N9ne: The Tale of Kevin Clearwater (King, #9)(55)

“What do you recommend, Doctor Nine?” I purse my lips.

“I’ll show you. Hang on.” Nine jogs over to a plastic storage box nailed to the concrete seawall and opens it, retrieving a golf bag with a full set of golf clubs still inside.

“We’re golfing?” I ask, until I recognize the cheesy golf club cover things on the edge. Green with white pom-poms on top. “Wait, how do you have Jared’s golf clubs?”

“I broke back into the house to see if the movers left any of your clothes since you didn’t take much. They didn’t. But I stumbled upon these in the corner of the garage, and since all the pictures in his office are of him golfing I figured they were important to him, and therefore will work perfectly for our little exercise today.”

“Apparently they weren’t important enough to him to take with him,” I mutter bitterly. Too bitterly.

Nine gives me an I-told-you-so look. “Which brings me to today’s lesson, little bird.”

I wave my hands for him to continue.

“Closure,” Nine plucks a club from the bag. “You need closure.”

I cross my arms defensively over my chest. “I don’t need closure. I never even loved him. Am I pissed he left without warning and stole from me? Yes. Do I need closure on a relationship I never should have been in to begin with?” I shake my head. “Eh, not so much.”

He flips the club around in his hand and catches it with ease. “I never loved my mother, and she abandoned me at birth. I didn’t think I needed closure until the bitch died, and I got it by tossing her ashes into the Logan’s Beach Dump.”

“How did it feel?” I ask, curiously.

He grins and holds out the club for me to take. “Better than Preppy’s super smoothies.”

I’m still skeptical, and he sees it written all over my face.

“I need you to trust me on this one,” he presses, unfolding my arms and pushing the club into my hands.

I relent and close my fingers around it. “Okay, fine, but what exactly am I supposed to do with this?”

“You’re supposed to yell all of the things you would say to him if he was standing here right now and then toss his shit into the water.”

“Can’t we just go for ice cream?” I ask, sticking out my lower lip. Even thinking about dredging up the past makes me feel heavy and weighted to the ground.

“We can.” He points to the golf club in my hand. “After.”

I take a deep breath and face the water. “Jared, you were an asshole of epic proportions,” I say flatly, and drop the club into the water. I look to Nine. “We good?”

He hands me another club. “Not even close. Close your eyes. Remember how he made you feel.”

I take it from his hands and close my eyes. I remember a day, not so long ago, I was having a panic attack, and he looked at me wrapped up in blankets like I was an alien. “You never understood me,” I say, my tone a little louder. I toss the club underhand into the water. Nine’s right, it feels...better?

“Good,” he says, handing me another one. “Try again. Take a deep breath. Louder this time.”

“You called me crazy instead of trying to understand me.” I toss it into the water, further this time. Another club is already in my hands. “You made me trust you, then you took everything away from me.”

“Louder!” Another club magically appears.

My voice is so loud I can hear my own echo over the trees, yelling back at me. “You drove the stupidest fucking car that was ever made!” I’m throwing overhand now, launching the clubs like javelins into the water. One after the other. “I mean orange? Really!? That’s a fucking pumpkin, not a fucking car.”

“Good, louder!”

I take the club. “You didn’t listen when I said I didn’t want that stupid fucking house!” Toss.

“You never came to the cemetery on the anniversary of my parents’ deaths.” I’m launching them now, throwing with everything I have, ignoring the pain in my shoulder as I throw each one harder and harder.

“You told me you’d take care of me, but you never fucking meant it.” I send it sailing into the water. I’m hyper focused and surrounded by all of the feelings Anxiety has been filing away where Jared’s sudden departure is concerned.

“You never took the time to get to know me. I was a pet to you. Something you had to clean up after. Something you paraded around in public, then put in a cage at night. I’m no one’s fucking pet!” Launch.

“You never loved me, and I never loved you, but you never gave me a reason to love you!” Launch.

“You have a really tiny fucking penis!” Launch.

When no more clubs appear in my hand, a deep primal rage tears from my throat, releasing everything within. I don’t stop screaming until I feel the last of the resentment leave my body.

When I open my eyes Nine is standing in front of me, watching. Waiting. “How do you feel?”

“I feel…out of breath and relieved and like there’s this energy coursing through me, like I could run laps around the house or swim across this bay and back,” I say with a small laugh. “How did you know I needed that? How do you always seem to know what I need?”

He tips my chin up, rubbing his thumb over my jaw. “Because, I know firsthand that sometimes you gotta burn shit to the ground to appreciate the beauty in the ashes.”