Near the Bone(8)

“That’s where it will be if it’s anywhere up here,” William said.

Mattie eyed the slope. It was very steep, and there was a great deal of loose scree. It looked dangerous—unnecessarily dangerous, since there was no sign this meadow had been crossed recently by anything larger than a rodent. And if there were bears bedding down for the winter up there, then it would be foolish, even treacherous, to go poking around. What was William thinking?

“If there are bears asleep up there—” Mattie began, but William cut her off.

“Think I don’t know there might be? We’re not going to wake them if there are. We’re only going to look around the entrance to see if any of the prints are like the one we saw yesterday.” His fist curled, but he didn’t raise it. “Don’t try telling me my business, Martha. Now stay close and keep quiet.”

Stay close and keep quiet.

Something twanged deep inside her brain—darkness, a rough hand over her mouth. A whisper. “Stay close and keep quiet.”

William realized she wasn’t following and turned around, a muscle in his jaw twitching. Mattie hurried after him before he could speak again, or remind her in another way that he’d given her an order and she was supposed to obey it.

He strode easily up the slope while Mattie struggled behind. She rarely had to do any kind of strenuous climbing since William insisted she stay so close to the cabin. He stopped by the first entrance to check the ground. Mattie rubbed at the stitch in her side, her breath coming in hard pants.

“You’d better quiet yourself,” William warned. “You sound like a bellows.”

Mattie nodded, trying to catch her breath. “Maybe I should stay here while you go on? It’s very difficult for me, William.”

She tried not to sound like she was pleading, because that always irritated him.

“You will stay with me,” William said between his teeth. “Now keep up.”

He went on toward the next cave entrance without checking to see if she would follow. He knew she would.

Why is he acting like this, insisting I stay with him? He would normally leave me behind in a second if I impeded his progress in any way. It’s not practical for me to try and keep up.

When Mattie first came to live with William he’d been like this—insistent that she stay with him every moment—but it had been a long time since he’d behaved in this manner.

Back then he was afraid I’d sneak off if he took his eyes off me for a moment. He’s afraid of that again, and it’s because of the creature.

Mattie couldn’t piece together why she thought this, though. There was a step she was missing. She only knew that something had changed since yesterday, and that was the presence of a new animal near their home.

But she shouldn’t think on it. She shouldn’t try to solve the puzzle of William’s mood, because she never seemed to solve it right, and anyway, William always told her she should let him do the thinking.

The second cave entrance was much higher on the slope than the first, and by the time they reached it Mattie felt dizzy and a little sick to her stomach.

William crouched down, peering closely at the patches of dirt interspersed between the rocks. Mattie breathed in deeply, trying to settle her racing heart.

She caught a whiff of something rotting, the thick wet stench of decay, and felt the blood drain out of her face. Cold sweat poured down her temples as she covered her nose and turned her head away. Don’t get sick, don’t get sick, but there was nothing for it, she’d already felt nauseous and the smell undid her.

Mattie stumbled away, trying to put a few feet between her and William. He was always deeply revolted when she vomited. He seemed to think that if only she had better control of her body then she wouldn’t get sick.

“I told you to stay . . .” he started, but by then she was heaving out her breakfast behind a boulder. “Disgusting.”

When she was finished, Mattie lay her cheek against the cool rock and wished for some water. Her throat felt scorched and her mouth was filled with a sour tang.

Then William grabbed her by the back of her collar and yanked her up, dragging her back by her heels. Her coat was buttoned up high against the cold and it pressed against her throat, making her choke and gag as he pulled. He tossed her roughly to the ground on her back a few feet away.

He climbed on top of her, kneeling, his knees holding her in place on either side. He grabbed the front of her coat with both fists and yanked her up halfway, shaking her.

“Are you expecting, Martha? Are you carrying my son and trying to keep it a secret?” William’s face was red, his mouth a curled snarl, spit flying from it onto her face. “Don’t think you can hide it from me! Don’t think you can use your witchcraft to bleed him from your body again.”

“No,” Mattie said, her voice a thin little thread. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t make the words come out. “No, I wouldn’t.”

His weight pressed down on her middle and all her organs rattled in her rib cage with each shake.

“I didn’t—I wouldn’t—the smell—”

“What smell?” William said, shaking her again and making her teeth rattle.

“I can’t,” she said, clawing at his hands. “I can’t—”

Catch my breath. I can’t breathe.