My Maddie (Hades Hangmen #8)(88)

I didn’t want her to see me. I didn’t want her, especially her, to see the fucking mess I’d become.

I laughed in her face, needing to chase her away. Needing her to get the fuck out of my poisoned grip and to run far, far away. Far fucking away from all this shit, to a better life. One where she didn’t have to hide indoors. One where she didn’t have to speak to pieces of shit like me. “I fucked that slut,” I told her and watched her guarded gaze shatter from the blow. My stomach twisted at the sight, but I kept on going. “I fucked her that night.” I shrugged. “I’ve fucked a lot more since.” I leaned forward. “Is that what you see, Saff? Is that what you fucking see in me?”

I sat back in my chair, praying like fuck that she’d just leave. The numbness was wearing off. I needed it to stay. Saffie stayed silent for so long, I thought she’d had enough, but then, “I see someone who is lost, someone who is hurting. You are in incredible pain.” My breath fucking hitched. Saffie placed her feet on the ground and stood. I looked at her, thinking that ‘angel’ was the perfect description of her. “I see it in you, because I have it in me.”

“I’m nothing like you,” I argued. “Nothing at all.” I spread my arms wide. “I’m evil, Saffie. I kill people. I’m a motherfucking Cade. I have the devil’s fire running through my blood. You’re practically a mute who couldn’t even hack a few days of school, acting like a fucking martyr to try and save me. You’re wasting your time. We are nothing fucking alike. And I don’t need saving.”

“We all need saving, Asher. We simply must first be ready to embrace it. Salvation awaits us all.”

“Really? You’re saved, Saffie? You’re a fucking disaster. Fix yourself before you put your unwanted attention toward me.”

I fought back the urge to drop to my fucking knees and beg her forgiveness. I was intentionally hurting a fucking angel. I could see it on her face. I’d hurt one of the only people in the world who seemed to care. But I stayed where I was. I wouldn’t drag her down with me. She was meant to stand high in the sky, not down in the dirt with me.

Saffie’s eyes dropped to the ground, and then they slowly lifted. She walked carefully toward me, each step looking like she was floating on a fucking cloud. I saw her hand lift. It was trembling as it began to close in on my face. I held my fucking breath, waiting for the expected slap. I deserved it. Instead, her palm kissed my cheek and I fucking sank into her warmth. Fuck the drugs in my veins. The feel of her touch took every bit of the heroin away and replaced it with light.

Lifting my eyes, I met her dark gaze. “Do not mistake my quietness for weakness. I am stronger than what people believe.” I swallowed hard, praying she never moved her hand away from me ever again. Her eyes traced the flame tattoos that raced up my arms. Looking at me once more, she said, “I was forged in the fire, Asher. I was born to withstand the flames.” With that, Saffie’s hand slipped from my cheek and she walked back into her cabin, not once looking back as the door shut behind her.

I curled my hands into fists, disgusted with myself for the shit I said to her. Then I pressed my hand against my cheek. Over the same spot Saffie had left her warmth, her addictive scent… her fucking softness seared on my skin. A softness I craved, craved more than the drugs in my system. Rage ate at my heart because I couldn’t have her. I had never wanted anyone like I’d wanted her. But she was broken. Way too broken to attach herself to a sinner like me, someone who was destined for hell. She was an angel sent down to earth, so sinners like me could worship her goodness.

I gripped my hair and pulled on the stands, relishing the fucking pain. I’d said it before, and I would say it again: the world was fucked, and everything in it was shit… I took a deep breath and I saw Saffie’s brown eyes in my mind, and the kindness that lived inside them, despite the words I’d used to hurt her. I see you, she’d said. With three words she had fucking obliterated my world. The one person I refused to ever let in, saw through me, like a telescope into my mangled soul. I see you… But someone as perfect as her would decay and rot in my world. She would lose the light that still beamed from her pure heart.

The world was fucked and everything in it was shit… except her.

Everything was ruined… except her.





Epilogue


Flame



“We got the good stuff behind the bar, Ash?” Viking asked, leaning over the new bar to my brother.

“All stocked,” he said. “They’re on their way, Flame. Zane just picked them up.”

I looked across the room. Mae and Lilah were with their kids, Styx and Ky beside them. Maddie was coming with Phebe and AK. Like fucking months ago, our brothers were gathering to celebrate Beatrix. I searched the room, making sure I saw no flames. No one would be burning this fucking place down today. Solomon, Samson, and Beau were patrolling the compound. My skin heated just thinking about some fuckers out there being after Maddie and her sisters. There had been fucking nothing for weeks. No threats. Fuck all. Didn’t mean it wasn’t coming. They wouldn’t get to Maddie or Beatrix. Not unless they wanted my fucking blade in their eyes.

The cabins had all been built, scattered around the compound. All the homes would be watched. Styx got some fucking expensive ass security place to install cameras everywhere. There wasn’t one part of the compound that wasn’t being watched or recorded. We’d get the fuckers. They didn’t stand a fucking chance against us. Whoever the fuck they were.