Misadventures with the Boss (Misadventures #12)(44)

Because now, when I thought of this child, I didn’t think about the responsibility like a sort of crushing weight on my freedom. Instead, I looked around my cold, unfeeling apartment and realized the warmth of a child—of a family—was exactly what I needed.

Barely twenty-four hours had passed, and already I was imagining where to put the cradle, what I needed to get rid of, what sorts of things I’d need to read up on. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t anxious. In spite of being angry and devastated by the loss of Piper and her lies…

I was excited.

Truly, deeply excited at the idea of taking my child to Central Park to play chess or catch. To help him with his homework and put him to bed at night.

Before, I had been broken. The kind of person who wouldn’t make a child’s life any better, no matter how hard I tried.

But now? I was someone new. Someone different.

And that was because of Piper.

I sat back on my sofa and took a deep breath. Naturally, I couldn’t think about the baby without thinking of her. Would he have her same dark-red locks and heart-shaped face? Would he laugh like her or have her keen sense of organization?

I also couldn’t help but think of Piper. Was she taking care of herself? Eating well? Sleeping enough?

I couldn’t bring myself to ask her, nor could I think of her without my chest tightening and my hands balling into fists.

I couldn’t understand it. Or worse, maybe I could.

Maybe she’d seen me for the broken, heartless corporate man I was and had deemed me unable to care for a child. Whatever had gone through her head, it must have been bad enough to not only leave me but to take my child away without me ever knowing about them.

And then, when I thought of her face… The way she’d paled when she’d finally been caught out.

Like a victim facing their abuser.

I pinched my nose between thumb and forefinger and took another deep breath as guilt hammered at my chest.

I couldn’t think about that now. Soon I would have to get my lawyer involved and see what sort of custody arrangement we could work out.

No matter what, I was going to have to see her again. To bring her back to the city for her doctor’s appointments and to speak with her about the kind of life we would develop together for our child.

Rather than feeling trapped by the idea of her, though, I felt like I was missing a limb. Like seeing her again would make me feel all the love, all the need, all the completeness I was desperate to shove back down. I couldn’t forgive her, not after everything she’d done. But if I saw her again…

Well, how could I turn her away?

I couldn’t. Because the fact of the matter was that I still loved her. Heart, body, mind, and soul, I still loved her, and there was nothing even my most determined thoughts could do to change that.

Flexing my fingers, I pushed myself off the sofa just in time to hear the gentle whoosh of something as it slid across my floor.

I frowned, following the sound until I found a white envelope with my name scrawled on it in perfectly neat, very familiar handwriting. There was no address. Even if there were, I knew the mail carrier would never deliver a letter like that.

I picked it up, strode to the door, and swung it open just as Piper was pressing the elevator button in the hall.

“Stop,” I called out, my pulse hammering.

She spun around, her cheeks a full flush of color and her ponytail nearly hitting her in the face.

“Everything is in the letter,” she murmured, her eyes glassy with tears. “You said you didn’t want to see me, and…well, I want to respect your wishes.”

The way I hadn’t respected hers, my conscience repeated.

The elevator dinged open behind her, but I held up a hand.

“Save me the suspense since you’re here. What’s it say?” I asked, holding the envelope up.

“I…” She twisted her fingers in front of her. “I had sort of planned on you reading it. But, you know, it’s just…it’s a custody agreement I drew up. I wanted you to know that no matter what happens between us, you’ll never have to fight to see your child. What happened, what I did—that wasn’t because of you. When I found out I was pregnant, I couldn’t stop thinking of that day at the museum when you told me you never wanted to have children and how stuck you felt and…”

She shook her head. “It’s put much more eloquently in the letter. The fact is, I didn’t want to force you into something you didn’t want just because I was pregnant, but I know now that it should have been your choice. I’m sorry. But really, I want to respect what you want and I’m going to go. I promise.”

“Don’t you dare.” I took a few more steps into the hall and then showed her the envelope before I tore it in two.

“Jackson—” she gasped.

“I don’t want any custody agreement,” I said. “I want to have a family, and I want that with you. It was selfless, what you did. You were ready to raise this baby alone to protect me, and I…”

I shook my head, struggling to find the words. “That’s why I love you so much. You’re so brave. But you know what? You and this baby are mine, and you’re not going anywhere. Never again, you understand?”

She nodded, tears welling in the corner of her eyes. “I love you, you know,” she said.