Mr Spencer(38)

Spencer and Seb smile, exchanging a knowing look. “What was such a disaster?” Master asks.

I throw my hands up in the air. “Where do I start?”

The waitress comes over. “Yes, sir?”

“Can I have a Corona, please?”

“Of course.”

“And keep them coming.”

The three of them sit tentatively, waiting for the story. “So, this fucking idiot who I do business with has been hammering me for twelve months to take his niece out on a date.”

Masters grins. “You’re an idiot.”

“You haven’t heard half the story yet,” I hit back.

“We don’t need to.” Seb chuckles, and they all exchange looks again.

“Anyway, I ran into his car in the car park last week, and he used it as leverage to make me feel bad, and he talked me into taking her out.” I shake my head. They’re right, I am an idiot. “I agreed on the condition that it was a double date, so then I could get out of there as soon as possible. I organised one of the guys from work to come with me, and he knew I was leaving early and was going to be left with two women. He’s hoping for a threesome or some shit.” My beer arrives. “Thank you.” I take a long hard gulp of it. “Ah, that’s the stuff.”

“You were saying?” Bree frowns.

“My date, Sarah arrives, and I will admit it, she’s pretty hot.”

“What’s the problem then?” Masters frowns.

“Guess who her friend was?” I snap. “The one set up with my friend.”

“Who?” they all ask at once.

“Charlotte Prescott.”

Their eyes widen.

I nod. “That’s right. My dream girl who isn’t into me is sitting across the table with my fucking friend holding her hand.”

“What?” Seb whispers.

Bree puts her hand over her mouth and starts to giggle. “Oh, this is karma, Spence.”

“Only she isn’t Charlotte Prescott tonight. She introduces herself as Lottie Preston. A totally different person,” I continue. “And she works in a fucking mailroom with Sarah now—Sarah my date!”

“Wait, I’m confused.” Bree frowns.

“That makes two of us,” I snap.

“Why was she pretending be someone else?” Seb asks.

“I have no idea.” I shrug and drain my beer. “But it wasn’t long before I lost complete control of myself and followed her to the bar to start giving her shit about her kicking me out of her house two weeks ago.”

Sebastian throws his head back and laughs out loud. “Why are you still going on about that?”

“Because it fucking pissed me off. No woman has ever thrown me out before.”

Masters shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Well, what did she say?” Bree asks.

“She asked me not to blow her cover and said she wanted to be someone else for a while.”

They exchange confused looks.

“I know.” I shrug. “And she was dressed all sexy, and then I told her that I like Charlotte Prescott, and she starts going on about how I couldn’t get away from her fast enough because she was a virgin—”

“That is true, though,” Masters cuts in. “She did freak you out.”

“Completely,” I mutter as I sip my beer. “But she didn’t know that.”

“Well, she obviously did.” Sebastian shrugs.

I exhale heavily. “And then the worst news of my life comes.”

Bree giggles. “You’re so dramatic, you really should go into theatre.”

The boys both chuckle in agreement.

I raise my beer to them in a silent toast. “It turns out she isn’t a virgin anymore.”

Their mouths fall open, and I take an angry swig of my beer.

“So, there I was, being all gallant and leaving her fucking hot hymen in place for her future husband, and some other asshole has flown in and stolen it right out from beneath me.”

The three of them all burst out laughing, thinking this is the funniest thing they have ever heard.

“This isn’t funny!” I shout at each one of them.

“This is fucking hilarious.” Masters laughs.

I tip my head back and drain my beer bottle. “If I knew she was just going to give it away to any old prick, I would’ve fucking taken it…. wouldn’t I?” I roll my eyes. “I can’t fucking believe this shit.”

“Any old prick being the operative word,” says Seb, and the three of them burst out laughing again.

I shake my head in disgust. “That’s it, laugh at my expense, you arseholes. I’m getting new friends.”

They eventually finish their fits of laughter. “Spencer, why are you here?” Bree frowns. “Why didn’t you stay with her?”

I fake a smile because this story is so fucked up that I can’t believe it myself. “Because she wasn’t my date. My date was going gooey-eyed over the table at me… and she happens to be Charlotte’s friend.” I put my hand up for another drink. “If I’d stayed on that date, I would have had to stay with her friend, which means there is absolutely no chance Charlotte would ever go out with me because the friends rule overtakes all rules. And once you go out with the friend, there is no going back. You will always be the friend’s ex.”