My Not So Perfect Life(110)

This is such an inane question, I think even Hannah realizes it, and she blushes.

“I’ll get my stuff,” I say, letting her off the hook. “Nice to see you.”

As I head into Demeter’s office, I check back, and Hannah is already engrossed in her work again. She’s obviously not remotely curious about what I’m up to, and neither is Jon, who’s sitting way over in the corner. I never really got to know him.

Trying to look natural, I head to the cupboard. This should take thirty seconds, tops. Pile the email printouts into a bag, don’t bother checking them out, just get them and go. I unfold the big laundry bag I brought and place it on the floor. I take out Demeter’s key ring, quietly unlock the door, and swing it open, ready to scoop piles of paper out.

The cupboard’s empty.

For a moment I can’t actually compute what I’m seeing. I had such a strong vision of what I was going to find: piles and piles of messy printouts, in a typical Demeter-ish shambles. Not this.



I shut the cupboard door and open it again, as though I might be able to perform a magic spell. But it’s still clean and white and empty. Then I glance around the rest of Demeter’s office with a looming feeling of dread.

It’s tidy. It’s really tidy. There aren’t any piles of anything, anywhere. What’s happened?

I lean my head out of the door and give Hannah an easy smile. “It’s really tidy in here! What’s happened?”

“Oh, that was Sarah,” says Hannah, still focused on her screen. “You know what she’s like. Demeter went on holiday, so she was like, ‘At last! I can clear out her office!’?”

“But the cupboard’s empty.” I try to say the words calmly. “That’s where I left my stuff, but it’s all gone.” I’m counting on Hannah not being curious enough to question why I left my stuff in Demeter’s cupboard and, sure enough, she doesn’t.

“Oh.” She pulls a face and shrugs. “Sorry. No idea.”

“So, does Sarah have a key to the cupboard?”

“Er…yes,” says Hannah vaguely. “She must do, because I saw her sorting it out yesterday. She chucked out a huge load of papers.” Hannah looks up and I see her brain finally kicking in. “Oh God. Was that your stuff?”

I stare back dumbly. A huge load of papers. Chucked away. All the emails, all the evidence, gone. My throat is tight; I’m not sure I can breathe. What am I going to tell Demeter?

“Look, I’ll tell Sarah you were here and maybe she can sort it out.”

“It’s OK,” I say hastily. “Don’t bother Sarah.”

“It’s no bother. Or I could speak to Demeter….” Hannah lowers her voice. “Actually, there’s a rumor that Demeter’s getting the chop.”



“Wow.” Somehow I’m managing to speak. “Well, I’ll just have another quick search in Demeter’s office, just in case….”

But after ten minutes, I know. There’s nothing here. No physical scraps of anything. Sarah must have been through it like a whirlwind.

I can’t stay here forever. I have to leave; I have to think….My chest feels compressed by panic as I walk out, down the stairs, out into the open air. A flashing from my phone catches my eye, and I see it’s a new text from Demeter:

How r u getting on? x

I emit a tiny whimper. My legs are moving on autopilot. I’m her only hope right now. I can’t tell her the plan is wrecked. I have to come up with something else. Go to the recycling bin and search? But it all gets taken away on Tuesday night. Get into Sarah’s computer and find some evidence there? But how can I do that in front of Hannah? And how would I guess her password?

Come on, Katie. Think. Think…

And then it hits me. The Blue Bear. Sarah will be there right now. She might say something off guard. If I can just get her to chat, if I can just get her to relax and trust me…

Gathering up all my resolve, I take out my phone and send a text to Demeter:

Going a bit off-piste. x

Not that I have ever skied in my life—how could I afford to ski?—but she’ll get the reference.



Immediately she sends back a reply:

What???

But I thrust my phone away and ignore it. I can’t get into conversation now. I have to concentrate.

—

As I enter the beery, noisy atmosphere of the Blue Bear, I see Rosa and Sarah standing at the bar, and my stomach swoops with nerves.

“Cat?” Sarah notices me at once. “Cat! Oh my God!”

After all my conversations with Demeter, I’d started to imagine Sarah almost as a demon. But of course she’s not. She’s the same pretty Sarah, red hair tied back, blue eyes neatly lined, and white teeth flashing in a broad smile.

“Look, Rosa, it’s Cat!” she’s saying. She holds out her arms wide and so does Rosa, and the next minute we’re all hugging like the oldest of friends.

“How are you?” Sarah keeps saying. “We’ve missed you!”

I feel a bit overwhelmed at their welcome. I thought everyone would have forgotten about me. But here they are, genuinely interested in me and my life, and it’s…well. It’s nice.

Even though Cat feels like an alien word now.