissed at me.

I should have just spit it out and apologized. But I was dumb. “All the other kids at school are allowed to chew gum.”

“You mean all your hoodlum friends?”

“It isn’t fair,” I mumbled under my breath.

“Fair?” My mom pushed the vacuum aside, her eyes flashing. “You want to talk about what’s fair? Do you think it’s fair that I’m stuck here with you while your father is off…”

I didn’t say anything else. It was time to shut up.

“Gum.” My mom held out her hand in front of my lips. I spit the flavorless gum into her palm. “Good. Now go outside and ask God’s forgiveness for what you’ve done.”

“Outside?”

It was January. One of the coldest days of the year. I had just walked half an hour to get home and I could barely feel my toes in my sneakers. I didn’t want to go back outside.

“Yes.” She glared at me. “I’m not letting you up to your room with all your games and books. Outside. Now.”

“But—”

“If you want to argue, I’d be happy to take your coat for you.”

I had no doubt she would do it.

I trudged out to the backyard. It was even colder back there than it was on the street. Some of our neighbors had tire swings or play sets out in the backyard, but I had nothing. Not even a bike. The backyard was all just my mom’s berry bushes.

I was hungry, but the bushes were barren right now. I hugged my chest, trying to keep warm. I jogged in place, which helped a little, but it didn’t make my fingers, my toes, or my ears feel less frozen.

I walked over to the tiny wooden cross in the center of the yard. That was where Snowball was buried after she died last year. My mother had wept on her knees. I wondered if she would cry that way if something happened to me. I couldn’t imagine it.