On Rotation(69)

I reached for her hand and squeezed.

“I missed you,” I confessed. “Can we never fight again?”

“Only if I never wait to tell you that I’m moving out until I’m practically out the door,” Nia offered with a shrug.

I shook my head, chuckling to myself.

“Yeah, well, I was too far up my ass to realize that you even wanted to.” I blew over my tea. “So. How’s living with Shae? By the way, I’m allowed to make a lesbian U-Haul joke about y’all, right? Because come on.”

Nia laughed.

“That part was all business, okay? Shae doesn’t charge me rent. Plus, they live right across the street from the bakery, and now that my hours are going to be about as bad as yours, I didn’t want to commute.”

“Doesn’t charge you rent, huh?” I said. That made sense; Nia didn’t seem in much of a rush to find a subletter. “What a sweet deal.”

“It is,” Nia admitted. She smirked to herself. “You know what’s funny about all of this?” When I swallowed expectantly, she continued. “I’m here right now because of Shae.”

“Because of Shae?” I repeated.

Nia nodded.

“I don’t know if Ricky’s told you this,” Nia said. “But the two of them have been thick as thieves since high school. It’s actually nauseating; Shae always be on that phone texting him.”

I hadn’t noticed, though when I thought about it, Ricky did frequently put down his tablet pen to smirk at his laptop and type. Did that mean that all this time, he’d been cheating at our study game and sneaking in conversations with his bestie? All while tittering at me for being easily distractible? I filed that factoid away for future ribbing and nodded for Nia to keep going.

“But a few years back, when Ricky and She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named got together, Ricky went ghost on Shae,” Nia continued.

“I don’t know this story,” I said softly. I remembered how I’d felt watching Nia pack up her kitchen utensils, and hearing some of that pain reflected in Shae’s voice—I thought you said she was cool with it—

“Well, he didn’t want to,” Nia said. “But you know how the guy is. Most of his friends are women. Camila didn’t like that and gave him an ultimatum. Them versus her. Didn’t even matter to her that Shae isn’t a woman; they got lumped right in.” Nia tilted her head to one side, considering. “It sounds fucked that he would even consider it, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, my fists curling in my lap. If a man I’d just met suggested I get rid of Markus, I would kick him to the curb so quick he’d get whiplash.

“Thing is, those two get each other. So Shae understands why he went along with it. They even let him drift for a while, but both of them were miserable the whole time. Eventually, though, Shae got fed up. Practically banged down Ricky’s door.” Nia chuckled, as if the memory were her own. “They talked, Ricky told his girl to back off, and the rest is history.”

“That was brave of Shae,” I said. Not like me. Paralyzed by a fear of being rejected for good, I hadn’t even sent Nia a text, let alone showed up at her new place to demand an audience.

“They’re a brave person,” Nia said. She let the sentence steep for a long minute, then pushed a stubborn curl out of her eyes. “You know what they told me, after we finished moving me out?”

“What?” I asked.

“That finding someone to love you romantically is actually kind of easy,” Nia said. “There’s a whole cocktail of brain chemicals at work telling you to obsess over this other person. Plus a rulebook for relationships we’ve all been given since infancy. Friendship doesn’t have any of that, and so finding a person who will hold you down for no reason is rare. Shae has so many coworkers who have a partner but not a single close friend, and they’re all desperately lonely because of it.” On the next blink, Nia’s eyes grew glassy with tears. “They told me that, if I was planning on ditching you, then I better be prepared to never get you back. And I would have to ask myself if whatever you’d done warranted that. And if it didn’t, ask myself why I was willing to potentially torch what we had for no good reason.”

If Shae had been here in person, I would have hugged them.

“I knew I liked them,” I said.

“Shae is wonderful. They . . . really feel like they could be it for me, you know? They love me, and make me feel beautiful every day, and hold me accountable when I act out of pocket. I love them, and I’m loving living with them.” Nia bit her lip. Her smile dimmed, and then fell away altogether. “But . . . I’m scared, too. It’s been you and me for, like, ever. I’m not even sure I know who I am without you. And now, here I am, trying to find out, and almost losing you in the process.”

I scooted closer to Nia, dropped my head onto her shoulder. For every summer vacation, every adventure, every trip, practically every class we could manage, it had been the Nia and Angie Show. Everyone else was supporting cast. Michelle had understood this early on and resented it. Would I be who I was without Nia? Without her kindness that day in our school cafeteria so many years ago?

“Remember when we used to say we’d get old together?” I said. “Buy a ranch? Rent out the space to some hot ranch hands when we started to crave a little romance?”