Objective (Bloodlines #2)(26)

On my way home I swing into a nearby nursery to pick up some plants. The sun is shining, it’s warm out and there’s a slight breeze. It’s the perfect day for a little gardening. By the time I swing into my driveway it’s late afternoon. I schlep all my crap from the car in two loads and change into comfortable pants and a tank top that I don't mind getting dirty. I sweep my hair up on top of my head and secure it in place. When I catch my reflection in the mirror I stop and stare. I hardly recognize myself anymore. I turn slightly to the left and stare at the visible portions of my magnolia tree tattoo. I think about the three four-hour sessions it took to complete it. I’d stopped at Bloodlines Tattoo Parlor in Blacksburg Virginia. Clara asked few questions and made me feel safe while I was there. It was like she knew I needed the tattoo. Looking back, she probably shouldn’t have done it for me; I was a wreck, barely holding it together. But I’m glad she did. It starts just above my left butt cheek and sprawls up and across my back. Beautifully detailed branches reach up to my right shoulder and arm, the blossoms bursting color throughout the branches. The branches are gnarly and twisted, like my heart. It’s gorgeous for a tattoo but I’m not a tattoo girl, not really. The pain that came with getting it was fitting. Bittersweet actually. The longer I stare at it the more lost I feel.



My vision turns blurry and I feel like I’m swaying. Memories that I keep deep in the recesses of my heart assault me. I grab the countertop to steady myself and count slowly to ten while deep breathing. When I can take a step I grab my disposable phone and dial from memory.

“‘Lo?” comes the familiar peppy voice.

“Aster,” I blurt. “It’s bad today.” The line is silent for a moment before her voice starts and instantly soothes me.

“It’s okay, you’ll be okay. Breathe. How are things besides that?” she asks trying to distract me.

“I miss him so much. I still miss him so much. Fuck. It hurts...” I cry brokenly into the speaker.

“STOP!” she yells firmly. I sniffle a few times and get myself back under control.

You give me like two measly phone calls a week, bitch! I am not spending them wasted on that situation anymore.” She sounds mad, and guilty, and sad all at the same time. I suck in another deep breath and exhale. Just keep breathing.

“I miss your face so much, Aster. God, I miss you,” I croak.

“Not as much as I miss yours, you stupid jerk. Seriously. Finals are just around the corner and I’m dying without you. I suck at school!” She laughs.

“You don't, you know, you just actually need to go to class and not party so much,” I counter.

“But the boys are soooooooo cute, Mags, so damned cute.” This time I’m the one laughing. It feels good. It feels familiar, but only with her. She’s all I have left from that life. “When can I see you?” she asks, breaking my mood.

“Aster, we talked about this.” I grimace.

“Yeah, but it’s been over a year. It has to be safe now. Come on,” she pleads.

“I don't think so. I promise to call twice a week to check in still but I don't think it’s safe for you. He might watch you.” My tone is hushed even though there is no one around me. Thinking about him gives me chills. Aster lets out a long sigh on the other end.

“Mags, six more months, that’s all I’m giving you. Six. Months. Then, I show up at your door,” she states with determination.

“Fine. But keep your eyes open, Aster. I need you. You’re my sanity.”

“Are you still...medicating?” she all but whispers to me.

“I promised you I wouldn't get that bad again and I’m not. I barely drink at all now,” I tell her hoping she can hear the sincerity in my voice. We chit chat for a few more minutes about nothing but gossip before hanging up. I always feel better while talking to her but once the line’s dead I feel heavy with a different guilt. I abandoned her. My cousin, my best friend. I left everyone else behind without a thought, but I couldn't with her. I still need her, I always will. So for now, I keep her with me the only way I can. Phone calls on a different burner phone each week. She’s really the only one I miss. Well, not the only one, but the only one who’s still alive to miss.





Chapter 10





“There was another life that I might have had, but I am having this one.” – Kazuo Ishiguro


I spent the rest of my day yesterday planting, weeding and mulching my small gardens. It was cathartic and gratifying. The little patio area smells and looks amazing now and it makes it more enjoyable to sit out here. It’s a beautiful morning out. Not a single cloud in the sky. I love mornings. Always have. Mornings can make you feel brand new. They are peaceful and quiet. Serene. Mornings bring hope. I covet my mornings. Steam billows off the coffee mug in my hand as I sit in my Adirondack chair and enjoy the sound of nothing. I take a sip of the steaming hot liquid before leaning my head back against the chair back, and closing my eyes and enjoying the feel of the sun on my face and the smell of the flowers I’ve just planted wafting in the breeze. The crunch of gravel under shoes makes my eyes snap open. I twist towards the sound in a panic, ready to move if I need to.

“Relax. It’s just me. Always so jumpy,” Bentley laughs at me. His chest glistens with sweat. His running pants hang low on his hips and his tee shirt is tucked into the back of his pants as he keeps coming my way. The way the sun makes the light sheen of sweat glisten is ridiculous. How does this man not have a different woman every night? I scowl at him before he nods towards the trailer door, silently asking permission to get himself a cup of coffee. I blow out a breath and shrug at him. He knows I don’t like people in my house. He also doesn’t seem to give a crap what I like or don’t like. Our friendship is all superficial pleasantries. I gave up questioning it after a month of him randomly sitting with me outside in silence. Mornings or late nights, I never know when he might appear but he doesn’t ask too many questions anymore and he almost makes me feel...safe, so I let him stick around. The trailer door slams shut loudly, making me cringe. The sound hurts my ears this early in the morning. It ruins the peace.