My Favorite Souvenir(72)

I took a deep breath. “I think we need a real break, Brady.”

He laughed maniacally. “A break? Isn’t that what we’re on now? You mean there’s something even less than not being able to kiss you?”

I shook my head. “We need a clean break, Brady. One where we don’t see each other for a while. Don’t have any contact.”

“Great. So you want me to fuck other people?”

It felt like someone sliced into my heart. “If that’s what you need to do.”

Brady rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. “It was just a kiss. Just a damn birthday kiss.”

“I’m sorry, Brady.”

“Whatever.” He shrugged, sounding defeated. “Go, if that’s what you really want.”

While I hated to leave on such a sour note, I knew it was time to get out of here. I’d never been nervous around Brady, but for a split second there, when he didn’t heed my nudge, it made me realize how much bigger and stronger he was. And I didn’t like that feeling at all. He was upset. I knew that. But it was time to go.

Brady stood and watched while I went to the closet and grabbed my coat. Thinking it was best to not drag things out, I walked to the front door without trying to talk to him further. I never looked back as I opened the door and walked out. Whatever the future was for Brady and me, it was not in the past, and that’s where we seemed to be stuck. It was time I gave myself permission to let go, decide what I wanted for myself, and see where life took me.

? ? ?

I walked for over an hour.

It was cold out, but somehow I didn’t feel it. Once I stepped out of Brady’s building, I turned right and just walked and walked and walked. After a while I didn’t have even a vague idea where I was. But I wasn’t in Brady’s apartment anymore, and at the moment, that felt right.

Maybe I had been giving Brady mixed signals. I couldn’t be sure. Every time I played back what had transpired tonight in my head, the only thing crystal clear was the memory of my heart racing as I shoved Brady off of me. Everything else was a blur. So rather than continue to focus on what had happened, I decided to concentrate on what would come next.

Before, even though I might not have been dating Brady anymore, that felt more like a technicality. Somehow I’d still been tethered to him in a way that spending time with anyone else made me feel disloyal. But now, that tether had been severed. It was truly the first time in four years that I was free.

Of course, that didn’t mean my feelings for Brady disappeared, because they didn’t. Nor did it mean I wanted to jump into something else. Besides, whatever was going on between Matteo and me, I knew it couldn’t happen while I was running away from Brady. Matteo was a man who deserved to have a woman running toward him because she wanted to—not because she needed to get away from something else.

That being said, Felicity had also been right. I needed to spend some time with Matteo. Not on an adventure, but just living our ordinary lives, to see if that changed the way I thought I felt about him. And now that the shackles were off, maybe I could do that. I’d never really been with him without Brady being at the forefront of my mind.

I turned right at some corner, and my cell phone buzzed from my purse. Taking it out, I saw a New York City number, but one I didn’t recognize. I swiped to answer anyway.

“Hello?”

“Are you okay?”

“Matteo?”

“Yeah. I’m calling from the front desk at the hotel. I didn’t want my cell phone number to flash on your phone and Brady to see it. But it’s late. You’d said you’d probably be leaving by about ten, and I was getting worried about you.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I should have called. I’m fine. I just went for a walk.”

“A walk? By yourself?”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “I needed to clear my head.”

I stopped walking for the first time and looked around. But nothing looked familiar, and I couldn’t make out the street sign up ahead from this far away. “I’m not sure where I am.”

“I did that the other day. I walked out of my hotel and just kept going. I had no idea where I was, and I didn’t really care. But it’s getting late now. So I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea for you to be walking around the city aimlessly while in a fog thinking.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s almost eleven thirty.”

Wow. I’d gotten to Brady’s apartment at seven thirty. Dinner couldn’t have been more than two hours. I would’ve guessed I’d been walking for about a half hour, but apparently it was more like two.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“Are you okay, Hazel? Did something happen that made you take the long walk?”

“No. Well, yes. No… I mean, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“Where are you? I’ll come to wherever you are, and we can talk about what’s on your mind.”

“It’s okay. I can just grab an Uber to you. At least if I call for a car it will know where I am.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. But do you think we could talk in your room? I know you were trying to avoid that, but I really just want to take off my shoes and sit with you for a while.”