Mr Spencer(101)

“No.”

“Did she freak out after?”

“No.” I shake my head.

“Fucking hell.” Masters rolls his eyes. “I thought you said she was all pure and wholesome. Surely she would have thought of this.”

“Ah.” I point to them. “She isn’t pure at all, though. She’s as fucking dirty as I am and she didn’t even know it.” I run both of my hands through my hair. “Give it a few months and she will be running rings around me, I’m telling you. She loves it.”

“Or waddling like Bree with a huge pregnant baby bump.” Masters smirks.

Seb interrupts us with his search results. “Okay. It says here that a woman is most fertile at the age of twenty-four.”

My eyes widen in horror. “Charlotte is twenty-five” I gasp.

“Oh fuck, you’re doomed.”

Masters laughs again. “What’s the problem, anyway? I thought you said she was perfect?”

“She is.”

“So…” Seb frowns. “Masters is right, what is the problem?”

“I can’t have a kid. I only just got my first girlfriend. I can’t even have a dog yet.”

“You’re thirty-seven, Spence,” Seb says, deadpan.

I put my head into my hands. “It’s just a fucking number, okay! And you sound like my mother.”

“When is her period due?” Masters asks.

“I don’t know.”

“When did she have her last one?”

“I don’t know.” I look between them. “Should I know this?”

“Uh, yes.” They both look at me as if I’m stupid. “You should definitely know this.”

I think on it. “She definitely hasn’t had one since we’ve been having sex.” I shrug. “I know that much for sure.”

“How long has that been?”

“Umm.” I frown and try to remember. “About three weeks or so. Maybe longer.”

“Which means she’s probably due around about now,” Masters tells me.

“Has she been feisty over the last few days?” Seb asks.

My eyes widen. “Yes.” I point to him. “Very fucking feisty, in fact. She threatened to bury me under my house and all.”

They both laugh. “You’re safe,” Masters tells me just as our breakfast arrives.

We all thank the waitress when she puts our meals in front of us.

My nerves temper a little. “You reckon it’s okay?”

“I know it is.” He takes a bite. “Hormones turn women into the devil. Death threats definitely qualify.”

“Right,” Seb mutters.

“Good, good,” I mutter under my breath, and I drag a hand down my face. “What a fucking morning,” I huff. “Best sex ever followed by a complete freak out in the elevator.”

They both chuckle. “You didn’t even realise what you’d done until after?”

“Nope.” I shake my head. “I’m slipping, man.”

Seb giggles. “It’s a good thing you’re off the market. You’re getting sloppy, Spence.”

“Or perhaps just happy.” Masters smirks, cutting through his toast. “Children with the woman you love are a blessing.”

I exhale heavily as the scotch begins to warm my blood. “How is my breezer?” I ask.

“Huge.” Masters smiles. “Fucking beautiful.”

“How long have we got?”

“A few weeks or so.”

“Tell her to keep her legs crossed until I get back from this weekend.”

“Why, where are you going?”

“Greece.”

“I take it this thing with Charlotte is going really well then.” Masters smiles.

I shrug as I chew. “I asked her to move in with me.”

Seb’s fork hits the plate with a clang, and they both stare up at me, shocked.

“Are you joking right now?” Masters frowns.

“No, why?” I ask, surprised by their reaction.

“You’ve known her for six weeks.”

“I know, and in such a short time I’ve become completely pathetic. I can’t stand a night away from her. Her idiot brother came to my office and warned me away from her. On top of that, Sheridan threatened to pull the account from me if I refuse to keep seeing her.”

“What?”

“Yeah, get this. Sheridan comes to my work when I was on the phone… to you, actually, Seb.” I take a sip of my scotch. “She drops to her knees on the carpet and tries to give me a head job while I’m on the phone.”

Seb frowns as he chews. “When the hell was this?”

“The other day, when you called me about the mattress. So, she’s on her knees, and she tells me she loves me. Then she starts crying and shit. All this is going down the exact same time the receptionist buzzes through to tell me Edward Prescott is there to see me.”

Masters chuckles and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Only fucking you, Spence. You have the best stories.”

I roll my eyes. “Then I get rid of Sheridan with the promise of having dinner to discuss our relationship. Edward waltzes in and proceeds to tell me that fucking Alexander York has been spinning tales to him about Charlotte and I being together—”