My Not So Perfect Life(21)

“Well, how do they make it, then?” Flora challenges her. “How do they get the milk out of the almonds? Like…milk them? Squeeze them?”



“That’s almond oil,” volunteers Mark.

“Well, what do they do, then?”

For a moment Rosa looks caught out—then she snaps, “I don’t know! And we’re not talking about almond milk; we’re talking about cattle milk. Cow milk. Whatever.”

Enough sitting back. I have to get into this conversation.

“Actually…” I begin, raising my hand. “I do know a bit about—”

“So, how’s it going?” Demeter cuts me off as she sweeps back into the room, holding a sheaf of papers.

“Hopeless!” replies Rosa. “This is all we’ve got.” She gestures at smelly and scary.

“We don’t know anything about cows,” says Flora bluntly. “Or the country.”

“Or almonds,” puts in Mark.

“OK, people.” Demeter takes charge in her usual way. She dumps the papers on the table and grabs a marker pen. “Thankfully, I know about the country, unlike all you poor urban creatures.”

“Really?” Flora looks taken aback, and I sit up. I’m looking at Demeter with a new eye. She knows about the country?

“Absolutely. I go to Babington House at least four times a year, so I do have an inside track on this.” She eyes us all as though daring us to disagree. “And the truth is, the country is very cool. It’s absolutely the new town.” Demeter scribbles out smelly and scary and begins writing. “These are our watchwords: Organic. Authentic. Artisan. Values. Honest. Mother Earth. The look we want is…” She considers for a moment. “Brown recycled paper. Organic hemp. Twine. Handmade. Rustic but fresh. And a story.” She holds up one of the brochures. “So we don’t just say, ‘This yogurt comes from a cow.’?” She taps the photo. “We say, ‘This yogurt comes from an English Longhorn named Molly.’ We run a competition: ‘Bring your children to milk Molly.’?”



I’m biting my lip. That cow in the photo isn’t an English Longhorn; it’s a Guernsey. But I’m not sure correcting Demeter on cow breeds in public is a very bright idea.

“That’s good!” says Rosa. “I didn’t realize you were so into the country, Demeter.”

“The name Demeter actually means ‘goddess of the harvest,’?” Demeter replies, looking smug. “There’s a very rural, down-to-earth side to me. I mean, I always shop in farmers’ markets when I can.”

“Oh, I love farmers’ markets,” chimes in Flora. “Like those eggs you get in straw? So cute.”

“Exactly! Straw.” Demeter nods and writes down straw.

“OK, I can see this now,” says Mark, nodding and scribbling on his design pad. “All-natural. This yogurt isn’t mass-produced, it’s crafted.”

“Exactly. Crafted. Very good.” Demeter scribbles crafted on the board.

“So…” He pauses. “A wooden yogurt pot, maybe?”

“Oh my God!” exclaims Flora. “That is genius. Wooden yogurt pots! You could collect them and like…put stuff in them! Like pencils, makeup…”

“Very expensive,” says Demeter thoughtfully. “But if we turned this into an ultra-ultra high-end brand…” She taps the marker on her hand thoughtfully.

“Prestige pricing,” says Rosa, nodding.

I know about prestige pricing—it’s where you charge more money and consumers think, Ooh, that must be good, and buy a whole heap more.



“I think people would pay a lot of money for a wooden pot with artisan yogurt in it,” says Mark seriously. “And the name of the cow printed on the pot.”

“We’ll brainstorm names,” agrees Rosa. “The cow’s name is crucial. It’s everything, in fact.”

“Daisy,” suggests Flora.

“Not Daisy,” counters Liz firmly.

“Anything else?” Demeter addresses the table, and I raise a hand. I fought to get into this meeting; I have to contribute.

“You could talk about whether they look after their cows properly?” I volunteer. “I mean, they’re called ‘Contented Cow Yogurt,’ so they must be happy cows or whatever? And we could use this idea in the image?”

“Yes!” Demeter seizes on this. “Animal welfare, huge. Happy animals, huge.” She writes happy shiny cows on the board and underlines it. “Well done.” She gives me a nod, and I feel myself blossom. I contributed something in the meeting! OK, it was just a small something—but it’s a start.

—

After the meeting ends, I send a batch of survey results to Demeter. Then she sends back a message saying: Actually, could she have them all in a different format? Which on the one hand is a pain. But on the other hand means that at least I don’t sit there all morning doing nothing but getting nervous about my date-or-whatever-it-is. I’m occupied; I’m focused; I’m barely even thinking about lunchtime….

OK, full disclosure: This is a lie. I’m totally getting nervous. How could I not? This is Alex Astalis. He’s huge! As I now realize, having googled him for two solid hours last night.