Love on Beach Avenue(93)

She hadn’t even told her best friend? Hurt and annoyance warred inside, but he just shrugged and forced a smile. “We couldn’t do the long-distance thing.”

A frown creased her brow. “That’s it? Dude, why don’t you just move?”

“People don’t just move and change their entire life after one summer. It doesn’t make sense.”

She snorted. “Love isn’t supposed to make sense. Mom and Dad met and were married within six months. The moment Jason and I began dating, I knew he was the one in a few weeks. Sure, we took time getting engaged, but we both committed to the relationship immediately. It’s a heart thing, Carter, not a brain thing. Love sometimes just doesn’t make sense.”

His heart pounded at the simple explanation. “You think I should sell my house, quit my job, and move to a small beach town after only really knowing this woman for a few months? You don’t think that’s impulsive, reckless, and foolhardy?”

She laughed. “Yes.”

“I can’t. I’m not like you, Ally-Cat. I don’t believe in the things you do.”

“Like what? Relationships? Love? Marriage? I call bullshit. And I think it’s time you begin to realize this little martyr act you put on will only get you one thing—loneliness.”

Temper pricked. She had no idea what he’d gone through because he’d chosen to protect her. But he wasn’t about to let her think he hadn’t tried. “I’m not a martyr, and I don’t pretend to be. I made hard choices, and I don’t regret any of them. And I did try with Avery. She was very clear that the distance between us wasn’t what she wanted.”

“The mileage? Or you?” She groaned and threw up her hands. “Carter, please listen to me. I’ve minded my own business because I trusted you knew what you were doing. But all those sacrifices you made for me? Quitting college, giving up travel, and making sure I was always your priority? They haunt me. You don’t think I lie awake at night sometimes and cry, knowing everything you gave up?”

Shock barreled through him. He’d never imagined Ally had these feelings—he’d worked so hard at making sure she never thought of herself as a burden or sacrifice. Because she wasn’t. “Ally—”

“No, wait. That compass tattoo you got before Dad died? It meant something to you. It was a symbol of freedom, right? But this past decade, when you finally were free, you chose to do nothing. You have the same solitary life as when I was young. I’m married and happy. I’m going to raise my own family. Why do you still cut yourself off from living? What makes you so afraid?”

It was the same question that Avery had asked. He’d told her the story about his father, but now he began to wonder if it had gone deeper. Had all those years of sacrifice for Ally become habit? Had he used her to hide, playing a martyr role so he’d never be tested or challenged to take risks? Why was he still in the same place, at the same job, when there was nothing holding him back any longer?

The thoughts spun in his head. “I don’t know,” he finally said. “Each time I saw Avery, I freaked out a bit. In some ways, I thought she was too good to be true, and then I worried if I fell hard for her, that I’d get hurt. Like Dad.”

“How so?” she asked.

Knowing he was in tricky territory, he tried to navigate his answer in a way she could understand. “Do you remember what you said about Dad at your wedding? That you worried his heart had given out because he didn’t want to live without Mom? What if you were right? What if he just gave up on his body and left his children because he was too weak to be alone?”

His sister shuddered out a breath, then took a while to answer. She looked deep in thought. “I always suspected that was the case,” she finally said. “It was too soon after Mom’s death to be a coincidence. I actually read plenty of articles on soul mates who let their body stop working because they couldn’t bear a world without their spouse. But, Carter, you can’t compare yourself to Dad. You’re the strongest person I know. We were orphans too young, and you had to grow up so fast. You could have chosen not to do it. You could have walked away and put me in foster care. Do you understand that you chose love over selfishness?”

He shook his head, trying to figure it out. “It wasn’t a choice. I’d never leave you behind, Ally-Cat. I love you too much.”

“Exactly. Love makes you strong, Carter, not weak. Maybe Dad gave up, maybe it was coincidence—we’ll never know. But if he did choose to give up, I know in my heart and soul you’d never do that.” She touched her finger to the screen. “Love is the ultimate freedom. It pushes you to be the best, challenges your worst, and tests your strength. It gives the most reward because you risk the most. It’s not exotic adventures and distant lands that you’ve been missing. It’s love.”

A shiver shot down his spine. He nodded, his throat tight.

“Do you love Avery?”

The question slammed through him. His sister stared at him with a piercing gaze, still touching the screen. He grabbed for excuses and his normal rationalizations, but a faint whisper rose up inside him that made him still.

Yes.

He’d known it all along. He just hadn’t wanted to deal with the consequences. But his sister’s words had given him a freedom he’d never had before—the realization that his constant comparisons to his father had been a way to protect himself. All this time, he’d been a coward.