Master of Iron (Bladesmith #2)(111)

When I’ve got myself under control, I finally allow myself to look at the beautiful man before me. I reach out and take his hand.

“What’s next?” I ask.

“Are you hungry? Should we grab some lunch?”

“I mean for us, Kellyn.” I take a very deep breath.

“I don’t understand. Why do you look like the end of the world is coming for us again?”

In a sudden movement, I stand, putting distance between us. I pace the space in front of him, because I need to move.

“You brought up marriage. We talked about how we felt about each other. But we never talked about how we would make it work.” I risk a glance at him. “I’m terrified of this conversation because I don’t want to lose you. But we want different things. I want to be safe. I don’t want to go adventuring all over the world. I’m a homebody. I like staying indoors.

“But you want to travel. You want to swing that sword and meet new people. And I just don’t see how we can be together when we want different things.”

“Oh,” Kellyn says. He stands with me, paces his own little line. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

And I feel myself about to dissolve into tears again. Get it together, Ziva.

I hoped so badly that he would have an answer. That I would just lay out the problem, and he would laugh and say he’d already thought of that!

But he doesn’t. And now he’s pacing, and that’s making me fidget with my fingers.

Kellyn halts. “Well, first things first, where do you want to live? Here in Lirasu?”

I’m a little stunned by the question, but I answer. “No, I think I’m done with this city.”

“Really? Even though it’s the safest place in the world thanks to you?”

“Actually, I always felt safest when I was in Amanor.”

I look at the ground.

“You want to live in Amanor?” Kellyn clarifies, his tone one of disbelief. “Where my massive family lives?”

“Yes. It’s close to Temra, and I love your family.”

“Just my family?”

I expel a breath of air before looking up. “I love you, too, you stupid brute.”

Kellyn bites his lip, fighting a laugh. “Was that so hard to say?”

“Yes! Now it’ll hurt more when we go our separate ways. When—”

He cuts me off with a lingering kiss. “Could you do me a favor and say it again without the ‘stupid brute’ bit?”

I’m dazed by the kiss, but I bite out, “I love you, you arrogant ass.”

“Hmm.”

He kisses me again, and I forget all about my sister and my nightmares of war when it’s just him and me like this.

He pulls back, and my words come out in a whisper. “I need to know the plan.”

“We’ll live in Amanor,” he says simply. “There, one thing solved.”

I splay my hands on his chest and push back slightly, so I can look at him. “But you won’t be there. You’ll be traveling the world. And I’ll only see you once every couple of years!”

Kellyn looks into my eyes, and my breathing picks up at the serious consideration he gives me. “What if I only take four jobs a year? That’s once every three months that I’ll be gone?” But then he smiles. “And what if you come with me for two of them? That’s only twice a year that we’ll be apart.”

“What?” I ask.

“We’ll build a house in Amanor. I happen to know it’s in need of a good smithy. You can forge. I’ll work the fields. The land will provide everything we need. I’ll take four jobs a year so we’ll make extra money. And if you’re up for it, maybe you’d want to join me for half of them? We can see a little bit of the world together. In small, perfectly safe doses.”

I don’t know what to say. “Four jobs a year? Is that enough for you? What if you grow miserable? What if you resent me? What if—”

He silences me with yet another kiss. It makes my rising fear all but disappear.

“I would never resent you,” he says. “I’m choosing this. It’s what I want. I want to travel, but I want to spend most of my time with you. Could you consent to two trips a year with me? Am I asking too much?”

His face looks worried, and his mind is turning, already trying to think of a new solution if I say no to his suggestion.

So I just kiss him. I bury my hands in his hair, breathe him in, feel the hope of a new future together.

“Really?” I ask. “That’s it? That’s all it took for us to come to a compromise? Of course I’ll travel with you twice a year.”

He grins. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

“I’ve been stressing about this for weeks. I was too scared to bring it up because what if it ended things prematurely?”

“Ziva, I told you; you are my forever. You thought that could be undone so easily? That we couldn’t come up with something to make things work?”

I’m doing something between a laugh and a cry, and when will I finally get my emotions under control?

Our foreheads come together, and I relax for the first time in as long as I can remember.

“I love you,” I say.

“I love you,” he says.