Once & Future (Once & Future #1)(79)

Ari walked deeper into the heart of the glorious field, her brother at her heels. When they were out of earshot of the others, she made herself speak. “First, tell me where our parents are.”

“Tanaka, last I heard. They’ve been on the lam for a while, but they check in regularly. They took your death hard. Especially Captain Mom. She blamed herself.”

“That’s enough.” Ari burned. “Now tell me what you two lovebirds were arguing about.”

“How much to tell you about us.”

Okay, perhaps it was wise that Jordan made her leave the sword behind. “So? Do I get lies? Half-truths? What’s the verdict?” Ari paused. “I assume you’re the one who wants me to know. Gwen has always been a labyrinth of careful fiction. Did you know she was born on Troy? She told me she came from Lionel. She—”

“Was abandoned by her parents, Ari. Sold to the Lionel School for casino credits when she was five. Can you even imagine how hard that would be to admit?”

Ari stopped walking. The sun was so strong, she had to shield her eyes to take in her brother’s. “She could have told me that.”

“You’re not always easy to talk to,” he said, rubbing the bite mark she’d left on his forearm. “And you have no idea how close she came to being one of those Mercer kids. Raised by them, owned by them. She’s into this kings and queens life because it is her family.” He started to pace, and Ari knew her brother well enough to know that he was working himself up to something. “She’s been on her own her whole life, dreaming of what it’d be like to have someone. A real person. At least you and I had each other when our moms were taken.”

Ari reached out and caught his arm, making him face her. “Fine, Kay. You’re right, but none of that explains how or why you would step in when I was… unavailable.”

Kay’s eyebrows notched. “Gods damnit, Ari! You’ve flown in and out of her life like a space rat boyfriend, you know that? Appearing, disappearing. You’ve hurt her so—”

“Stop, I know!” Ari’s eyes crossed the field, reaching for the place where Gwen stood, one hand on her belly, her face a cloud of emotion as she watched them.

One hand on her belly.

“A very odd request,” Ari murmured, remembering Lam’s words… and then Gwen’s confession about wanting a kid back on Lionel. Ari’s eyes widened on her brother. “She’s not…”

“Not ever going to be alone again. Even if both of us get killed.”

Kay held his head higher, proud of himself on some level Ari couldn’t even begin to line up. And she couldn’t breathe. Gwen was going to have a baby. Kay’s baby.

The Gwen and Ari who had danced yesterday—pressed together as if every force in the universe was binding them—were gone. Vanished. Her head rushed, and she doubled over, hands on her knees, hair falling in her face. “Okay,” she said. “Okay, okay, okay.” The word was broken, on repeat. This was not okay.

“Ara.”

Ari paused. Gwen had never used her real name before. She looked up to find Kay much farther away, replaced by an apprehensive Gwen. Apparently, it was her turn to offer apologies. Or explanations. Or excuses.

“Gweneviere.” Ari lifted herself to her full height; she needed to be stronger than this. Even if it was the biggest lie she’d ever embraced. “I think I’m to congratulate you.”

Gwen sighed, her shoulders slumping. “I need you to understand—”

“We can talk about this later.” Ari aimed for calm understanding, but it came across as plain old hurt, her tone stinging. “I have to focus on what we’re doing here.” She crossed back to Excalibur, ripping it out of the earth where Jordan was trying to bring it back to a glorious sheen.

Gwen followed. “No, we have to talk now. We might not have a later.”

The black knight growled and left them alone.

Ari looked over the newly polished sword. It was easier than looking into Gwen’s deeply brown eyes. “What…” She cleared her throat. “What are we supposed to say, Gwen? You picked the one person in the universe I wouldn’t be able to…” Forgive wasn’t the right word. Forget wasn’t either. There was no right word. “The one person that would end my feelings for you.”

“End?” Gwen snapped in that commanding queen voice Ari loved and roiled against in equal measure. “What, did you take up lying while you were gone?”

Ari kept staring at her sword, the newly polished places a harsh contrast to the tarnished lines. She could be mad at Kay, surly to her knights, but she was nothing but wounded with Gwen. “I can’t feel this way, Gwen. I have to bring down the Administrator today.”

“That’s bullshit, Ari.”

“But it’s not! And this,” Ari motioned between them, “proves it. Arthur’s heart gets ruined by Gweneviere. That’s the legend. You break me, and I’m so destroyed I bury myself in the cause. Defeat evil, maybe even unite humanity this time. Until he…”

Ari’s thoughts nosedived as she recalled Arthur’s death at the hand of his son. She glanced at Gwen’s stomach.

“Ari, you’re talking about yourself and King Arthur like you’re the same person.”