N9ne: The Tale of Kevin Clearwater (King, #9)(79)



Nine nods. “Ma’am, I’m not going anywhere. I made him a promise. I’ll make sure he’s fine. I swear it.”

She clears her throat and looks to the judge. “I’ve been a lousy mother, and Mr. Clearwater is right. Love isn’t enough. Wanting to be a mother isn’t enough. I’d like to sign over my parental rights with the same provisions for visitation along with the addition of required drug tests for me. If I don’t pass even one test, Your Honor, I’d like the visitation to be removed permanently.”

“Ma’am?” the judge asks.

She looks to her hands, then back up to the judge. “I can’t do this to him no more. My boy don’t deserve it. I need to be sober, so I don’t disrupt his life, and if I can’t do that, then it’s better that I’m not in it.”

“Ma’am. I thank you for your honesty, and I will honor that request. I think you will find that being a mother means making the hardest decisions in the best interest of your child and this seems to be one of those hard decisions. If you and the Andersons will stay for a while, I’d like to talk to all of you together, privately in my chambers about how this is all going to work.” He looks to Nine. “Well, done, Mr. Clearwater. I hope to see you in my courtroom again soon. You’ve done a fine job for your young client today.”

“Thank you, Your Honor,” Nine replies.

I think he says something else, but I can’t hear it. I can’t even see him until he grabs my hand and leads me out of the courtroom because my eyes are filled with tears.

“I thought I saw you back here,” he says.

The second we are in the hallway I grab his face and press a hard kiss to his lips.

“What was that for?” he asks, wrapping his arms around me.

“That’s for what you just did for that boy in there. For those people. It’s got to be so hard, speaking on behalf of someone who can’t speak for himself. It’s…the bravest thing I’ve ever witnessed.”

“I didn’t do it for them. I did it for you,” he says.

“You remembered what I told you that night.”

He nods. “I made a promise to myself that night that I would live for you when I thought you couldn’t.”

“I was alive, but I wasn’t even living for myself.” The tears sting my eyes. “And you were doing all of this.”

“Poe, I would fucking breathe for you if I could. You know that, don’t you?” he asks, seeking the answer in my eyes.

“I know that now,” I reply, sniffling back unshed tears.

We leave court hand in hand. On the way to the truck, we pass the post office, and suddenly, I remember something. I reach into my bag for the key that Yuli gave me for box 6969.

“What’s that?” Nine asks.

“It’s the key to the post office box Yuli wanted me to check for her mail. Knowing what I know now, is it even really a mailbox or a pipe bomb waiting to take me out?”

He takes the key from my hand. “There’s only one way to find out. Stay here.” He heads into the building.

After a few seconds, I grow impatient and am heading into the building when Nine emerges.

“Thought I told you to stay out here,” he says, raising an eyebrow at my hand still poised to push open the door.

“Right now, I’m still technically outside,” I say, but it comes out more as a question.

Nine shakes his head and puts an arm around my shoulder, guiding me to a nearby bench. “This is what was inside.” He hands me two envelopes.

The first envelope doesn’t have any postage stamps on it and is simply addressed to Lenny. I tear it open, and inside is a letter from the last person on Earth I ever expected to hear from again.

Jared.



* * *



Lenny,

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone, and you’ll be wondering what the fuck is going on. I can’t tell you all of the details about what I’ve done or why because it’s too dangerous for you to know, but I couldn’t leave without offering you at least a good-bye. I don’t want you to fester on the ‘what-ifs’ or ‘whys’ of my leaving. So hopefully, this letter will give you the closure you need to move on.

Since you have always been a fan of direct, straightforward communication, I’m not going to skip around the truths I can tell you, so I’ll start by saying that there’s someone else, and it’s been going on for a long time.

I never meant to hurt you, but you’re smart, Len. One of the smartest people I’ve ever met. You know as well as I do that we were never meant to be, and maybe, if I was less of a coward, I would have been able to end things with us a long time ago, but I honestly didn’t know how you’d handle things. You’d already lost so much in your life, so each time, I’d chicken out before the words I meant to say ever left my mouth.

The truth is that don’t know how to cope with your anxiety issues, but I also realize I never took the time to really understand them. I think that says a lot. You deserve happiness, Len, someone who really understands you, who can make you better, but I think we both know that person was never going to be me.

I know you have reserves in our joint account to last you through the year while you hunt for a job, but I’ve made sure that more money is going to be added to cover all of the bills and the mortgage for two years. Or, you can sell the house and use the profits to get your GED and go back to school or use them to pursue whatever dreams you might have for your life. I don’t even know what those dreams are, and I’m sorry I never bothered to ask.

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