My Big Fat Fake Wedding(81)

I raise one eyebrow and she relents. “Fine. Picture this . . . you and Kaede in tuxedos of the deepest, darkest green with white shirts and black shoes. Your choice of matte or patent,” she says, as if that’s a big concession on her part. “Your ties will be a floral pattern on a peach background. My dress is peach chiffon and Archie’s suit is peach too. We told Vi that he was wearing a black shirt under his suit, but instead, he’s going to wear one that’s the same dark green as your tuxedos. The archway over the ceremony space will be full of lush greenery, blushy peach roses, and white baby’s breath. It’ll be elegant and lavish but simple because the rich colors will be so enchanting.”

I have basically no idea what Abi just said, but she’s excited about it. “You’re sure Violet wants this? It’s not your dream wedding, it’s hers?” Abi nods but looks insulted that I even asked.

Kaede holds up his phone. “I texted Archie and he said he’s in. Apparently, this little scheme is both his and Abi’s this time.” He lowers his voice so only I can hear. “She’s branching out, man. Getting minions. We should take her head while she’s still weak, before she takes over the world. Muahaha.”

He’s probably right. But I can’t kill my sister until after the wedding, even if she is turning into a brilliantly evil ‘villain’. For now, we need her, and if green tuxedos are what Vi would want, then green tuxedoes, it is.

“Okay, I guess we’re in,” I answer for both Kaede and myself.

Mason nods, gesturing to the platform for me to stand for measurements. “If you would, Ross.”

I step up and Mason gets to work, efficient and graceful as he stretches his tape measure from my waist to the floor, talking the whole time in reassuring tones about having the custom pieces completed in plenty of time for a customer like me. Pretty sure it’s not me, per se, but rather my last name and the media coverage his work is going to get, but whatever makes it happen is fine by me.

“Oh, just one more thing,” Abi says, clicking away on her phone. She doesn’t even glance up as she drops a bomb. “Don’t tell Violet. It’s a surprise.”

I chuckle, and Mason ‘accidentally’ sticks me with a pin. “Be still, please.”

“Abi, I can’t not tell her. It’s our wedding, for fuck’s sake.”

“This is a good surprise, Ross. She told me I had free reign with the flowers, and everything else is based on those. Don’t stress her out any more than she already is. Do you know she still doesn’t have a dress? The wedding is in five days!” Her voice pitches a little high at the end, scaring all three of the men in the room.

Kaede begs me with his eyes to go along and save us from the impending explosion of a pissed-off Abigail Andrews.

I’m not sure about this, but Abi does have a point. Violet has so much on her plate, and it’s not like the color of my tuxedo is some major thing. All eyes are going to be on her, the beautiful bride. I’ll just show up and look pretty, as Abi said.

“Okay, we won’t tell Violet.”

Abi nods and makes a few clicks on her phone.

“Next order of business, your groomsmen.”

I look to Kaede, who holds his hands wide again, his eyes telling me he’s innocent of whatever shit Abi is about to say he did. ‘Fraidy cat asshole, scared of my sister. “What about him?”

“He’s fine. I mean that Violet has both me and Archie standing up, and you only have Kaede. No offense, but you need more. Who else do you want to stand with you so that it’s even?”

I quickly flip through college buddies and work friends in my head. I even consider that once upon a time, I’d dreamed of having my dad stand up with me when I finally got married. That’s definitely not happening.

I shrug. “I don’t know. It’s pretty last-minute to hit up some guy from college, right?” I hold my hand up to my ear, mimicking a phone. “Hey, buddy, haven’t seen you in years. Wanna be a groomsman?”

Mason snorts. “You’d be surprised. I’ve heard worse.”

Abi smiles that grin that tells me she’s already worked out the solution to this too and was just baby stepping me to it. “Who?”

“Courtney! It’s perfect! Me and Archie on one side and Kaede and Courtney on the other. It’ll look balanced, and really, she’s your next best friend . . . after Kaede, me, and Violet, of course.”

I twist my lips, “Is that weird to have my sister as a groomsman? I mean, groomswoman? I mean, groomsperson?” I shake my head, not knowing the proper term but figuring it doesn’t matter right now.

“Uh, no weirder than the rest of this circus,” Abi answers cryptically. But when she lifts her chin to the window of the shop, my gut drops.

Culture vultures.

Or at least that’s what my mom has always called them in the privacy of our home. She wouldn’t dare say something so crude in public.

There’s a small group of paparazzi outside on the sidewalk, their cameras shoved up against the glass as they try to get a shot of me. I’ve never understood this. I’m no one important, so why can’t they just leave me alone?

Kaede gets up to chase them away, but it’s a pointless and futile mission. They’ll just circle around the block and be right back, ready to follow us to our cars with flashbulbs going off so quickly that they could induce a seizure.