Music of the Heart (Runaway Train, #1)(30)

“Nowhere. We just need to hurry the f*ck up and eat so we can get back on the road.”

Bray gave me a funny look before leaving me in the bedroom. Once I slid on my jeans and threw on a clean shirt, I didn’t go back out into the living room until I was sure we were about to be parked.

When the bus finally shuddered to a stop, I couldn’t get off of it fast enough. I didn’t say anything to Abby or the guys. I couldn’t take being with Abby one more minute. Her very presence had sent tiny fissures through my carefully constructed wall of emotions. She was getting to me too fast and too soon. No woman but my mother had ever seen through to the real me, and I wasn’t about to let Abby in.

So I hauled ass down the bus steps and started powerwalking across the parking lot.

“Jake?” Brayden called.

“He must have to piss or something,” Rhys replied.

Ignoring them, I threw open the diner door and craned my neck for the bathroom. Once inside, I splashed water on my face and tried to get my bearings. An image flashed before my eyes—one that had an almost identical purity as Abby’s. Her name was Stephanie, and she had been my first and only love. I’d been eighteen when I first met her—she apprenticed under my mother at the dance studio. We dated for two years before I made the decision to drop out of college and go on the road with the guys. When I couldn’t give her the commitment she needed, she didn’t just break up with me—she tore my heart to shreds.

Of course, the songs I wrote from that hellish experience propelled Runaway Train to stardom. I hadn’t opened myself up to another girl since then, and I sure as hell couldn’t now with everything in my world spinning out of control. I couldn’t let the feelings I was experiencing for Abby take hold.

After collecting myself as best I could, I left the bathroom and headed for the breakfast buffet. Filling my plate to the brim, I then turned and went in search of somewhere to sit. At the sight of Abby seated with the other guys, I quickly side-stepped their table to plop down with Frank and some of the roadies. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Abby’s quizzical expression turn almost wounded.

Her reaction caused me to spear my French toast with a little more determination than I should have. Yeah, I was a bastard for ignoring her after everything we had been through the night before and this morning. But I couldn’t keep opening up to her and feeling what I did. It had f*cking train wreck written all over it.

“You okay today?” Frank asked.

“Fine,” I muttered through my bacon.

“Jake…”

“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“Okay, son.” After taking a thoughtful sip of his coffee, he drew in a ragged breath. “Just so you know, your mom called me this morning.”

I choked on my orange juice. After succumbing to a coughing fit, I questioned, “She did?”

Frank nodded. “She knows that Sally called you, and she wanted me to make sure I kept an eye out for you. She’s afraid you’ll be…destructive.”

The agonizing thought of my mom dying once again sliced through to my soul, and I fought to breathe. Nausea crashed over me, and I feared I was about to heave up my breakfast. I knew I had to talk to her again. So I tumbled out of my chair and sprinted out of the diner. When she answered the phone, I demanded, “Why?”

Mama sighed. “I thought it was for the best.”

“You thought not telling your only child that you’re dying is for the best? Do you know how sick and warped that is?”

“I didn’t want to upset you with just a few weeks left on your tour.”

A frustrated growl came from low in my throat. “For once, would you stop putting me and everyone else first? This is the time to be f*cking selfish. I mean, you’re…” Closing my eyes, I still couldn’t bring myself to say the words again.

“Honey, there will be plenty of time for us to say our goodbyes when you get off the road.”

“Fuck that. I’m coming home now.”

“No, Jacob, you’re not.”

“Look, the guys are all in agreement. Hell, Rhys is even ready to use what little law school he had to go toe to toe with the execs if they give us any shit about it.”

“I’m still your mother, and I say no.”

A tormented sob choked off in my throat. I gripped the phone tight against my ear as I tried to hold my emotions and sanity in check. “But we don’t have that much time left together. How can you be so f*cking cruel and deny me one moment with you?”

“Jacob, your language is absolutely atrocious!” she chided.

“Stop it! I don’t wanna hear about the wrong I’m doing, okay?”

“Look, these are hard times on everyone, sweetheart. There are a lot of people who work for you and they depend on you and so do their families.” When I started to protest, she sighed. “I’m a mess right now, honey—both emotionally and physically. I don’t want you seeing me like this. Before I knew for sure if it was terminal, I started treatment again just in case. It’s wrecked me. So give me a few weeks, okay?” At her sniffling, I broke down myself. “Sweetheart, I want more than anything to have a month or two just to be your mother and take care of you before you have to take care of me.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks when I thought about everything she was going through just to have time to be a mom to me. “Why do you have to be like this?”