No One Knows Us Here(89)

He said he hated it, how sexist—how sexist and racist—these businessmen were, but he knew that this was how they would get everything they’d been working for. By playing the game. Jamila said she didn’t want to play the game. It was over. She was taking her code and striking off on her own.

Leo said she couldn’t leave. Leaving was a sign of weakness, he told her. When you love someone, you don’t leave. Ever.

“So I stayed,” Jamila said. “I stayed with Leo for two more years.”

“Because he blackmailed her,” Priya said to me. “You know what he did? He installed cameras in Jamila’s dorm room. He recorded them having sex. This sex tape, it wasn’t just a bunch of raw footage. No. He edited the thing, like a best-of collection of every sexual encounter they’d ever had.”

“Okay,” Jamila said. “She gets it.”

“He even set it to music.”

Jamila focused her attention on me. “I’m on your side, Rosemary,” she said, squeezing my hands in hers. “Whatever happened—”

“I’m not going to get away with this.” I raised my fingers to my cheek, over the bruises. The skin felt strange, like it didn’t belong to me at all. Warm and puffed with blood. “I killed him.”

“There are men out there, right outside this police station, holding up signs,” Jamila said. “You turned yourself in, what? Six, seven hours ago? And already they’re lining up out there, demanding justice for Leo. I know these guys. All those gamer bros and tech dudes who don’t like women playing a man’s game. Leo Glass is a hero to them. They want you to pay for this—”

“Maybe I should.”

Priya heaved an audible sigh. “Just let her go to jail, if that’s what she wants.”

Jamila ignored her friend and stared me down. It was impossible to break eye contact with her. “This is bigger than you, Rosemary. You have to let us help you. If you don’t, Leo Glass will go down a hero. Is that what you want?”

“No.” The word came out small, a wavering, pathetic little thing. “But I killed him. If you kill someone, you have to go to prison. It doesn’t matter why you did it. It doesn’t matter if he was following your fourteen-year-old sister around, it doesn’t matter if he knew she was starving herself and never said a thing. They’ll try me, convict me. That’s the law. Justice.” My little speech had started off quiet and gained momentum as it went along. By the time I arrived at the last word, I sat back in my chair, exhausted.

But then what? Jamila asked me. I would rot away in a cement block cell, and no one would know. No one would know what he did or why I did it.

If I went to prison, Leo would go down a hero, and my sister would go to foster care. She would wither away, down to nothing. She’d have no one. She’d be worse off than ever. Is that what I wanted, Jamila asked me. Was that the way I wanted this to go?

“Don’t let him go down a hero,” Jamila said.

“I already confessed.” This time I wasn’t resigned. The words came out high-pitched, laced with panic.

Jamila took both of my hands in hers and squeezed. “Just tell us what happened. Those bruises—he did that to you, right? And then you picked up the knife, in self-defense. You have a right to defend yourself—”

Tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t tell her the truth. The truth wouldn’t get me out of this. “I can’t—” I started.

“Why did you do it, Rosemary?” Priya shot out. “Are you saying you killed him for no reason? You must have had a reason!”

“No,” I said. This time it came out like a sob. “No.”

“Tell us why you did it, goddamn it!” Priya shouted.

“Priya,” Jamila warned, but I was already jumping out of my chair.

My hand slammed down on the table. “I did it because he fucking deserved it!” I yelled.

Jamila and Priya exchanged glances. Then Jamila nodded once, as if we had come to an agreement about something, and I guess we had.

Priya clapped her hands together, as if she had been struck with a brilliant idea. “Leo films everything, right?” she said quickly. “Puts cameras up everywhere?”

I slumped back down in my chair. “Not in his apartment.”

“If they found some security footage, though, we could prove—” Priya started.

“It would be better if they didn’t,” I said quickly. A silence descended on the room then. “It would be better if they didn’t,” I repeated.

“Don’t worry about that,” Jamila said, her voice clipped.

“He filmed you,” Priya said to Jamila. “He filmed you for years, without your knowing. He’s got to have cameras all over the place. It’s crazier to think he didn’t have cameras—”

“Either way, don’t worry about it.” A preternatural calm had settled over Jamila’s features. “If he doesn’t have them, great,” she continued. “If he does—I’ll take care of it.”

“Like hack his security system?” Priya widened her eyes comically.

Jamila turned to me, ignoring Priya. “I can fix this. All of it. You’ve just got to trust me.”

I found myself nodding. I found myself saying, “I do.”