Music of the Heart (Runaway Train, #1)(67)

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I was a bastard—a complete and total douchebag for bailing on Abby. I realized that the moment I let the suite door close behind me. Then the feeling persisted as I entered my room and slipped out of my clothes. Butt ass naked, I fell into bed and buried my face in the pillow.

The first reason I left was because Jude appearing freaked the hell out of me. I didn’t know how much he had seen, and I didn’t want Bray kicking my ass for scarring his kid because Abby was taking care of my needs and getting me off. But then I came to realize that the main reason I had bailed was because I was scared.

Yeah, I didn’t know how to deal with all I was feeling for Abby. I knew I loved her at the studio and then when I meshed that with the sexual part, I was f*cking floored and obliterated emotionally. So I did the only thing scared men do.

I ran.

And I felt like an even bigger jackass, especially when I got her questioning texts. I mean, I should have texted her right back and lied by claiming I was fine or that I was tired. But no, I was an even bigger * because not only did I not reply, but I turned my f*cking phone off because I didn’t know what the hell to say to her.

And although I was mentally and physically exhausted, sleep evaded me. At two am, I pulled my ass out of the bed and started pacing around the room. Out-of-control thoughts whirled through my mind so fast I staggered on my feet.

There was no more denial. I was truly head over f*cking heels in love with Abby.

But deep down, I knew the root of my problem with Abby. I was in love with a girl who was way too good for me. Abby had such a giving heart and a pure, inner beauty that I didn’t deserve to taint or destroy. We’d only known each other for three weeks, and I’d already hurt her too many times with my stupidity. Knowing me, I would continue hurting her over and over again. So maybe I should walk away from her. Wouldn’t it be better for her in the long run? I could never give her all she deserved. She wanted the fairy tale of a happily-ever-after with a husband and kids, and I didn’t know shit about any of that.

Raking my hand through my hair, I thought about going to her in the morning and telling her that whatever we had was over. But just the image of walking away from her caused a searing pain to radiate through my chest, and I had to fight to breathe.

No, I couldn’t walk away from her, not when I loved her. I’d never loved a girl as much, and I couldn’t imagine ever loving anyone more. I wanted to see where this crazy thing we had started took us. I wanted to claim her as my own in every possible way. Hell, when it got down to it, I could almost envision putting a fat, shiny diamond on her finger.

And then the thought hit me that maybe I’d already screwed up too much and lost her. That’s when the walls began to close in around me. I threw on my clothes and headed out the door. Staring at the suite door across from me, I lightly wrapped on the door. “Abby?” I called.

I knew she probably couldn’t hear me if she was in the bedroom with the kids, but I was silently hoping that maybe Melody had woken up for a bottle or some shit that babies did. I banged a little louder, but there was still no response. Taking my phone from my pocket, I powered it on. I then sent a barrage of text messages telling her how sorry I was and what a dick I’d been.

My final text read Angel: I’m right outside the door ready to beg and plead for your forgiveness. If it takes getting down on my knees in a f*cking hotel hallway, I will. That’s how sorry I am and how much you mean to me.

Every single one remained unread and unanswered.

Huffing with agitation, I headed down the hall to the elevators. I needed some time to clear my head, and there was no better place than the streets of my second home to do it. I walked a couple of blocks, taking in the sights and sounds. Atlanta was no New York when it came to never sleeping or its crowds, so I didn’t have to worry about running into a lot of people who might recognize me.

But no matter how far I walked, peace of mind never came. Finally when I backtracked to the hotel, it was almost five. I knew the moment it wasn’t an ungodly hour, I would go to Abby and beg her forgiveness.

I collapsed onto the bed and made the mistake of checking my phone. Every single one of my texts had been read, but there was no response. Tears stung my eyes, causing me to feel like an absolute and total *. After exhausting myself with crying, I fell into a restless sleep, and when the first rays of amber sunlight began streaking through the blinds, I woke up.

Checking my phone, I saw there was still no response from Abby. With a ragged sigh, I rose out of bed. While I grabbed a quick shower, I rehearsed in my mind exactly what I was going to say to Abby. I knew some epic groveling was going to be in order for what I had done, and since my mouth usually ruined most moments between us, I wanted to be prepared. I’d just climbed out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist when I heard a knock at the door.

My heart surged at the thought that my angel had come to me. I threw open the door. “Angel, I—”

But it wasn’t Abby. Instead, Bree stood there with a cat-like smile spread across her lips. “Hey baby!”

“What are you doing here?” I demanded.

A funny look flickered across her face. “I’m here for you of course. Don’t I always come along to the shows to take care of my man’s needs?” Her eyes trailed down my half naked frame. “Damn, you’re looking good enough to eat this morning.”