Mended (Connections, #3)(76)

I whirl around to face her. “Fuck, no! Of course not. I didn’t even know you called.” I try to figure out how Amy would have answered and then I remember being over at River and Dahlia’s and leaving my phone on the counter. “I headed over to my brother’s to pick up some things and left my phone on the counter. She was there helping my mother get some food ready. That’s all.”

Alarm flashes across her face. “I believe you. I do. But I needed to talk to you then. Damon was threatening you and the band. I tried to reach you and she answered your phone and I had no idea what that meant. Before I knew it, he was whisking me off to get married. He told me if I didn’t do it he was going to tear you apart with lies—your life, your band, your family. He was on the phone with TMZ. He gave me five seconds to make my decision. I knew I’d regret not stopping him for the rest of my life—so I agreed to his terms—I had to appear happily married to him for six months. Once I said yes, we were married before I could even think twice about it. In hindsight that may not have been the best decision to make, but it seemed right at the time. Xander, I’m so sorry, but I hope you understand and forgive me.”

I sit a safe distance from her. “There’s nothing to forgive. You did what you felt was right. I may not agree with it, but I understand. I get it, but that doesn’t change anything right now. You’re still tied to him—not me—and I can’t stand it. I have to figure this out. You need to give me some time. I need to get a handle on how to proceed.” Looking at her, I want nothing more than to thread my fingers through her hair and pull her mouth to mine. But I can’t. I swallow the lump in my throat. I don’t want to ask the question because there can be only one answer that will make us all right. Bending down, I cradle my head in my hands.

“Xander, talk to me,” she begs.

“I just need to know one thing right now.”

Her eyes search mine and she never lifts her gaze. “What do you want to know?”

I shift uncomfortably before I even ask the question. But I’m tired, beat, shot for the day, so I just ask, “Did you let him touch you while you were together on the bus?”

“No. No. No. No, Xander. I would never. Not after you and me. Not after what we finally had again. I don’t want anyone else. Just you.”

Suddenly she seems so far away. I stand up and close the distance between us. She smiles at me and I wrap her in my arms. We hold each other for a long time. I kiss her head over and over. “Come here,” I whisper in her ear, and I sit down, pulling her onto my lap. I slump back against the couch. Relief floods me, and now that that burden has been lifted off my shoulders exhaustion overtakes me. “Ivy, I know we have a lot of talking to do, but I just can’t right now. I’m just wiped out.”

“It’s okay. I understand. We can talk tomorrow.”

I nod with a small smile and claim her mouth as mine. “Ivy,” I breathe against her lips.

“Xander, take me to bed. Please.”

“No, Ivy. Not while you’re someone else’s. I want you, but we need to figure all of this out.” I stare into her perfect face and know I’ll do anything to make her mine.

She pleads, “Please let me stay here.”

I don’t have to contemplate what to do—I lift her off my lap and stand up. “Come with me,” I tell her and lead her to my room. She changes into one of my T-shirts and I get her settled in bed and kiss her on the forehead. “Good night, baby.”

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“I’m going to sleep on the couch.”

She clasps my hand. “No, stay with me. I just want to be near you. I need you.”

“Ivy, don’t make this more difficult. You’re still married to him.”

“We were married for three days.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’re still married and until we can take care of that I think we should keep our distance.”

“Please, just stay with me. Just lie down with me until I fall asleep.”

Tired, worn, and so in love with her, I give in, against my better judgment. Seeing her lying on the bed, I feel like my willpower has already crumpled and being this close to her is crushing it. I bite down on my lip to keep from stripping her clothes off and f*cking her right now. She pats the bed next to her and I give in and crawl in beside her. She rests her head on my chest and I wrap my arm around her. I squeeze her against me and she’s right where she should be. I close my eyes and finally find peace.

The bathroom light illuminates the room a bit when I wake up to her fingers trailing down my stomach. I take a deep breath. “No, Ivy, I told you. Not while you’re married to him. Don’t make this any harder.” Her touch is breaking me down. I have to find whatever strength I have left to deny the need to bury myself in her. I want to slide inside her and just let time slip away. But I’ll hate myself if I do.

“Even if we can’t be together, we can be close in a different way,” she whispers.

Her fingers brush the side of my cheek. “Xander . . .” She shifts her body so she’s lying on her back.

My pulse races as her hands drift down her own body.

“I’m going to touch myself and I want you to do the same,” she says in a soft, quiet voice, and even in the barely lit room I can see her cheeks flush violently. I’m shocked by her words, but it’s her actions that floor me. I sit up, but don’t say a word. I’m mesmerized by the look on her face. She stands up and I watch her every move. My breathing is so accelerated I’m not sure if I can ever catch my breath. She lifts my T-shirt over her head and runs her fingers over her pink bra. She reaches behind her to undo it and she slowly lets the straps fall down her shoulders. I lick my lips at the sight. The bra falls from her body and her perfect breasts are all I see. I want so much to touch them, squeeze them, suck her nipples into small peaks, but I can’t—I won’t.