My Big Fat Fake Wedding(99)

I know Kaede’s trying to keep things light, trying to keep my spirits up, but it’s not working very well. I’m not going to jump on his ass over it. He’s still being professional.

I’m just not in the mood.

Reaching up, I start to run my hand over my stubble when I wince and pull back, both my bruised face and my wrist reminding me of yesterday’s debacle. I guess I wasn’t quite prepared for how hard Colin Radcliffe’s skull could be.

The cut over my eye hurts more, simply because of how I got it. I don’t think Violet even realizes that she’s the one who sliced me open as I gathered her in my arms, forcing her away from Papa so the EMTs could help him. The pain in her eyes and the anguish in her cry hurt more than her ring ripping my skin, and I refused the doctor’s desire to stitch it closed. I want it to scar, want the reminder of the day that started with such happiness and that, because of my misguided actions, ended so terribly.

“Have you heard from Abi?” I ask Kaede. After Violet threw me out, the staff said it’d be better if I didn’t return, that it’d cause the family stress. But Abi sent a text late last night that she was with Violet, supporting her because her family is treating her like a pariah. It’d pained me so much to know that Vi’s hurting, but I can’t do anything to help other than stay away. I have to be thankful that Abi is there, though.

“Nothing new,” Kaede says, his voice reflective of the situation. “Is there anything you’d like me to do?”

“Just . . . just . . .” I start before my mind just blanks out. There’s nothing left, nothing inside me. I just don’t care.

“I can think of something you can do, Kaede,” Courtney says, coming in. “Start drafting up an apology letter for Ross.”

“Apology letter?” I ask, shaking myself back to the situation at hand. “Who else wants an apology? I feel like all I’ve done is say ‘I’m sorry.’”

“Actually, Dad wants another apology, preferably a real one and not just lip service this time, but that’s a totally different matter,” Courtney says, her voice still heavy with the hurt she obviously feels over this whole matter. “We all want one. But this is a corporate one, and it’s my idea to save your undeserving ass.”

“Undeserving . . .”

“Yes, undeserving!” Courtney fumes at my murmured word. “Dammit, Ross, you’d have been better off keeping on doing what you were doing before. Ross Andrews, the manwhore of the city.” She sneers the words, and though we all know they’re not true, it is the foundation of what the media was publishing all too often. “At least then, we could write it off as immature ways to let loose from the stresses of your corporate responsibilities. This is a lot fucking worse. There are even people saying Dad was complicit in this scam to make it look like you were finally going to follow corporate policies instead of flitting about with a pastor’s wife. Who knows where this is headed if we don’t get out in front of it!”

“The company will survive,” I murmur, not really caring. All I can focus on is Violet and Stefano and what I’ve done to them. Compared to that, dollar signs mean nothing.

Courtney crosses her arms, looking at me carefully before hooking her thumb at Kaede, who pulls a fade, closing the door behind him. Courtney sits down and sighs. “On a more personal note, Colin Radcliffe’s lawyer called. I handled it, but the long and short of it is, he’s going to sue you. And his dad’s pressuring the cops to arrest you for assault because you threw the first punch.”

“Don’t care.”

Courtney rubs at her forehead, staring at me, but I’m done with this conversation. “I can see that. Actually, I wish Dad could see what I see right now. Maybe then he wouldn’t be verging on an explosion.” She mimes his head blowing up from his temples. “I know you’ve been through this with Mom and Dad, but can you tell me what the hell you were thinking?”

I bury my head in my hands, my elbows on my desk. “Court, it was supposed to be for convenience. Dad was putting all of this pressure on me to settle down, and for some stupid reason, I thought a steady plus-one would be enough to get him off my back. But Violet needed more, for Papa. She needed the whole fairy tale wedding thing. It was his dying wish to walk her down the aisle and see her happily married.” A humorless huff escapes. “Fucked that up, didn’t I?”

Courtney’s mouth falls open, her eyes scanning me, analyzing me. I can’t take any more. I spin in my chair, giving her my back and facing the wall of windows. Her voice is soft, gentle as she asks, “When did it become real to you, Ross?”

I can hear that she’s not the corporate up and comer right now but just my little sister who’s worried about me. I don’t bother trying to deny it because I would shout it from mountaintops if I thought it would help anything. “I don’t know,” I tell her honestly, looking over my shoulder at her. “Too late to prevent what happened, I guess.”

She nods. “You guess right. The important thing now is, what are you going to do? Does Violet know?” Her eyes widen. “Does she feel the same way you do?” She brings up so many good questions, ones I have no answers to.

I turn back to the windows, staring over the city but not seeing anything, my vision blurred by images, memories of Violet. “I don’t know what to do. Violet doesn’t know how I feel. I was going to tell her, but it seemed like too much of a risk before the wedding. I wanted to give her what she wanted and thought we’d have time afterward. I thought I’d have time to make her love me too.”