Once & Future (Once & Future #1)(51)

Ari’s knotted muscles released, her insides melting. She fell into the bed, pulling Gwen on top of her. Their hips connected in a way that made Ari tear at Gwen’s clothes, and it wasn’t until Ari had pulled Gwen’s delicate shoulders out of her robe and left a trail of kisses from her neck to her lovely nipples that she came back up for air.

Ari dropped her head on the bed, dizzy, gasping. Red hot. She sat up on her elbows. Gwen’s beautiful, rich skin was all she could see. Ari made herself look into Gwen’s eyes. “I have to go down there with them.”

“Trust your knights.” She squeezed Ari’s hips with her thighs. “Stay with me.”

Perhaps it was Lionel that made Gwen refer to Ari’s friends as her knights, but it only reminded her of Merlin. Of King Arthur. “Do you believe what everyone else believes, Gwen? That I’m some magical, long-dead king?”

Gwen sat up, straddling Ari like a winged mythical creature. She shrugged her robe back onto her shoulders. “I think people need heroes. I think you’re a hero. It’s that simple to me. And that important. And I’m not going to lose you on stupid Urite.”

“They’re my parents, Gwen.”

“Your parents are… important. They’re just not more important than beating Mercer.”

Ari sat up, pushing Gwen away. “Are you serious right now?”

Gwen was steaming. “I have parents, too, Ari, but you don’t see me dropping everything I care about to save them.”

Ari felt Gwen’s words in strange places. “You told me your parents were dead.” Gwen slid farther away, now more of a delicate bird perched on the edge of the bed. “And you were born on Troy and never told me. Why do you keep lying? What else are you lying about?”

“Stop.”

“How am I supposed to trust you if you’re still keeping secrets?”

She will hurt you in the end, so very badly, Merlin had said.

Gwen turned, surprising Ari with bright tearful spots in her eyes. “Still keeping secrets? Are we fourteen again, making out behind the stables while you demand to know everything about me, and when I don’t tell you instantly, you run away?”

Now that was a harsh truth. Ari sat up, shoulder to shoulder with Gwen, unable to look at her. “We’re not exactly the same. We have sex now.”

“Is that supposed to be funny?” Gwen’s eyes flared. “Why are you acting like I’m about to dump you?”

Ari didn’t look away. She couldn’t. “Merlin says you’re going to hurt me. Like this is part of the cycle.”

“He what?”

“I don’t want to believe it, but he’s been weirdly right before. And you said it yourself that this King Arthur stuff has some merit to it.”

“You believe him? You think I’m going to hurt you because some skinny puppy wizard said so?”

They both fell silent.

“I’m sorry,” Ari finally said.

“About what, Ari? That you believe Merlin is telling the truth and that I’m lying because I won’t tell you everything? You’ve twisted me up inside all over again, except it’s worse because I’m not fourteen anymore and I know that I love you.”

Ari tilted on the bed, surprised.

The door opened, and Kay appeared in the aftermath of Gwen’s L-bomb like an octopus at a picnic. Gwen stood up to yell. “Can’t you knock, you buffoon?”

“This is my room!” He glanced from Gwen to Ari, sensing the frayed ends of their argument. “I need clothes.” He picked up a balled shirt out of a drawer and left, tossing back a few words over his shoulder. “Landing in five. Suit up!”

They stared at each other silently for a long moment. “I have to go with them, Gwen.”

“I know!”

It was a quiet shout, and Gwen pressed her hand over her mouth in such a wounded way that Ari stood and pulled Gwen tight.

“Don’t you dare say a word about love,” Gwen mumbled, her mouth against Ari’s neck. “I brought it up, and you didn’t respond, and now anything you say is ruined because you’ve had time to feel bad.”

“My brother rammed into the room.”

“There was a decent pause before that.” Gwen’s tone wasn’t iciness but plain old pain. “Look, I put myself out there, and you don’t want the risk, so it’s fine.”

“I want to be with you, but…” Ari admitted. There’s so much I have to do.

“I don’t think I want to hear that but,” Gwen said.

Error shuddered as though they were entering heavy wind. They held on to each other while Ari’s magboots kept them rooted to the spot. When the shuddering grew worse, Ari loosened her grip on Gwen, raising her voice over the roar outside. “We’re in the atmosphere. In the storm. This is going to happen fast.”

Gwen balanced through the ship’s shudders, strapping on Ari’s pauldron and the sheath she kept across her back. She tightened the buckles. Looped the extra leather in tightly.

Ari watched Gwen’s bowed head and soft, curved neck. Her hair was down in beautiful waves. “People think there are only two ways to react when someone brings up love,” she started so quietly that Gwen pulled herself against Ari to hear. “The first is to say it back. The second is not to. But if you don’t say it back, you have to compensate. Soften hurt feelings with, ‘Oh, thank you’ or ‘That’s so sweet.’ I didn’t do either.”