Master of Iron (Bladesmith #2)(16)

And Kellyn is somewhere in the dungeon with me.

I groan as I rise to a sitting position. “Yeah, well, this is the second time I’ve woken up in a prison after being knocked out.”

“What happened? Where are Petrik and the healer?”

“They made it through the wardrobe.” I test all my limbs slowly, seeing if they’ll move when I tell them to. My arms really ache. Blood is dried between my fingers.

“Why didn’t you make it through?” His voice has an edge of frustration to it.

“The guards spotted us. They found the wardrobe. I stayed behind to destroy their way back to Skiro and Serutha.” And Temra, most importantly.

Kellyn shifts position. I finally catch sight of him against the opposite wall. We’re in the same cell. A wooden door with a barred window blocks the only exit from the room.

“You could have destroyed the portrait from the other side. Once you’d gone through it.”

His words send a jolt of fear through me. “Didn’t think of that,” I say lamely.

“You are such a bad liar. Why did you stay behind?”

I don’t answer him. I fiddle with my fingers, trying to get the dried blood off them. I try to force my mind away from the discomfort in my stomach. The awkward ball of worms wriggling.

I hear him stand, and that only makes the nervous fear more pronounced. I’m terrified of this conversation. Of this confrontation. Of him finding out the truth.

When Kellyn crouches down in front of me, he grabs my hands, even though they’re filthy, stilling my nervous habit.

“Ziva,” he says. “Why?”

I pull my hands out of his grip. A hot flash of anger rips through me. “You were supposed to join us at the wardrobe! You weren’t supposed to get caught!”

“I knew I would get caught. I never said I wouldn’t.”

“No one told you to sacrifice yourself, you idiot.”

“No? Isn’t that what you wanted? You hold me responsible for your sister’s injuries. Isn’t it only right that I be the sacrifice to get her healed?”

I finally look into his face. Open my mouth. Close it. “No” finally comes out.

“To which part?”

“You shouldn’t be sacrificed to get her healed. I should! I didn’t realize what you were doing. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have distracted them so you and Petrik could get away with the healer.”

A faint smile touches his lips. “I was the only one who could hold them off long enough. We were all unarmed. It had to be me, or you wouldn’t have had the time to get Serutha out of there.

“And,” he continues, “if you think for one second that I would ever allow you to throw your life away like that, you don’t know me very well.”

“Oh, so you’re allowed to throw away yours, but I’m not allowed to?”

“You’re special. You can change the world with what you can do. Ghadra needs you.”

“I—” But you’re special, too, I want to argue. He’s so talented and kind and funny—

And I hate him right now.

“Your family depends on you,” I shriek back at him. “You’ve spent your whole life putting them first, and you would just cast that aside to fix a mistake?”

Kellyn shrugs. “You would take care of them if anything happened to me.”

Of course I would. But that’s awfully presumptuous, and why would he stick me with that responsibility?

I love his family. They’re wonderful and kind, and they don’t deserve to have this stupid oaf of a man as a son and brother. I’m still so furious with him. My skin is getting hot, despite the dropping temperature of the cell.

There are so many things I want to say, but finding the right words has always been so difficult.

Perhaps that’s why I blurt, “You kissed me!”

If Kellyn is surprised by the new direction I’ve taken the argument, he doesn’t show it. “And?”

“Why did you do that?” He knows I broke things off. I didn’t say it outright, but he knows that I can never be with him because of my sister. The guilt of still wanting him is already more than I can bear.

“Lots of reasons,” he answers.

“Name them.”

“I wanted to. I didn’t think I’d see you again. I thought I might be imprisoned or killed once Ravis’s men caught me. I wanted something good to hold on to if they tried to torture me for information. I wanted the last moment I shared with you to be something sweet instead of an argument or a stiff silence.”

A stiff silence fills the space when he finishes talking.

He sits beside me on the filthy floor. “Why don’t you just tell me why you’re upset? Is it because I kissed you? I’m not sorry. Only sorry that you had to stick around to talk to me about it afterward. Are you still angry about what happened to Temra? I tried to fix it. I’m sure Serutha got to her in time. Or is there another reason, Ziva? Just tell me. Tell me what I need to apologize for this time.”

“You’re an idiot,” I say at last, not answering his question at all, because I can’t put what I’m feeling into words anymore.

“You want me to apologize for being an idiot?”

“I want you to stop talking. I’m furious right now, and I need to think!”