My Not So Perfect Life(119)

I can’t help laughing. “Demeter, no one could be a second you.”

“I’m going to train you up.” She shoots me a glinting look. “Then you can start going to a few industry events on my behalf. And I’ll stay at home with Coco and Hal.”

“Sounds good.” I try to conceal my totally uncool excitement. Industry events!

“I think I need a bit of space in my life for…other stuff,” says Demeter. “Family. My children.”

I wander over to her pinboard and gaze at the familiar collage of Demeter images. Career success, family success, general coolness…Then I notice a new set of photos, which make me blink. It’s the whole family at Ansters Farm. There’s Demeter and James by their yurt, holding champagne glasses as bunting flutters behind them in the breeze. There’s Coco sitting on a hay bale, looking like a catalog ad with her endless tanned legs. There’s Hal, lolling against a gate, grinning at a curious cow. You’d look at those pictures and you’d think: Well, there’s a family with not a care in the world.

At least, other people might think that. But not me. Not anymore.

“Hey.” A voice at the door makes us both turn, and it’s Alex, beaming at me. “I’ve been pacing the floor,” he complains to Demeter. “You could have told me the news. Well done, Katie. Welcome back to Cooper Clemmow.”

“Thanks! Oh God.” I have a sudden thought. “I’ll have to tell Broth I can’t take their job.”

“In your face, Broth,” says Alex emphatically, making me laugh again. “Don’t worry,” he adds, as he sees my guilty expression. “Just think, some other lucky person will get that job now. It’s a win–win.”



I can’t help picturing some desperate job-seeking person like me, sitting on their bed with their hammock strung above, feeling desolate…then getting a call and hearing the wonderful news. Alex is right: It’s a win–win.

“So.” He glances meaningfully at Demeter. “Give us a minute?”

“This is my office,” says Demeter, rolling her eyes. “One minute.” She heads past him, through the door. Alex closes it, and we’re alone.

“Good day.” His eyes spark at me.

“Really good day.”

“Well, you deserve it, Katie Brenner. Of all people. Come here.”

He envelops me in a hug. Within about ten seconds we’re kissing, and I’m lost. I’m jelly.

No. I cannot be jelly in the office.

“Stop!” I pull away, my voice blurry. “I’ll get fired before I begin!”

“You’re delicious, you know that?” He strokes my hair.

“So are you.”

His hand is touching mine, playing with my fingers, and I can’t stop smiling up at him, and I think I’ve never felt as blissful as I do right now.

“You’ve done a lot for me, Katie,” Alex says, breaking the quiet. “Do you know that?”

“Same goes!”

“No.” He shakes his head. “You don’t understand. You got to me. You made me think about stuff.”



“Oh, right. What stuff?”

“What you have in Somerset. Your setup. Your moss.”

“My moss?” I give a little laugh.

“Biddy. Your dad. The farm.” He spreads his arms. “Moss, moss, moss. I want moss.” As he looks at me, I realize he’s not joking. He’s deadly serious. “I had the shittiest upbringing for moss.” A tiny spasm runs across his face, as though he’s trying to dodge the memory. “But it’s not too late, is it?”

“No, of course it isn’t. You just have to…” I pause, feeling as if I’m treading on eggshells. “Decide to stay. To commit. To reach out to people and be with them and…well…let them turn into your moss.”

There’s silence. Alex is gazing at my face, his brow furrowed, as though he’s trying to learn something very difficult and impenetrable from me.

“You’re right,” he says abruptly. “I run. I always fucking run. Well, I’m not running anymore. I want stability. I want love,” he adds, and I feel a tiny frisson as he says the word. “You know? Long-term proper love. I mean, that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it?”

“Well, I think so.” I feel a kind of spreading joy inside me. “I think you’ll be happy that way. And so…” I hesitate. “So will the people you love.”

There’s a taut silence between us. His dark eyes are still searching my face; he’s never seemed so intense.

“I agree,” he says softly. “I have a whole new outlook. I’m committing. This is it.” He bangs his fist in the other hand as though inspired. “I’m going to New York.”

What?



Did I hear that right?

“I’m going to find my dad,” he says with sudden passion. “Because I’ve ignored him. I’ve hated him. And that’s all wrong. Isn’t it? I mean, we’re in the same field. Maybe we should try working together.”

“You’re going to live in New York?” I’m so crestfallen, my voice breaks.

“Not sure yet. All I know is, I want the same relationship as you have with your dad. Maybe we are both tricksy sods, but shouldn’t we at least try?”