Mercy (Salacious Players Club, #4)(54)

“Beau,” she says with a sigh as her shoulders sag, “I want you to stay. I’m asking you to stay.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I mutter in response, my tone laced with bitterness.

She reaches for my arm, tenderly running her fingers down my bicep. “You’re mad about Phoenix.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m not. I don’t give a shit. But I’m not finding another Domme. I only did this as an experiment, remember? I’m not my dad. This lifestyle isn’t for me.”

Her brow folds inward as her shoulders soften even more. “If I told you to kneel right now, you’d do it.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” I snap back. “You think I’m just gonna be your bitch all the time. I just do it for the sex, Maggie.”

She pushes her chest out and lifts her chin. “Bullshit. You’re just being defensive. You love being a sub, and I don’t understand why you can’t just admit that.”

“Because I’m not. I told you. It was an experiment.”

She grabs my shirt and pulls me toward her. “Fine. I’ll be submissive tonight.”

As she drops to her knees in front of me, I stare at her in surprise. It’s odd to see her like this, and I don’t like it.

“Stand up. I don’t want this.”

When I try to pull her up by her elbows, she shakes her arm free. “No. It’s good to switch roles every once in a while. To get another perspective.”

“Maggie…I don’t want you to be submissive to me.”

“Why not?” she asks, gazing up at me with those big blue eyes.

“Because I just…don’t. I don’t even know what to say.”

“Tell me what you want me to do.”

I let out a sigh. “No. I don’t want to use you like that.”

She furrows her brow. “But I want you to. I want to please you.”

“Not like this. I’m not in the mood. You’re just trying to prove a point.” When I turn my back to her and pace into the kitchen, I hear her rise onto her feet and follow after me.

“Tell me why. Why don’t you want me to be submissive to you when you can be so submissive to me?”

Her hands slide around my waist from behind, settling on my stomach, and I feel her forehead against my spine. Something about feeling her arms around me brings me comfort.

“Because I just don’t want to. I’m not…like him.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asks.

“I’m not…”

“Not what?” She’s prying, and I know she won’t let it go. I’m glad she’s behind me because the more frustrated I get, the more emotional I get, and I couldn’t stand for her to see that. “Not what, Beau?” she presses.

“Not good enough.” Those three words feel like knives. I hate admitting this. It makes me feel like a kid, like a small version of the man I’m supposed to be.

“Beau,” she snaps, turning me around, and I don’t fight her as she spins me until we’re facing each other. “What do you mean not good enough?”

“I’m not worth it. Not worthy of you or Charlie or any of the other relationships I’ve fucked up over the years. I’m not the kind of guy women worship. I’m not worth it—"

She slams her hand over my mouth, halting my words before I’m able to speak them. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. How can you sit here and blame me for being hard on my body when you talk about yourself like this? You clearly don’t see what I see.”

“You don’t want me as your boyfriend and I get it. I suck at that, but being your sub, that I can do.”

“Is this why you want to be submissive, Beau? Because you think you’re not worthy of being dominant? Is that what you think this is?”

“No. I just…I feel better about myself when I’m with you. When I can do exactly what you want.”

Her soft hands wrap around my neck, pulling me down until our mouths are almost touching. I’ve never been so comfortable with another person in all my life. Things with Maggie are easy, like she was made just for me, to make being me a little easier.

“For what it’s worth, I do want you for more than my sub. I don’t think you’d suck as a boyfriend at all…”

“But…” I reply, staring down at her.

“But…you’re too young for me, and I’d be risking so much if anyone found out about us.”

I roll my eyes and try to pull away, but she holds me in place. “One month, Beau. We have one month together, and while we have this time, and we’re alone in my house, then we can be whatever we want. You’ll see how good of a boyfriend you can be. You’ll see how worthy you are.”

She presses her lips to mine, and I try to absorb her words and make them feel true.

Then, she’s dropping to her knees again, and I try in vain to keep her on her feet.

“I want you to see things from my perspective. You should feel what it’s like from up there.”

My heart hammers in my chest as I watch her gaze up at me with a lust-filled haze in her eyes. Her face is just inches away from my cock, which is hardening quickly behind my boxers at the sight of her kneeling in front of me.