Mercy Street(90)
Claudia dreamed none of these things.
For all of her childhood, and most of her adulthood, she had fallen asleep thinking of her mother. As she drifted off to sleep, she pictured where Deb was at that very moment: in her waterbed in the back corner of the trailer, or snoring on the old plaid couch. Either way, a TV would be playing. Only after she’d located her mother could she fall soundly asleep.
As long as her mother was alive, she didn’t consider making another person. She didn’t feel the need. Deb’s death changed that, as it changed everything. Suddenly, brutally, she was no longer a daughter. Nothing in her life had prepared her for this loss.
In pregnancy she dreamed of her mother. A different type of person might have taken this as evidence—proof that Deb was still out there, some piece of her alive in the universe, what believers refer to as a soul.
The first time it happened, Claudia woke up laughing. In the dream she carried her mother inside her, the baby version of Deb, mother and daughter nested inside each other like a set of Russian dolls. Soon, soon, she would give birth to her mother. In the dream she had found this ridiculous, but also correct and delightful.
It was the best possible thing.
Acknowledgments
I am grateful to the John Simon Guggenheim Foundation and the American Academy of Arts and Letters, for their generous support during the writing of this novel; the Shanghai Writers’ Association, for enlarging my world; and the Banff Centre for Arts and Creativity, the Ucross Foundation, MacDowell, and PLAYA, where portions of the book were written.
Over the course of three New England winters, Mary Cerulli and Karen Wulf opened their homes to me. Sara G., Ashley S., Rachel P., and Lia R. entrusted me with secrets. When the music stopped, Josh Barkan gave me hope.
Bill Clegg, Dan Pope, Malachy Tallack, and Joshua Ferris read early drafts and offered advice and encouragement. Karen O’Brien generously shared her medical expertise.
In one way or another, every page of this novel is a gift from Rob Arnold. His contributions can’t be quantified.
Finally, I would like to thank my publishing family at Ecco—Dan Halpern, Helen Atsma, Miriam Parker, and Jonathan Burnham—for giving my work a home. Again and always, I am grateful.
About the Author
JENNIFER HAIGH is the author of the short-story collection News from Heaven and six bestselling and critically acclaimed novels, including Mrs. Kimble, Faith, and Heat and Light, which was named a Best Book of 2016 by the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Wall Street Journal, and NPR. Her books have won the PEN/Hemingway Award, the Massachusetts Book Award, and the PEN/New England Award in Fiction, and have been translated widely. She lives in New England.
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