Missing You(38)

Chapter 16


Aqua was pacing in front of Kat’s apartment.

His pace was done in tight two-steps-spin-180 two-steps-spin-180 formation. Kat stopped on the corner and watched for a moment. Something was clutched in his hand. Aqua kept looking at it—was it a sheet of paper? He kept talking to it—no, Kat thought, more like arguing or even pleading with it.

People gave Aqua wide berth, but this was New York. Nobody overreacted. Kat started toward him. Aqua hadn’t been to her apartment for more than a decade, so why now? When she was about ten feet away from him, she could see what was on the sheet of paper he had bunched up in his right hand.

It was the picture of Jeff she had given to him over two weeks ago.

“Aqua?”

He stopped mid-stride and spun toward her. His eyes were wide and just past the northern border of sanity. She had seen him talk to himself before, had witnessed a few of his paces and tantrums, but she had never seen him look so . . . was it agitated? No. It seemed more than that. It seemed pained.

“Why?” Aqua cried, holding up Jeff’s picture.

“Why what, Aqua?”

“I loved him,” he said, his voice a wounded wail. “You loved him.”

“I know we did.”

“Why?”

He started sobbing. Pedestrians now gave him wider berth. Kat moved closer. She opened her arms and Aqua fell right in, putting his head against her shoulder and continuing to cry.

“It’s okay,” she said softly.

Aqua kept at it, his body racked by each new sob. She shouldn’t have shown him the photograph. He was beyond fragile. He needed routine. He needed sameness, and here she had gone and given him a picture of someone he cared deeply about and never saw anymore.

Wait. How did she know Aqua never saw Jeff anymore?

Eighteen years ago, Jeff had broken up with her. That didn’t mean he had given up all his friends and connections, did it? He and Aqua could still be in touch, still doing what friends do, hang out, grab a beer, watch a game. Except, of course, it wasn’t as though Aqua had a computer or a phone or even an address.

But could they still be in touch?

It seemed doubtful. Kat let him have his cry, there on the street. He pulled himself together, but it took some time. She patted his back and cooed soothing words. She had done this for Aqua before, especially after Jeff left, but it had been a long, long time. In those days, she had both taken pity on him and been angered by his reaction. Jeff had dumped her, not him. Shouldn’t Aqua be the one comforting her?

But, man, she missed this connection. She had long ago mourned the loss of this friend, accepting the yoga-teacher relationship as being the only one he could reasonably expect to give. Right now, holding him like this, she fell back and yet again felt the pang for all she had lost eighteen years ago.

“Are you hungry?” she asked him.

Aqua nodded, lifting his head. His face was filled with tears and snot. So was Kat’s blouse. She didn’t care. She started welling up too, not just for the loss of Jeff or what she and Aqua once had, but just from physically comforting someone you care about. It had been so long. Much too long.

“A little hungry, I guess,” Aqua said.

“Do you want to get something to eat?”

“I should go.”

“No, no, let’s get something to eat, okay?”

“I don’t think so, Kat.”

“I don’t understand. Why did you come here in the first place?”

“Class tomorrow,” Aqua said. “I need to prepare.”

“Come on,” she said, holding on to his hand, trying to keep the plea from her voice. “Stay with me a little while, okay?”

He didn’t respond.

“You said you’re hungry, right?”

“Right.”

“So let’s get something to eat, okay?”

Aqua wiped his face with his sleeve. “Okay.” They started down the block, arm in arm, a rather bizarre-looking couple, she guessed, but again, this was New York. They walked in silence for a while. Aqua stopped crying. Kat didn’t want to push him, but then, she couldn’t just leave it alone.

“You miss him,” she said.

Aqua squeezed his eyes shut as if wishing the words away.

“It’s okay. I understand.”

“You don’t understand anything,” Aqua said.

She wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so she went with “So explain it to me.”

“I miss him,” Aqua said. Then he stopped, turned, and faced her full-on. When he looked at her, the wide-eyed look had been replaced with something akin to pity. “But not like you, Kat.”

He started to walk away. She hurried to catch up.

“I’m fine,” Kat said.

“It should have been.”

“What should have been?”

“You and Jeff,” Aqua said. “It should have been.”

“Yeah, well, it didn’t happen.”

“It is like you two were traveling down separate roads for your whole lives—two roads that were destined to become one. You have to see that. Both of you.”

“Well, clearly not both of us,” she said.

“You travel down those life roads. You choose journeys, but sometimes you are forced to take another route.”